Can anyone clarify these questions about diet and exercise? Squats, and surplus or deficit ?

I keep getting different answers. there are people are say they eat over 3000 calories a day and weight lift and are super skinny, and that eating a deficit and exercising isnt the way to get thinner and leaner.. then there are people who say the only way to burn fat is to eat at a deficit... so how can that be... show more I keep getting different answers.

there are people are say they eat over 3000 calories a day and weight lift and are super skinny, and that eating a deficit and exercising isnt the way to get thinner and leaner..

then there are people who say the only way to burn fat is to eat at a deficit... so how can that be possible? which is true?

Finally people say to get smaller, toned legs squats and lunges are the best exercises, but so far they only make my quads HUGE and I see no improvements in my glutes, inner or outer thighs. And I know i can spot reduce or whatever but all the fat I have is inner and outer yet there seems to be no exercises to help me slim, just bulk!
Update: Sorry I meant i know i CANT spot reduce. plus ive been working out for almost two years with no improvements at all