What would you do in this scenario if a guy in your BJJ club hurt your girlfriend, who is also in the club?
So the scenario is this: one of your male teammates is rolling with your girlfriend, and she gets hurt. There's no doubt that he was being wreck-less, and his carelessness caused her injury, though she'll be okay as the injury, though it may take some time to heal, will eventually heal.
He's been warned about being careless before, but he does seem to be filled with regret all the same.
You're in the club at the time she's injured...would you hold a grudge? Teach him a lesson by being careless with him and his well being the next time you're rolling with him? Rush him after the injury, and perhaps even take a swing at him? Demand that he be expelled from the club? Or would you choose to turn the other cheek, or even simply choose not to interact with him going forward?
How much would your girlfriend's attitude about this factor into your actions? Or if you're a girl/woman, how would you approach it if the genders were reversed?
- BonLv 67 years ago
There are a few things you need to understand:
1) You have to have your priorities straight. When someone is injured regardless if it is your girlfriend or some other classmate, the first thing is to get them help. Going ape doesn't do the injured person any good - it only makes you feel good and do anything to help.
2) After your girlfriend or classmate has been helped, then you have a man to man with the instructor and/or owner about what just happened and that the history of the other student makes it clear he has no regard for the safety of others and remind the instructor that this student had already been warmed so he obviously do not respect the instructor. Make it clear that you expect him to take action or else the school lose two students for the one troublemaker.
3) "...but he does seem to be filled with regret all the same." Feeling regret does not mean squat if it is not followed up by change. Everybody feels regret even a criminal when caught red-handed, but so what? No change in behavior, no forgiveness.
4) Taking a swing and holding a grudge are quick knee-jerk reaction that does nothing to change the situation. If this student doesn't care, you are not going to be able to beat "care" into his brain. And holding a grudge only means you are not going to do anything about it - isn't that why you "hold" a grudge instead of taking action? The way to attend to this is to take effective measures from speaking your mind to the instructor to making the other guy pay for the medical expenses. If the injury is severe enough or the medical bill high enough you take him to court.
- 7 years ago
Well Jack; as I see it you are in somewhat of a no-win situation mainly due to the carelessness of others and the ineffective action of the owners and instructors where you train at. I think your girlfriend should take it and those others that have been hurt by this guy to the owner and ask the questions as to why this guy is still training there and while putting others at risk. Of course the owner sees money in him staying but if he thinks he might lose several others because of this guy then that might force some action. Also the threat of a lawsuit and presentation of medical and doctors bills might also create some motivation on his part to make sure it does not happen again. Most schools and gyms are required to carry insurance but also have a deductible which the owner covers first before insurance covers anything just like with car insurance. The above reasons are why I always nipped this in the bud pretty quickly and either the young man in question is responsible or the club and instructors for letting the situation continue with him hurting people especially if it is happening regularly.
The other thing is that people can just flat out refuse to partner and roll with him or pair up with him for anything and instead force the instructors to always pair with him. Instructors will get pretty tired of that pretty quickly especially if this guy hurts one of them-you can bet on that.
I would try one of those above approaches first and see where it goes. Retaliation on your part might work or it might backfire and just escalate things so I would really consider that carefully and probably not recommend it. One other thing your girlfriend should be asking about is the time she is off healing because of this. Her membership and payments should be temporarily suspended while she is out healing and that will hurt the owners pocket book immediately in a small way and serve him notice that he needs to take action to avoid this from happening again and I would definitely be doing that if I were her.
- Anonymous7 years ago
Leave it alone alert your teacher and if nothing changes switch clubs arts like bjj are all about mutual benifit so if he is hurting people someone is very likely to hurt him more so if he is inexperienced and it was just being careless if you soar with him ask him how hard he wants to go if he says 100% all the time maybe your gf should spat with someone else. I don't usually go with girls Because some times if someone is cranking or choking the **** out of me and I'm bigger than them I use force and I have caused Injuries and been injured in similar situation maybe you should ask your teacher to go over the basics if sparing again.
- sunbear171Lv 47 years ago
I would let him know in no uncertain terms that his carelessness is unacceptable. He can be sorry all he likes, but, if he has a history of this then he needs to decide whether he wants straighten up, or stop rolling. I would sit down with him and the instructor and let it be known that thus person is either unwilling, or unable to control himself on the mat and he needs to be either barred from rolling or put with only high level opponents who can handle his immaturity. It is critical that this person understand that he is behaving like a child and needs to grow up. I would also be rough on him on the mat. Nothing serious like breaking an arm after a tap, but, he better ******* tap fast because I would hit every sub with bad intentions.Source(s): Years of martial arts
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- MaureenLv 45 years ago
Hey come on man, she is not going to be your marriage partner. She is your friend. If she does flirt back than be cool, she shows she is setting you a trap, don't fall for it. Excuse your self and focus on something else like the music being played or go chat up with some guys or gurls. Nothing works, go have some fresh air, look up the sky and you will know she is not worth it.
- Anonymous7 years ago
No? You may be just rolling but lets not forget were also FIGHTING. If you can't handle FIGHTING you shouldnt be learning to fight. Injuries are expected especially from partners.
- Jackrabbit SlimLv 77 years ago
if you are going to fight for fun, these things happen. I think BJJ is cool, but I personally don't have the temperament for it. fighting isn't fun for me. just don't roll with him.
- Anonymous7 years ago
Tell him to b ******* careful the gf got hurt
It looks accidental