Why does my mom not want me to make ends?

I have am autistic have depression and I self harm (I’m around 4-5 months clean) I am also homeschooled, my mom doesn’t let me have social media but a few months ago I secretly opened an Instagram account and made a friend name Stephanie, She was like the best friend ever. She is also autistic and self harms She’s... show more I have am autistic have depression and I self harm (I’m around 4-5 months clean) I am also homeschooled, my mom doesn’t let me have social media but a few months ago I secretly opened an Instagram account and made a friend name Stephanie, She was like the best friend ever. She is also autistic and self harms She’s the only reason I stopped cutting, we used to stay up until 2 am texting when we wanted to cut distracting ourselves and would FaceTime for hours venting/ranting about our days, it was nice to talk to someone we exchanged phone numbers after messaging and FaceTiming through insta for about 3 months and right after that my mom decides to go through my texts and finds out that I’m messaging another girl and freaks out yelling about how I’m hanging out with autistic whores and that I’m a f@gg0t and etc, then she tells me to delete the insta account because she doesn’t want old men following me (the account was private and only had celebrities, brands and a few long distance friends who I have FaceTimed with and now are not old kinky men as followers/following) so I delete it and now I’m all alone, with my deep dark thoughts about how I have no friends now at all and the fact that ya know I want to die but ya know sadly that’s not an “appropriate” thought. I’m alone and I have no one to to talk to, Stephanie is the only reason I didn’t commit suicide before, but now I have nothing to stop me, should I reach out to Stephanie again? What should I do about my crazy mother?
Update: Friends not ends lol sorry
Update 2: I am 15, my dad lives with us but all they do is fight. He’s nicer than my mom but you know he’s always on business trips. So he doesn’t see what a hell my life is
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