Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 6 months ago

Am I wrong to be mad?? So my husband said he doesn’t want to be in the birthing room when We have a baby!!!!!?

We’re not planning to have a baby yet but obviously talk about it. This is what he said and I’m so upset that I’m not even sure any if I want a baby with him after he said that. What man would not want to be there for his wife? Am I ove4 reacting???

Update:

Wow I wasn’t expecting the majority to say I am overacting but you all also don’t know my husband very well. He calls his sister worried sick to check if she’s doing ok if she sneezes or has a sore throat. I’m just lacking confidence in my man to be a confident and present father. Up until now he’s only been a good son to his parents and a good sibling.

Update 2:

His reason of not wanting to be there is “just I don’t want to” and began laughing. Wow I really don’t know if I can have his children. I’m losing so much respect.

Update 3:

I don’t NEED my husband for a lot of things in life so does that mean he should just kick back and enjoy an easy ride whilst I’m in sweat tears blood and pain? Life throws a lot of pain in different forms but your partner shouldn’t pick and choose when they want to be there in those time with you. YOU. ADE VOWS TO ONE ANOTHER FOR A REASON.

37 Answers

Relevance
  • 6 months ago
    Favorite Answer

    I am a man and a father and I don’t think you’re overreacting. Not even slightly. I would never have thought to leave my son’s mother alone to go through that and I wanted to be there to see my son born. Even though my son’s mother ended up divorcing me, and decidedly NOT in a very humane or even HUMAN way , basically trying to destroy me as a human being and not allowing me to see the son that I was there to help give her comfort when she gave birth to him.. But that’s another story. No you are NOT overreacting. I’m here to validate you, not ‘gaslight’ you. At the end of the day other peoples opinions don’t really matter you know? Because you’re the one that has to live with this guy. So you need to trust that inner voice and those instincts that you have. They are not the ones who are going to be spending their lives with him, you are. And if you try to parent a child with somebody who really didn’t want to be a parent to begin with, your child will suffer and so will you. I know.

    • Common Sense
      Lv 7
      6 months agoReport

      Howsoever, this guy did not say he did not WANT children.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    You're overreacting not every man wants to be in the birthing room while his wife gives birth. No big deal you need to calm your hormonal *** down or your gonna drive him away meaning he will disappear and probably divorce you.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    You're never wrong for your feelings, but what is the reason he doesn't want to in the room.

    Not that long ago men weren't even allowed in the room. Some men are queezy with the blood and other fluids and really not much help. My MIL is an OB/GYN and she said sometimes the father in the room is more of an nuisance than they are a help and the person they need in the room with the mom the most is the person who can help the mom the most and that's not always the father. She prefers not ending up with a "coach" who faints.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 6 months ago

    Have a calm and polite chat with him and find out his reasons. He may not like the sight of blood and the various sounds that he might be hearing during delivery. You need to find out why. If it's legitimate, you two could work something out. If it's not, the maybe you need to rethink things. I am a dad and I was in the delivery room. The blood didn't bother me nor did anything else. I was grateful to be there-even though if took all night- and I would not have missed it for the world .

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 6 months ago

    No of course you are not wrong. Perhaps he knows himself well enough that he could not handle it !!!

    • 6 months agoReport

      Definitely not not everyone wants to be in the room while their Wife etc gives birth to their child as its a very traumatic experience for them .

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    You're expecting WAY too much out of intimacies of Married-life Princess!

    I'm Old-School,,born in the mid-50s, when not only were Men not expected to do dishes unless they were single, the only proper place for an expectant father was 'Pacing the floor & chain-smoking in the waiting-room' while his children were delivered.

    And for 'Good' reason!

    Or more archaically, getting drunk with his father in-law outside pretending to ignore the grunts & screams inside while his mother in-law & the midwives saw to the intimate details of things that understandably only Women would know how to empathize with.

    Such abominations to the contrary didn't even 'Start' to become customary or acceptable much-less Expected until My generation came of age and started getting married & making babies!

    I wasn't in the delivery-room when my first kid was born simply because it just wasn't allowed, but I Was for the next two,

    during witch I was totally useless & completely out of place considering the utterly personal inside-out Female nature of everything going on.

