Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 7 months ago

Am I too oversensitive or are my feelings normal?

Im 35, female, single with no kids. Ive always been very quiet/not had great social skills/have preferred my own company so I guess it is odd that I'm not settled down by now.

Anyway I do get crushes on men but don't tell anyone. My issue is if I can't be with them for whatever reason I feel secretly devastated/in a low mood on and off for months and months. I function ok everyday but still not sure if this is normal??

Recently I've developed feelings for one of my colleagues/boss obviously id never tell him nor show it if anything I'm very quiet around him. He says that I need to ask him for help more (he's very supportive) I think I come across as offish. Anyway I can never be with him he is in a serious relationship with a pregnant girlfriend. So he couldn't be more out of bounds. I had accepted this but he will be leaving to work elsewhere soon anyway. I don't know why but I'm experiencing that devastating feeling that I usually get and which lasts months and months. Im trying to accept it, looking to join a new club/hobby and my goal is to meet someone, but its so hard. I don't want to try online dating. Most men seem to be taken. Just wanted advice

26 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    7 months ago

    Don't give up. Love doesn't just fall out of the sky. Extend your options and look for men who have similar likes and interests that you have. Believe it or not, some guys are just as shy as you are and often hold back out of fear of rejection as well. If you feel more comfortable, start off small by starting a conversation with someone or starting out as close friends with them. You never know what can develop from there.

  • 7 months ago

    dont cheat

  • 7 months ago

    I think you are generally as a person oversensitive. It's ok to be reserved etc and I wouldn't suggest changing your personality to the complete opposite but you do have to open up as a person. I know easier said than done but it must be done and at your age you should start on it now. Don't care as much, being too sensitive will not help you socially as you will be afraid to say wrong things or look silly. In regards to the boss you fancy, forget about him completely and you will find someone when you have opened up more.

    Remember life is far too short.

  • Anonymous
    7 months ago

    Look, men in your age range are generally going to be in a relationship

    And if they are still single (at your age), there is generally something very wrong with them.

    Solution: date men who are younger (21 to 28).

    Quit dating in your age range because you arent going to find anything concrete there.

    Source(s): 79
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  • LZ-PT
    Lv 4
    7 months ago

    Normal and you just need to open up a bit.

  • 7 months ago

    You're not overly sensitive but it does sound like you're an overthinker. Let me ask you this if you ever feel brave enough to ask a guy out or pursue him do you end up talking yourself out of it? do you dwell on it months about how shy you were and regret not making a move or telling your crush how you feel? im talking about any you've had crushes you've had on guys that are single. Or have u ever thought that maybe you only like unavailable men? it's a just thought but that's what it sounds like. You're comfortable with your boss but you're smart enough to know that interfering with his relationship would be a terrible idea. It just sounds like you only like guys that are taken.

  • 7 months ago

    If you want to learn social/dating skills then try these books:

    1)"Are You The One For Me?"

    By Barbara De Angelis.

    2)”Cracking The Dating Code”.By Janet O’Neal.

    3)"Toxic Friends:a practical guide to recognizing and dealing with an unhealthy friendship". By Loraine Smith-Hines. 

    4)"Date Or Soul Mate?" By Neil Clark Warren.

    5)"Falling in love for all the right reasons".

    By Neil Clark Warren.

    6)"Its not him,its you". By Christie Hartman.

    7)"Hollywood Dating Blunders:rules,questions and warning signs to avoid the bloopers". By Jim Carroll & Dennis Foose.

    8)"The Little Book Of Red Flags".

    By Natasha Burton.

    9)"Deal Breakers". By Dr.Bethany Marshall.

    10):The Dirty Seven:Ladies Beware."

    By June Marshall.

    11)"The Complete Idiots Guide To Handling A Break Up". By Rosanne Rosen.

    Those books are still available new and second hand.

  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    7 months ago

    He seems approachable. Take up his offer of help (maybe slightly overdo it). Smile very sweetly whenever you meet. Await his reaction.

    Or.....you could get a friend to buy two tickets for a show, You give her the money; she gives you the tickets. Then tell him that you have had two,show tickets given: would he like to go with you? It may prove a good investment!

    • LZ-PT
      Lv 4
      7 months agoReport

      Why cant she purchase tickets for show all by herself.

  • Anonymous
    7 months ago

    I am a single male, and I am in my 30s. I don't have kids.

    If you don't try hard enough to find a single male then you will never find someone. If you know a male is single then ask him out on a date. Males might not ask you out on a date, but this doesn't mean you can't ask out a male on a date. Maybe a male might ask you out, but if nobody asks you out then you can ask males out on a date if you want.

  • 7 months ago

    It's a blessing that your boss is leaving, isn't it? Do join a club or evening class or something that takes your fancy, but don't do so just to find a man. To be liked, generally, it helps to be more interestED than interestING. Listening is good for making friends: ask people questions about themselves and their opinions and listen to them without interruption, except for little comments that demonstrate that you're REALLY listening. It shows you are taking them seriously, as in respect and acceptance. Don't sit there thinking about what you will say, because that shows more interest in yourself than them. Little pauses demonstrate that you are thinking about what they have said anyway. You can ask them how they felt about what they have just told you, or other specific questions to show you have been listening and taking them seriously. Be open minded and try not to disagree with people. For example, if they like a band you hate, ask what it is they like about them, best track, etc. (avoid the word, “why” as it can sound challenging). You can always say you don't listen to them much but you will now or something. Asking for advice is also good. Genuinely, of course, & don't overdo it. Ditto information – we feel pleased to tell someone something interesting they did not know, such as what’s on in town, latest sports score, etc., so by showing interest in their opinion, knowledge, etc. you’ll get some good feelings from them. Smiling is a good sign of acceptance. A lot of eye contact can also be good. Remember, if you want to have a friend, you have to BE a friend, and the best way to impress someone is to be impressed by them! One thing you can do is always to ensure you have a straight back: sit, stand and walk tall (hips forward) and take reasonably long, confident strides when you walk: this has the “reverse psychology” effect of helping us to feel more confident. Once we have self respect and a sense of self worth, we tend to find that other people respect us more too.

    Good Luck!

    • Em7 months agoReport

      Thanks, thats helped : )

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