How can I start trusting people again..?

Ok I've got a rather serious problem. From the very first day I started school, I had been brutally picked on (Not physically, emotionally). This continued to get worse, reaching suicidal levels in grade 2. My very first friends in school the next year were the ones bullying me. I had a lot of problems with spelling, grammar and writing (To this day, writing is one of my weakest points though grammar and spelling have improved cause video games~) as well as being overweight and having few friends caused my self-esteem to be pretty low, making the bullying far worse.

Things kept sucking a lot, my best and closest friend from the first day of school turned out to have only become my friend out of a dare, other friends i made all seemed to pity me or abandon me. Eventually i got online and made a lot of new friends, a lot of which badly hurt me.

One day I finally got a girlfriend, it was online though. We were extremely close, she cheated on me 7 times using how much she loved me and how she would kill herself if i left her as a excuse to get me to stay before finally dumping me for someone who molested her.

I have a new gf now and she's cheated on before, but i'd forgiven her since i had been extremely distant from my fear of relations. but i'm tired of struggling to trust anyone, my friends and my gf. Worrying they are using me, that i'm being lied to, that they secretly make fun of me. I know it's stupid and i try to convince myself of it but the fear is so strong it always wins.. What do I do? HOw can I start gettng myself to open up and trust others again?

Update:

-Quick thing, I am a girl, just noticed everyone seems to think i'm a guy. Both me and my gf are bi.

-Idk, I ask her what she likes about me but she just says she doesn't know, jsut that she loves me. maybe she finds an attraction to damaged goods, or maybe because even if i have pitiful self-esteem i'm still an extremely friendly person who always tries to make others smile

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  • 7 years ago
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    You say you have no self esteem, yet have a gf? How did that happen? Just curious?

    I guess one of the reasons why you don't trust is because you barely know yourself. All that time worrying about bullying, video games and sadness can do that to kids and teens.

    I think the best way you can get to know yourself is through going out with friends and doing awesome things! I got my closest friends like this and got to know myself so much better, too!

    Find sth your good and develop it. Like playing an instrument or doing sports. It's fun and gives you sth to be proud of!

    Honestly, I don't know what else to tell you. I would just try to stay positive and try to find good people. I would dump your gf, but hey, that's just me.

    I wish you the best of luck!

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  • 7 years ago

    Hello :) I think you should become more confident, and feel better with yourself, feel stronger. I know form experience that this is not easily done, but you have to realize that you are not a toy for people to play with, you are a person with his own will, and you have to make people accept that. Understand your value, and dont let people step on you, because you don't deserve it. Take a step back and evaluate all of your relationships, romantic and non-romantic. You said your girlfriends cheated on you. You've done nothing to deserve that, and you should make your point. You don't need people like those in your life. Find those who are worthy, and do that by socializing more. This is also hard, but get in the mentality that it's okay if not everyone likes you, and ask yourself "what's the worst that can happen?". Meet people, and don't force things. be yourself and find people that you click with. It's hard, but it's possible. I hope this helped, stay strong! :)

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  • 7 years ago

    Crazy crap happens and there may come a day when you, too will do something where you need forgiving.

    I think I'd get your parents, advisors, counselors, chaplains, etc., involved in this one; suicide will kill more than one person.....so, find you parents for a long talk and get this going. I believe you have reached a point of needing professional advice.

    Good luck!

    DRM

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