How do I make up for being a control freak and being verbally abusive to my wife?

My wife, who is a beautiful and intelligent woman, have been together for over 6 years and married for almost three. I used to travel for work and was usually only home for the weekends and then on Monday I was off again. About a year and a half ago I was taken off the road and promoted to a position in the office.... show more My wife, who is a beautiful and intelligent woman, have been together for over 6 years and married for almost three. I used to travel for work and was usually only home for the weekends and then on Monday I was off again. About a year and a half ago I was taken off the road and promoted to a position in the office. So I was now home and it was a strange place. I started seeing things that I never noticed before and then I started seeing little clues everywhere that she had been seeing someone in my absence. Long story short; she was having an affair. Of course there was a fight, name calling and me threatening to leave. She begged me to stay and we talked. It turns out it was an affair that was just starting and she didn’t want to be with him. She said she wanted to be with me. She told me that she felt abandoned and neglected by me. We had a 7 month old baby girl (now 2) and I decided I would stay and try to work things out. Over the last year though I have been rotten to her (never physically abusive –like that makes a difference, right?-), called her names, exploded over every little thing, and just became a control freak to the point where I’m checking every e-mail, text message, using family locater to find her etc. etc. About two weeks ago I started talking openly to a friend of mine about my behavior (as the nut job) and something he said changed everything in my mind. He said, “You know, you can’t control other people’s behavior. Not your co-workers, not your friends and certainly not your wife’s, only your own.” Yesterday I sat down with my wife; I explained to her that I understood why she hasn’t been happy for the past year. I explained that I loved her and that she meant the world to me. I conceded that she had absolutely no reason to still love me and that if she wanted me to leave I would go and let her move on. She said that she wanted to work things out and didn’t want our family to break up, but she couldn’t take the **** from me any more. That’s the background now here’s what I’ve got to figure out: How do I make up for being so rotten to her for so long and what kinds of things can I do to reassure her?
Update: Geena, Wombat, David and Angelus thanks for the advice and help. All of your answers were great and were much appreciated. You all deserved “Best Answer” for one aspect or another. I had to roll a die from my Yatzee game to pick a winner for the points. Thanks, again folks. And to “Ryde on”; thanks for the comic... show more Geena, Wombat, David and Angelus thanks for the advice and help. All of your answers were great and were much appreciated. You all deserved “Best Answer” for one aspect or another. I had to roll a die from my Yatzee game to pick a winner for the points. Thanks, again folks. And to “Ryde on”; thanks for the comic relief, I laughed my butt off.
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