How to trust my husband after going to strip club?

As a birthday present I bought my husband and two of his friends tickets to see a band they like, just so happens the show was in Vegas. My husband has this one friend who is an instigator, he encourages my husband to do things he doesn't want to do (last week he kept trying to talk my husband into getting a vasectomy and I've seen him just keep pressuring my husband to drink even when he knows he's had enough) I begged my husband not to invite this friend but he didnt want him to feel left out so he did anyway. I was at home trusting my husband would just go to the show, maybe a bar after, and gamble. He knows I am uncomfortable with strip clubs and I asked him before the trip if he thought maybe at all that they'd go to one, he said no. Long story short, they ended up at one at 2am and of course it was the stupid friends idea. All the other guys are single and hubby didn't want to stay behind so he went with even tho he knows I wouldn't like it. His dumb friend bought him a lapdance from a topless girl. Husband said he didn't kno he did till the girl came up to him and didn't know how to say no. (which I think is stupid) worst part is- I just had a baby 3 weeks ago. I was at home being a good wife taking care of his child, that's the reason I didn't go with. Anyway what hurts me the most is that my husband KNEW id be upset but did all of this anyway, I can't stand the thought of another woman half naked grinding on him and putting her boobs in face! I'm trying so hard to get over but I can't stop thinking about it. How do I trust that he won't disregard my feelings like that again? We've talked and he's unbelievably sorry and he said he knew I'd be a lil uncomfortable but didn't think I'd be this mad. I think the worst part is I honestly thought they could go there and not do this. I was proud I could send hubby to Vegas and not worry. It's been 4 days, I don't want to be mad anymore I just want it to go away. Advice on how to get over it?

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favourite answer

    Your husband is a 'follower' and unless you two sit down and discuss the boundaries that you feel your relationship requires, and you both want and are willing to accept and execute them, you will continue to have these issues. as for the friend, talk to him directly and inform him that hs behavior is not appreciated, and if he does not want to alter his program when he is with your husband, then he should not be around him during those 'events'. personally,I don't see anything wrong with a strip club or lap dances...but that is just me. if your husband was uncomfortable enough, he should have declined and if necessary, gotten up and left. It sounds as though he would jump off a cliff if this other guy told him it was a good idea. Talk to your husband, tell his friend where the bear sh1ts in the woods, and go from there. Best wishes.

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  • 9 years ago

    First of all, the comment about "being a good wife taking care of his child" is completely unfair. You make it sound like he just up & left you at home but you are the one who bought him the tickets. And the story he has going about his friends making him do it, bogus. Seriously, it's a strip club. He's a dude in Vegas. What did you think was going to happen? Just focus on your husband & your new baby & let it go.

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  • 9 years ago

    Most women do like their boyfriends/husbands/partners at strip clubs. I am married as well, and if my husband did what you're husband did it would not bug me.

    One, it's VEGAS! Also, your husband told you about the strip club. It's not like he's trying to hide it from you. He was hanging out with a bunch of single men! I would be more worried if he went to a male strip club.

    You are taking this way out of hand. You knew this friend would be trouble, but when you give your husband tickets to a show you can't tell him who to bring and who not to bring. My husband went to a few strip clubs with his friends, and I even went to one. It's not like he's going there everyday, once a week, seven times a month. Now if he were doing that then I would be worried. You have to convince yourself that it's fine. He did apologize about going to a strip club when he said he wouldn't. Maybe you should apologize for overreacting and have some nice make up sex, or something else to please him.

    Source(s): Married.
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  • 9 years ago

    Listen, your husband is a full grown adult, he is quite capable of making his own choices with regards to things and it's not his "bad friend's" fault at all. But I bet he sure likes that you tend to blame his "bad friend" for all his screw ups. Personally, that type of behaviour would cause me to reevaluate my marriage and my husband. If he did something like that, it would seem to me that he is not the type of person I thought he was/want him to be in my marriage. I would probably leave. Not kidding. Having another naked female on his lap grinding on his penis is cheating in my mind and nothing less and cheating is grounds for divorce. As for him being sorry ... pffft. Sorry is something I would reserve for forgetting anniversaries or things like that. Having another naked female in his lap and PAYING her for it deserves something a lot more than sorry.

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  • 9 years ago

    it's funny how you keep saying he being pressured in to do all that you know he's a grown man and he has a mind of his own. he did it his self he just needs to quit making excuse's. i would try to work out it though for the sake of the baby but just keep a eye on your cause honey he lied to you you should be pissed and upset cause he's just making excuse's for himself. best of luck

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  • 9 years ago

    You should consider yourself lucky. The fact that he cares about how you feel and that he did not go there on purpose should make you feel grateful that you have such a loving husband.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Hi,

    I know it would be hard but let it go. If you want him to preferr you over this (which you should) get a babysitter for the baby or give him/her to a relative and then just give him a lapdance, have sex, strip etc.

    He will preferr you over it all.

    Hope it works :)

    Micha

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    i think he didn't do willingly but due to others repeated pressure and requests.

    it was an inadvertent mistake. any man can do such mistake. your husband

    didn't do such mistake willingly and he loves you much. so please forgive him

    and forget it for the sake of your peaceful and happy conjugal life. i think he

    will never do such mistake.

    -thanks and good luck.

    Source(s): BikiLeakS
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  • You women drive us nuts. Get over it.

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Get over it.

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