My boyfriend's adult daughter is destroying us?

Long story short ... my boyfriend (John) and I have been living together for 2 years. We are both 42 years old, I have no children and he recently found out he has a daughter who is 23 years old. She showed up in his life 4 years ago and moved across country to live closer to him. Little did he know, she brought a... show more Long story short ... my boyfriend (John) and I have been living together for 2 years. We are both 42 years old, I have no children and he recently found out he has a daughter who is 23 years old. She showed up in his life 4 years ago and moved across country to live closer to him. Little did he know, she brought a lot of baggage with her, drinking, drugs, anger issues, etc. She has been rude to me since the first day she met me and over the last 2 years, her disrespect and meanness has escalated to the point where today, I am ready to call it quits in my relationship. The problem as I see it is, she has never spent any time with me to even try to get to know me, she refuses. She calls me trailer trash, a whore, tells me to F*** off repeatedly, the list goes on. When her dad tells her she needs to show respect, she just tells him to F*** off and says that he deserves much better than me and wonders why he is with me. I think he and I are wonderful for each other, I am a working professional with a college degree, I own my apartment and new car, I take care of myself financially and physically. I have a wonderful family who raised me well, good manners, respect, love. I have great friends who are also professionals. When I met my boyfriend, he was unemployed, a heavy pot smoker, renting in a dingy basement suite and comes from a family of alcoholism, drugs and abuse. During our 2 years together, he has worked hard to become a better man for our relationship. He now has completed a college program, has a good job, contributes half to our household, we are happy, in love and love our life. Except for when his daughter has her bi-weekly tantrums and turns our world upside down. When we ignore her, she threatens suicide. When we ask her to be nice, she tells me off. We decided this last time that every time she is rude to us, we block her from our life for 1 month. After that, if she continues, we block her for 2 months, etc. Both my boyfriend and I agreed to this. 3 weeks ago, she called our house and asked for her dad, I told her he was at the store and he will call her when he gets back. She said I was lying and called me every rude name in the book and hung up. I was rattled, my nerves cant handle that type of abuse and it takes me a few hours to shake it off. My boyfriend called her, asked her why she continues this and she spoke all sweet and said she just doesn't like me. Then asked if they could hang out. He said no, please give us our space and I will call you in a month. You need to think about your reasons for why you are so rude. Well .... I found out a few days ago that he and his daughter have been hanging out, talking on the phone this whole time. He and I had a deal that when she is rude he is to ask her to leave us alone instead he calls her when I'm not around and says he's sorry for asking for space and lets hang out during the day when I'm at work, so I never know about it. What is he teaching her .... that she can behave badly and there are no repercussions. No wonder she keeps telling me off because she can, because he doesn't put his foot down. I am considering ending this relationship because I don't see any hope. He doesn't know how to be a father or how to discipline and it is ruining our love and respect for one another. The hard part is, when it is just he and I, its wonderful ... add her to the mix and its a disaster. I'm not a parent so I really don't know how to understand how he feels. I'm starting to feel disrespected by both of them. It will be really hard to leave him, I love him so much and we have built so much together in 2 years with a bright future ahead. Neither one of them will go to counseling, Another annoyance is, I don't drink or do drugs ( a health nut here) but the more he hangs out with her, they both smoke pot together and that is becoming a problem too because he was trying to get healthy and it can be a problem with his line of work as well.
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