Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 5 months ago

I feel...so disgusted with myself? I don't know how to apologize after all these years?

So, after reading this you are going to hate me because you're getting to know the worst of me. And I take full responsibility for letting this go on for so many, it is my fault..

Last night, on the night of my wedding, I came to terms that I am a bully and I've treated one of my family members horribly for years.

This family member is my cousin. Myself, a long with several others have bullied her for no good reason. I allowed my friends to harass and mentally abuse her simply because I always thought she was a bit on the weird side, and when I was younger, I don't know why, but I hated anything that made me uncomfortable. Like, hated with a passion. I used to laugh at her pain and...yeah. I think you get it.

Last night was my wedding and although I didn't invite her, she stopped by to drop off a gift for me. She said she's sorry she didn't get to give to me sooner (no I didn't invite her to my bridal shower or bachelorette party either).

I opened it when she left and it was a scrapbook of pictures she'd taken through all the years and they were just of me and my friends from past birthday parties and stuff. And all of the ones I know she was in, she cut herself out of.

All throughout my own wedding I was thinking about this. And when I woke up, I felt nothing but years of guilt.

I don't know what to do. I spent my entire wedding feeling like crap for her. What do I do? How do o apologize?

10 Answers

Relevance
  • 5 months ago

    You should be grateful that she is seemingly a forgiving person. Now you must apologize to her and see if you can rebuild your relationship with her.

  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    It is a sign of good insight that you recognise your past errors.

    It is not too late to make amends.....and she seems open to that possibility. Discuss it with your wife, of course, but why not invite her over for a meal?

    Very few of us can look back at childhood and youth without regrets.

    Children can be very cruel, especially with peer group pressure.

    BUT, you are no longer that child and need to forgive yourself. I am sure that your cousin already has.

  • Anonymous
    5 months ago

    You sound like a Virgo! And this is what you get! Clearly she’s over it! It was just a slap in the face for you!

  • 5 months ago

    Invite her to the next get together or party. Start to treat her kind.

    It might be better not to bring it up, because she may feel uncomfortable discussing it.

    But she will be happy in knowing that you feel differently, now.

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 5 months ago

    my heart breaks for her. You need to reevaluate yourself. how awful.

  • It’s never too late to apologize. In the bible, we know Paul as this compassionate and hardworking man that continued the work of Jesus on earth. But before he was known as Paul, his name was Saul. And Saul was such a horrible person he had people murdered and other heinous crimes. But he changed. With the help up Jehovah. He was able to shed that old personality off of himself and of course it took time for people to see him differently, but he did it. He wanted to be so far removed from his old life he changed his name.

    Ephesians 4:31 says: Put away from yourselves every kind of malicious bitterness, anger, wrath, screaming, and abusive speech, as well as everything injurious. But become kind to one another, tenderly compassionate, freely forgiving one another just as God also by Christ freely forgave you.

    Your cousin seems like a pretty forgiving person, because from what you’ve said no matter how much you’ve bullies her, she’s still treated you with kindness. We’re all imperfect, but it takes a humble person to recognize their faults. It’s commendable that you want to say something to her, and just because many years have passed, know it’s never too late.

    Maybe invite her out on and on and explain to her how you’ve matured and reevaluated your relationship with her.

  • 5 months ago

    You must apologize, its never too late, and better now than not at all. You might wish to share with her what you wrote here? I can't believe she has been so kind and loving to you, after how you treated her all those years ago. In addition to apologizing , see if there's some small way you can do something nice for and with her? How about taking her somewhere really nice, certainly hosting a meal, perhaps spending the day sharing a wonderful activity, etc. She deserves a gift, when she gave you one. I'm surprised that she even has stayed in touch with you. But you have another chance, now, to make things right for the future, if not the past. And please keep in mind that you need to do this, not only for her, but for yourself, as well. Good luck,

  • 5 months ago

    Meet her in person. It's never to late to build a relationship with someone and put the past behind.Try to hold a conversation with her,or at the least call her up and apologize if you have to,remember it's never too late and she may begin to respect you for it.People grow out of their old ways ,ask her how she feels about forgiving you and tell her you really want to make things right with her as a cousin.Best of luck!

  • Z
    Lv 5
    5 months ago

    We learn by making mistakes, it is how we are able to differentiate right from wrong and change to become the best versions of ourselves. So, as human beings, doing wrong does not make us evil, it is the refusal to recognize our actions and change that makes us evil. We are constantly changing, that fact that today you recognize the actions of your childhood self as wrong means that you are not the same person that you used to be. As children, we have insecurities that we don't know how to deal with and this makes us project all our hidden negativity onto others - and these people serve as the scapegoat for everything that we hate but that is hidden in our shadow self. You are now in a better position to CHOOSE the kind of person you want to become and consciously make changes to get there. This means that your childish self is letting go of its hold on you, but you still need to be gentle with yourself, you cannot beat yourself up about what you did as a child. It's what you do as a responsible adult that counts. There are many ways that you can make up for how you treated her in the past. One way would be to call her and thank her for the gift which you loved very much, but say that you would have loved it even more if it had her pictures in it. Ask her to send you some of her childhood pictures so that you can include them in the picture album so that you'll always remember that she was a part of your childhood growing up. It is important for you to admit to her about the way you treated her in the past and to also apologize, I know this could be a difficult thing to do but you can make it simple by saying "pls don't take the way we behaved as children to mean anything, I actually think you're a nice person and when you stopped by I regretted not remembering to invite you to my wedding. That's why it's really important to stay in close contact with old friends. If you're free this week or next why don't we get together and catch up on old times?" If she agrees to hang out, then you have a chance to be nice to her and let bygones be bygones. If she declines, persist a little bit since she might really be sure if you mean it. All she is seeking is to be accepted by the people who rejected her as a child so that she can heal her childhood wounds, otherwise, she wouldn't have any business to do with you knowing how you feel about her. But she is still reaching out by giving you a wedding gift because she needs closure. So, one of the best ways you can make amends is to show her the acceptance that she needs.

  • 5 months ago

    You said it well just then. Tell her what you wrote here. It's honest and genuine. Show her that your sorry by little kindnesses. I'm sure she will just be happy to be part of your life.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.