Why can’t I shake off this feeling that’s telling me I need this guy who I’ve never been close with and don’t even speak to him anymore?

I have been going through a very rough time in my life and everyone I know causes pain in other people’s lives including mine in the past so I struggle to reach out to those people who will only make matters worse. Not one person, including my family have the ability to feel the affects of abuse because they are... show more I have been going through a very rough time in my life and everyone I know causes pain in other people’s lives including mine in the past so I struggle to reach out to those people who will only make matters worse. Not one person, including my family have the ability to feel the affects of abuse because they are the well known abusers. This feeling won’t go away, this guy doesn’t contact me and I don’t want to contact him anymore. I tried to convince myself that maybe he’s just like the rest who don’t feel empathy after he cut me out of his life for reasons I don’t know why and maybe I was wrong to think that. He is probably the only one who could understand how I feel. I have never in my life needed a friend who understands until I realized I am the only empath in my life. It’s ok if he contacts me, I hold nothing against him because I’m not the type of person who holds grudges against people. I will not reach out to him because I respect him too much, he cut me off for his own personal reason which is none of my business to know what those reasons are. How do I get rid of this feeling? I am currently trying to let go of life because I’m done with it and just going with the flow so this isn’t helping me, it’s trying to bring me back to life when I’ve already begun feeling dead on the inside.
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