    So I can definitely say with some degree of qualification that there are definitely SOME things that Men were just NOT meant to see or participate in...

    "Labor-room coaching" & participation is one thing, but the 'Delivery' room is completely different,,

    It may'v become fashionable for men to accompany childbirths nowadays but that doesn't make it Natural!

    In a progressive culture wherein Women typically insist that they're better or as well-off as single-parents it's incredible that they haven't started requiring a Battleaxe-butch-feminist to be posted at the door of Delivery rooms to actually keep men 'out' since realistically just by nature there is virtually nothing so exclusively & specifically Feministic as childbirth!

    In other-words it's a "Woman Thing" and there really isn't any practical reason for you to even 'WANT' a man in there anymore than you'd care for your husband's assistance with the application of a frkn Tampon!

    And for all the symbolism that Fathers cutting the umbilical-cord is worth,

    you might as well just hand the Bill & a pair of scissors to the father out in the lobby, so he can decide whether to stab himself in the eye rather than step-foot in a delivery-room,

    or snip-off a testicle as payment for the undignified privilege of getting called "Mr Sperm-donor" by the beneficiaries of anonymous child-support checks on birthdays & carefully negotiated holidays.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • P
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Men say stupid things like that. Just tell him if he expects to be able to sleep with you, he will be in the birthing room or he shouldn't expect to let back into the house after the baby is born. Don't be a pushover. Lay it out crystal clear for him.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • GB
    Lv 5
    6 months ago

    When my Dad knew that he and Mum were having their last child (she planned to get sterilized after the birth) he said he would like to be present at the birth. When the time came, he went to the labor room, but changed his mind, saying he could not bear to see her in so much pain. She agreed it was best for him to leave - knowing the pain would not be better just because he was there.

    When I got married, my husband said if we had a child, he would not want to be present at the birth. If I said. 'if that's your attitude, I don't want kids!' it would not have persuaded him. He felt the decision to have a child should be the woman's as she has to carry it for 9 months.

    The birth is just one day in your life, and a day your child won't remember. If you get get a yearning to have a child, do you really want to deny it, just because your husband doesn't want to attend the birth? How do you think you will feel when you are too old?

    On the other hand, you sound too immature at present. even if you are over 21.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    I had a friend who got pregnant and was absolutely petrified to give birth. Like scared to death out of her wits. After the doctor told her she was pregnant, her next words were "Can you knock me out and give me a C-section?". That is how frightened she was because she could just not imagine a baby coming out of her body. She was convinced she would be split in half and her satisfying sex life would never be the same.

    I explained to her that it takes nine whole months for her body to prepare for the baby and of course in the current four weeks of pregnancy it seems impossible for a baby to grow so big and be expelled from the body, but time takes care of those details. I asked her to go to a web site to track her baby's growth and development and to learn how the body prepares itself for child birth. I also told her that the next time she is in a crowded place to look around and that everybody she sees was born and many have given birth. Plus, if child birth was so awful and terrible, no child would have a sibling. Also, a photo of a sonogram is a very powerful thing that will put parents in absolute awe!

    My point in telling you this viewpoint is that child birth can be scary for both women AND men. The nine months it takes to reach child birth changes one's view and I am sure your husband will also have a change of heart and want to be there for childbirth. I would drop the subject and I bet that if and when you get pregnant, your husband will have a change of heart. You'll see.

    • ...Show all comments
    • GB
      Lv 5
      6 months agoReport

      Labor pain is like toothache. You don't forget the pain, but remember the joy of conception.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
  • 6 months ago

    Just by itself, this would not be a reason to be mad, but it's definitely something you want to talk about. I think that the next step would be to ask him why he doesn't want to be there. Are those reasons that he's open to resolving? And to ask yourself how important is it that he be there. Is it absolutely essential to you? If yes, then I'd want to see how he then responds to that. See if he'd be willing to compromise, if he knows how important it is to you, and why it's important to you. But certainly he could be a loving, kind husband and not want to participate in the birth process; however, since most wives want their husbands present, I believe that a loving, kind husband would do what he needed to to make that happen.

    • Log in to reply to the answers
Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.