Freshen up my realtionship what are my options?
Things are getting very dull. He doesn't talk to me unless he is moaning about soemthing. Sex in same position everytime(me facing away from him). Doesn't take me anyhwere. Asked to marry me 2 years ago but i can't mention a wedding without being told to slow down (we have a child and live together so bit late for slowing down) christmas and birthday gifts have always been electricals that he can also use nothing sentimental or romantic. No fuss on mothers day. Nothing on valentines. (I do all these things for him). No compliments. I feel pretty shitty and if i talk to him he gets angry and says I'm dragging things up for no reason or I'm spoiled for asking to be taken out. He did all this for his ex he bought her flowers regularly took her on holidays brought her jewelery on her birthdays. I asked why he wont do that for me he says necause he learmed his lesson with her. But I'm not her. So does he really love me? If so how dp i get thigns going right? How do i become someone who he wants to think about? I really love him and dont wnat to end it as we have a child and a life together. What do i do?
- Anonymous1 year ago
Sorry, but your relationship sounds broken.
Sex facing away from him??!! That sounds very selfish and very uncaring (of him).
Something is seriously wrong with him.
Go alone to talk to a professional about him. A psychologist or marriage counselor.
- 1 year ago
Haha god what is the point.
I mean why not just nail yourself to your coffin already.
No i have no sympathy.
What does it matter what i say.
You won't listen.
Why are you even asking.
- Flying FerretLv 61 year ago
You don't have a relationship. You have a roommate who's leading his own life. The fact that his "gifts" for you are really things for himself is one obvious point. And he doesn't want to marry you. If he did, he'd agree to talk about a date instead of putting you off with nonsense (yes, the "slow down" is utter nonsense because you've already had a child). He does NOTHING romantic for you. Frankly, everything he says and does is like screaming "I don't love you. I don't care about you."
Do you want to waste more time on him and go nowhere? Or look for a man who will love you and your child AND marry you? Get a court order for child support against him and move on. You and your child deserve much better.
- Blue Sky 🏴☠️Lv 71 year ago
Its time to move on. You have made every effort to get him to change and it hasn't worked. You deserve to be treated better.
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- 1 year ago
Thank you that was my initial thoughts. I just didn't want to make a rash decision if this is normal in relationships. I do think its me sometimes because if the ex. I think sje must have been amazing for him to be that way as hes so indifferent toward me. But i can't be someone else and i do think i need to get a back bome and take control of my life Thank you. But one more question... Can that habit be reversed? Could i get him to respect me out of habit in some way?
- chris nLv 71 year ago
You have accepted this treatment from him and it's become a habit - him being uncaring and you putting up with it. He needs a jolt and you need to stand up for yourself. You didn't go for marriage, you settled for live-in and now he can use talk of weddings and comparisons to the girl who hurt him as a weapon against you. Sounds rather a selfish man to me. I can only think that you and daughter should move out and make a fresh start. You have to do it for real as threats aren't going to move him because he knows you are weak and will view any mention of leaving as just you carping at him 'as usual'. Find yourself somewhere to go, pack up and go and let him visit if he wants to see his daughter. This will either give him the freedom he wants or may shock him into actually missing you and wanting you back. If you go back, it's on your terms and not his. Difficult thing to do and an upheaval for your daughter, but you have to show that you do have some backbone and aren't going to be pushed around by him any more.
- TealLv 71 year ago
He outright told you that he doesn't make any effort for you because he wants to keep you in your place and keep your expectations low. The relationship is entirely on his own terms and he is perfectly comfortable with the way things are. This is as good as it gets and he has no incentive to change. If you want to be loved and appreciated by someone who respects you as a real partner, then you need to leave him. Your child will be happier with parents who get along apart than with parents who are miserable together.
If you won't leave him, then build a life outside of him. Make friends, volunteer, get a hobby. Anything that gives you support and satisfaction, you aren't going to get it from him.
- Anonymous1 year ago