Is it okay that I beat up my friend in sparring when I can, but when he gets the upper hand he backs off because I'm a woman?
He's a really great sparring partner, because he's a little ahead in strength and size and I'm a little ahead in skill so it's usually pretty close and can go either way. However, when he gets the upper hand or lands big shots he backs off, whereas when I get him on the ropes I keep going and try to finish him off.
He says that he doesn't mind because it's good practice for being under pressure. He's really proud and hates losing and won't give up even when he should, but if I manage to knock him down and he is struggling to get back up then I call it off even if he wants to continue. It's pretty rare that happens anyway.
I guess where the issue started though is that his girlfriend watches him train and joins in a little sometimes. She's really good I wish she would come more often and get more involved. She got really angry about the fact that it's not equal and that I beat him up but he would never do that to me. I think it's different because he has the strength to hurt me far more than him. He'd knock me clean out if he ever got the upper hand and went as full out as I do. She only cares that it's not equal and fair though.
She has a lot of influence over him and I'm worried I'll lose my favorite sparring partner. I guess first I want to check that it's okay that we train like this right? And also what should I do or maybe say to her? No-one likes watching their boyfriend get a little beat up, but he's okay afterwards?
- BillLv 76 months ago
Sparring is not meant to hurt anyone. Back off yourself.
- 6 months ago
As long as you guys are training, there's no reason for anyone to get hurt. he's probably afraid of hitting you back because he doesn't want to hurt you and because you're a female.
- JosephLv 66 months ago
That's a relationship, and its up to you two to figure it out.
- 6 months ago
Ehh it's ok. He might be training himselfelf to lose. Really it matters how hard you spar light or no contact is best for training anyway. Maybe he's helping you train, is all? Maybe he cares more about you advancing in martial arts than him winning?
It's just training really nothing spectacular. Yea it's fun and teaches you a thing or two.
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- 6 months ago
In training wifes, girlfriends, or these days even sometimes husbands and boyfriends insert themselves into their partner training in ways that are not always helpful or positive like in this case and from what you said here. Since it seems you have a pretty good training partner who is really supporting developing yourself as a fighter I would just tone things down somewhat when she is around. You say yourself she is not around that much. Rather than put him in a bad situation where he might have to make a choice between sparring and training with you or staying personally connected with her and maintaining a relationship just tone some of it down when she is around. That would be the smartest way to play this I think.
- Anonymous6 months ago
It sounds as if he's showing you "professional courtesy", that is, if it's obvious to you that he is getting the upper hand, then it is obvious to everybody else, including him, so there is no need to continue beating on you, risking injury to you. There is nothing wrong with that courtesy IN TRAINING, and it should extend to all brothers and sisters in the hall/school/dojo/class - and it shouldn't be limited to men sparring women. You're there to train, not to pummel one another to a pulp.
You, on the other hand, seem like you have something to prove, or else you just want to attempt to train more realistically. I'm guessing your matches aren't supervised, but if he doesn't have a problem with it, then neither should his girlfriend. Just watch yourself in the instance you begin training with someone similar who doesn't share your current sparring partner's sentiment.
- EnguerarrardLv 76 months ago
These two sound like ideal sparring partners.
- David B.Lv 76 months ago
I think you should just ignore his girlfriend. As far as him letting up, I think that you are exactly right, he doesn't want to hurt you. As far as I'm concerned that is the right way to be.