How do I deal with my overly analytical wife and her over analytical family?
My wife and her family are very nice and very smart people. While no one is perfect, my wife and her older sister and her father have a habit that drives my crazy. They over analyze everything. Please do not misunderstand me. I think planning is very important and I try to do it every chance I get. I believe in the adage that failing to prepare is preparing to fail. But I also think that sometimes, you have to go on the available information that you have, such as it is, and just make a decision and carry it out. My wife, her dad, and sister look for every single possible outcome, no matter how likely to happen and beat the analysis to death. I've seen them decide not to do something because of an event with an infinitesimal probability of occurring simply because that event exists as a possible outcome. They get bogged down in research and don't get things done. They always have to"think about it." Or my wife and I will decide to embark on a project in a certain way. My wife will mention it to her dad and sister and one of them inevitably comes up with a reason from way out in left field not to do things the way we decided and my wife will change her mind and wait for her dad or sister to get back to us. I am sick of this. How do I deal with this situation?
- AnaLv 66 months agoFavorite Answer
Bring it up to your wife.
And you’re right. I don’t mean any disrespect by saying this, but it doesn’t sound like they’re doing avoiding doing stuff because of “logical analysis”. It sounds to me like they’re avoiding doing things out of FEAR. There’s always going to be risks in life, but successful people know when to take them.
If they’re too afraid to do anything important, because they’re always over analyzing stuff, then they’re going to miss out on a lot of opportunities in life. It was a risk for me to start my business, for example, but now I make over $200,000 a year
- i + iLv 76 months ago
It is the way she and her family lived
their lives before, and you CHOSE to
marry her, so it is a little late to claim
annoyance now at how they go about
doing things. Either learn to live with
it, make decisions yourself, or end it.
- 6 months ago
Tell your wife there is only 2 people in your marriage. Tell her you would like her to consult with you and stop taking every and anything to her dad and sister. Also tell your wife she needs to compromise or she will keep pushing you away.
- JanetLv 76 months ago
By accepting that this is how they are.
By learning to face your own annoyance, and perhaps your fear of not being in control, and then relaxing into it.
Don't blame them for the emotional habits you have build in your subconscious. 95% of our emotions arise from OUR subconscious and others do not control that.
The only people we CAN change is ourselves, and we either accept others as they are, or we make ourselves miserable and risk losing our relationship with them.
So if you are not going to take responsibility for your own emotional reactions, so that you can relax and accept them as they ARE, it will be far easier on everyone if you just get divorce now.
But understand that you will face the same challenge (self-mastery) in the next relationship you get into. And you cannot guarantee that the next one will be a nice person (even if they seem like it for the first 2years).
Some people are risk-takers and some are not. And this does NOT change.
How to deal with this? For starters, STOP over-dramatizing how "sick" you are of this, and how much it is "driving you crazy". These self-statements cause your annoyance and make it stronger.
It is really important what we tell ourselves, because that creates our responses and how we see our reality.
And your self-statements are feeding your stress and unhappiness and WILL wreck your marriage sooner or later.
Talk with a therapist to learn how to get some mastery over your cognitive self-statements.
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- lalaLv 76 months ago
Your wife is very childish and it as to stop
She is married to you not her family
Have a long talk with your wife
and go in counseling
or your marriage will end sooner than later
- No MercyLv 76 months ago
do it yourself the way u want. why do her sister and father decide which way to do projects of YOURS. like where it is every even their business? they might give u a suggestion, nothing more