Older and wiser folks: I’m 24 and my husband is 27. Are we too young to start a family?
My husband and I got married a year ago. We have always dreamed of having a child of our own. We own a townhouse, have 2 dogs and both have stable careers. But we’re torn on one thing, should we enjoy the remainder of our 20’s and start trying for a baby in our 30’s once we have enough saved up to buy a bigger home, and also have more wisdom and life experience. Or should we have our baby (we only want one child) now? We’ve gotten advice from family and friends and it’s all been the same “you’re married, do what makes you guys happy” as nice as it is to have such wonderful support, I really need some realistic input from strangers who won’t be scared of hurting our feelings. What do you think?
- BeatriceBattenLv 71 year agoFavourite answer
You’re married, do what makes you guys happy.
That advice isn't going to change.
Look at your budget (daycare or staying at home, medical expenses, supplies and clothes and diapers), decide what goals you have for the immediate future (travel, more pets, buying a home, career advancement or change, etc.) and decide if it makes sense to try for a baby now or when you're older.
And remember that there are no guarantees in life. Even if you're young and healthy you may not be able to conceive for a while if you start now, or you may not ever conceive. The risks increase a bit as you get into your 30s, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily wise to get knocked up at a young age to prevent that. Again it's all a crapshoot ... plenty of healthy 23 year-olds have trouble conceiving or maintaining a healthy pregnancy whereas someone pushing 40 may get pregnant with no problem.
It also depends on your lifestyle. My husband and I like to travel, but aside from that we're home most nights and don't really have a ton of obligations outside of work and occasional family gatherings (they all live close by). So when we had a baby at age 33 it didn't really affect our day-to-day too much ... paying for daycare was the only MAJOR change, really.
Meanwhile we have friends who are *constantly* socializing and attending events and spontaneously going to concerts or parties or traveling ... they seem to have decided that kids aren't for them, and frankly I don't blame them because a baby would be a HUGE disruption to their lives. I know another couple who was in a similar lifestyle and they had a couple babies and now their marriage is failing because they just couldn't make the adjustment, because they weren't prepared to give up that "carefree" lifestyle they had before kids.
Again ... do what makes YOU GUYS happy, and what makes the most sense for YOU GUYS. You're never going to be 100% certain it's the right time; you're never going to be 100% prepared in terms of finances or the right house or picking a good school. But at some point, if you would like to have a family, you'll know when you think it's the right time to just jump in and see what happens.
- GEEGEELv 71 year ago
The timing to have a child is never perfect. If you feel financially stable, now might be the perfect time. No guarantee you'll get pregnant immediately so that is a factor. If you work you need to consider time away from the job, possibly without a paycheck. What would your health ins options be? A lot of questions than only you could answer.
- 1 year ago
Now would be a great time to start a family. Anytime later would be a struggle ..
- 1 year ago
Nah, the perfect age to look forward into inquiring an apartment, daycare, and avoid contacting elders as they were raised differently
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- 1 year ago
No, not as long as you're responsible and committed to the relationship. People a lot younger than you have started families, so no. That's not too young. It all depends on the maturity level
- Anonymous1 year ago
No I say go for it if you both want it.
- 1 year ago
Make sure he is the one before having a child. You don’t want to be a single mother
- robert xLv 71 year ago
nice age to start a family so get on with it
- RosalieLv 71 year ago
Being newly married is the same as turning 18 and being told you're an adult. That may be true, but you haven't really matured into it yet.
Give yourselves another year or so and then think about where you are then. Plan ahead, and don't just put it off and say "later"- give yourselves a date when or precipitation point when you will reconsider it- or a goal, such as the house. Make a list of places you might like to go- and think about the fact that people do in fact travel with children. There's a whole program that runs on PBS about that.
If you do not feel ready, and feel as though you have some things to do before you take on parenthood, that's smart. Just don't dance around it, or use that as a means to avoid telling your partner that you may not want kids after all. Be honest, budget enough, but put value on what you do with your own lives as well. Life is short- don't miss out on having kids, but make sure you can afford them.
- Anonymous1 year ago
Advice as honest as you will get: Get rid of the stupid dogs before you have children. They're lulling you into a false sense of security. Get one of those recordable alarm clocks and record a screaming baby on it, then set it to go off at 1:30am, 3am and 5am, except that you can't shut it off for 30 minutes.
Go to an after school kid program at a community center or somewhere and figure out a way to secretly watch the 9-12 year olds, so you know what most kids are growing up to be, then make a pact to not raise your children to be stupid pricks. Write up a post-nuptial agreement with your husband before getting pregnant, so that the divorce goes smoothly and doesn't disrupt the child's life. There is an extremely large chance that you are going to stop providing sex to your husband after getting the child you want. The only reason he married you was for the sex, regardless of what he says. And for chrissake, let the kid fail along the way, let them figure **** out.
- YYYZZ 2Lv 71 year ago
That is personal. We only started with kids in our thirties, after having traveled the world.