22 on my wedding night.
Please stay strong and save yourself for marriage. If you do, you’ll never regret it. Sex is unbelievably powerful and the chemicals in the brain that are released during it can cause you to become bonded to someone who you don't want to be bonded to. Here’s some information about sex before marriage from the books True Love Lasts and Straight Talk About Dating:
Having sex before marriage can be harmful to you and to your future. This harm could possibly include things like:
- not feeling good about yourself
- finding out that having sex causes people to become emotionally attached way too quickly
- sex becoming the main focus of your relationship
- finding out that having sex makes people ignore serious problems in the person they’re dating, serious problems that could destroy a marriage
- failing to realize that dating relationships which have sex as their main focus usually don’t last - until the relationship falls apart
- not learning to have real communication with each other, to be in touch with the your positive and negative feelings and the feelings of your significant other, to resolve conflicts in a calm constructive manner, to really get to know what your significant other is like in all situations because you’re spending too much time having sex
- not feeling good about choosing to have sex after your boyfriend or girlfriend says “I love you” and then later finding out he or she was lying to you just to get sex or he or she just has the feeling of being “in love” instead of true love (true love is supposed to be a lifelong commitment)
- feeling that you need to keep having sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend or else they’ll break up with you - even though you don’t feel good about it
- finding out that having sex makes people stay in dating relationships much longer than they should
- making the bad choice to stay in a relationship that you know isn’t good for you because you’re having sex
- being broken hearted after your boyfriend or girlfriend breaks up with you
- becoming an angry person after having your heart broken
- becoming depressed or possibly even suicidal after having your heart broken (please see a professional counselor immediately if you feel depressed or suicidal)
- feeling that you can’t trust anyone anymore after you’ve had your heart broken
- feeling horrible that you broke your boyfriend or girlfriend’s heart when you broke up with them
- getting into the habit of jumping from one sexual relationship to another looking for true love and sadly never finding it
- getting a sexually transmitted disease (a CDC study shows that 25% of teenage girls have at least one STD)
- getting pregnant
- becoming a single mother (guys often don’t marry their pregnant girlfriends)
- having a child who doesn’t have a stable male role model in their life
- becoming more hesitant about making a lifelong marriage commitment to another person after having your heart broken
- ending up having problems relating sexually to your husband or wife in marriage because of the sex you had with them (and possibly with others) before marriage
- becoming divorced (statistics show that couples who have sex before marriage are more likely to get divorced than couples who don’t have sex before marriage)
(Please remember that you eventually want a 50 or 60 year marriage - not a 5 or 10 year marriage.)
Hope this helps!
PS My first suggestion is that you put in the effort necessary to become a strong person (if you’re not already). A strong person has good character (honesty, integrity, trustworthiness), a positive attitude (cheerful, caring, friendly, forgiving, helpful, and respectful), fulfills their responsibilities (for handling pains in a positive way, for always trying to make a good choice, for taking care of themselves, for serving others), puts forth their best effort, and displays self-control (of their body, anger, tongue and money). A strong man will choose to put aside his sexual desires before marriage because he knows it's best for the long-term health of the relationship.
My second suggestion is that you eventually look for this type of person (otherwise you are setting yourself up for a broken heart). Unfortunately this type of person is difficult to find – but save yourself the heartache and don’t settle for less.
True Love Lasts - written with a character emphasis for teens through young adults,
and Straight Talk About Dating - written with a Christian emphasis for ages 20 and up