SOPHIA asked in Social SciencePsychology · 8 years ago

Why are some people such manipulative control freaks?

I have seen some people love to control so much,why do they do that all the time,do they get a high out of controlling or is it because they cannot accept people the way they are or is it because of jealousy as the other person is better than them and they cant take it and want to make the other person feel guilty for being who they are and dont want them to excel or is it because they feel a sense of power when controlling.My boss just told me that the way to confidence is to always think you are the best,this colleague of mine heard it and told me never to think like that as it is a big lie and will give me only temporary pleasure and wont really work.Why does she have to control the way i want to think,this is just one occasion,she does this every time she gets a chance and now i have learnt not to be humble to those who dont value humility.My uncle hates my elder brother and keeps taunting him and always finds faults with him,my brother is efficient and nice and is pretty successful but my uncle loves controlling everything so much ever since i lost my dad and he just cant take the fact that my brother can manage things well and take control.And there is this guy i know ,he cant take it if i talk to guys or look at them and treats me like i committed a big crime,this guy hasnt the slightest affection for me,he had a girlfriend as far as i know though i dont know the status of their relationship now but i think i know for sure that he is not interested in me.I dont understand why these people have to control so much.Why cant they just just live their lives and give others their space.i always react like a victim to them in an effort to be accepted by them .how do i stop doing that?Please give me helpful answers.

Update:

ok the first girl was right but what about the other two,arent they too controlling?i am not trying to control but yeah i am being too sensitive and i am trying to stop being like that,so my question is how do i stop being so sensitive?

Update 2:

@x-jazzy:thanks a lot .I will definitely try to implement practically what you said,i have tried that sometimes in the past,it felt really good and everything goes really well but then again something happens or someone says some stupid comment and i suddenly fall back to my old over-thinking sulking self.Anyways,thanks again and i wish i was as strong as you and could think like you all the time.

Update 3:

@lanie:thanks sooo much for your answer,it was so perfect in every case.I do agree with what the 1st girl says but i dont trust her and doubt her intentions because of her suspicious behaviour.My uncle has a son almost my bro's age so there are a lot of stuff goin on in his mind but i hate to think too deeply about such things and add to the stress i already have.About the guy ,you are right ,he does seem to have a connection with me,he never talks but the rare times that he has talked to me ,he was able to read me almost accurately unlike others who dont see whats goin on in my mind through the smiling rather foolish mask that i wear.But i am TIRED of having mental connections with all the weird guys,i never seem to have a good connection with a nice guy even when they seem interested in me.

6 Answers

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  • 8 years ago
    Favourite answer

    I am not sure if I will be able to help much, but I've been in similar situations before. Now, it may appear or be easy to put all of these people in the same category "controlling freaks" but it's quite possible that the reasons for their behavior have different origins and causes. A lot of "control freaks" have few things in common, however, or that is what I've experienced with them. They want someone to depend on them, they want a field they can excel in and usually a lot of bottled insecurities in others. In almost all cases there is something they are masking... It can be used as a defense mechanism and as a learned form of behavior. It's not healthy in any way.

    Let's go with your boss and colleague first. I don't agree with what your boss has told you. I think that always thinking you're best can lead to losing touch with reality, missing on ways to improve yourself in any field and basically be very depressed when someone proves you wrong. As for your colleague, even if I would do the same thing probably, I get the feeling that you're actually questioning her motives and good intentions. She may have strange way of dealing with people, but that doesn't mean she knows nothing about life. The thing is you can learn valuable things from almost all people. The important thing is to avoid copying their strategies but instead analyze their attitudes. They might not be all wrong, just poorly executed.

    The story with your uncle and your brother goes into family matters and those kinds of things always have strong emotional cause and reaction. They can not fall into the same category with your relationships at work. Have you tried talking to him? Is it just your brother he is having this problem with? Maybe there's more to it than it meets the eye. I am far from saying that your brother has any blame in this, but the reasons for your uncles behavior can go deep and can have to do with something more than just plain bitterness.

    And as for this guy you mentioned.... I don't know. I've been puzzled a lot of times myself. I can't really say much from what you said about him here. I wouldn't dare to give you advice on how to deal with him. I mean, he obviously has some sort of connection with you that you don't share or you're even aware of. Those kinds of people can be very dangerous. Not necessarily in an aggressive sort of way, but emotionally draining.

    My advice to you would be to try and live your life the best way you can. Stay true to your own principles but don't rule out any argument you receive on them. We're social beings and the key to any successful relationship is communication, with others and with ourselves. Do a "spring cleaning" of your thoughts once in a while. Remember that we're all different and try not to respond to this with anger every time.

    Take care!

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  • Moi
    Lv 7
    8 years ago

    Here you are ranting about multiple different people, wouldn't you say you're trying to control them by changing their personality?

    You seem to take these tiny daily things all very personally. Do you think they waste their personal time yammering about the little things you do online?

    Obviously it'd be so much easier to just change your own mindset and move on. Give it up, you're only doing this to yourself. You could be out enjoying yourself instead of sulking over nothing.

    EDIT: It's one of those "just do it" sort of things. Act on it and distract yourself with something you like if letting go doesn't feel right. It'll get easier, probably after a few months, and you'll lose a lot of stress from not overthinking things.

    Source(s): "My boss just told me that the way to confidence is to always think you are the best,this colleague of mine heard it and told me never to think like that as it is a big lie and will give me only temporary pleasure and wont really work." lol I'd tell you the same thing, your boss is talking about delusion. It seems you take offense to those who state their opinion only if you don't feel the same. Stating one's opinion is not "controlling" to those who can controll their own thoughts and let things they don't like go. Just get over it.
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  • 8 years ago

    Your boss thinks too highly of himself and values others as subordinates, correct? It must be an ego-trip, but that's part of his job...keeping people in line. People who claim to fame into positions of power and authority will have a superiority complex, like these answerers stated. I don't think your uncle hates your elder brother, he may disagree on some parts of his life and his interests, but he's acting out like a parent who wants advised their kids, even if it isn't his own. Even if your uncle is trying to find faults in your brother, it won't really change your brother's mind, because everyone's life isn't perfect.

    A control freak feels the need to take control and manage the situation, and it some times can go overboard. People like that are very sensitive, but they hide it by pushing others around. For better or for the worst, people react to different situations in different ways. If you can't deal with them, don't play their mind games.

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  • 8 years ago

    They get a high out of the control. Here's a little tip that will help ya alot, a lot of us older people are shmissed off that we messed up our youth with stupid choices and not doing the right thing like paying attention to our careers and not going to college and finishing, some of us take it out on innocent youth like you. We think why should we give ya a hand up when we're struggling ourselves darn it, be strong - know what you want to do and don't let anybody tell you any different - don't let anyone's stupid comments, blatant attacks, funny looks - anything to stop you from knowing what you're good at and what you're going to do w/ yourself

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  • Anonymous
    8 years ago

    Your Boss has whats called a superiority complex for one. He dictates fales confidence and probaly uses it to make his way through life with a straight face. But down deep inside, he knows he is a fool but has too much false confidence to show it and I'm sure he hides it really good. A control freak is a person who either learned it from his parents or learned it from someone who also has a superiority complex for extroverts usually have this trait.

    Your complaints are about SUPERIORITY COMPLEXES. No offense.

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  • 8 years ago

    because being a god is addicting.

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