My boyfriend cheated on me 4 days ago but I had sex with him this weekend?
Things seemed to be going towards the path of getting back together for about 3 weeks, then he left for Miami on Wednesday and we got in a fight on Thursday over the phone, really heated and we both crossed the line (he called me a slut, I told him I hoped he died...I definitely regret that and will never wish death upon anyone again)..he tried apologizing but I told him he was a waste of time and I hated him...he reciprocated and said he wants his stuff back.
Monday came and we exchanged belongings at Wendys and before he walked out he told me he ****** his ex while in Miami and ****** her last night too. I threw my shoe at him and told me "I'm glad you didn't leave marks like she did" and showed me his hickies. I grabbed his face and neck and scratched him a little.
After Monday's blow I told him I still cared about him even though he did that to me. Thursday night he picked me up from a party I didn't want to be at (I was sober) and we went back to my house and hung out. He stayed until Saturday evening (today). We spent all weekend doing fun things, going to a art festival and out to eat at a restaurant..the things I told him we needed to do more of instead of staying home all the time. We had a lot of sex this weekend, most of which was love-making.
My question is, Am I young and naive? Is it possible to mend things between him and I? Are we too young to do hurt each other like this? I am 20 he is 23 and we started dating on and off for 1 year. We go to the same university, he also completed the fire academy. We are both very smart and ambitious. He is my bestfriend. Even though we've hurt each other and I truly love and care about him. He told me this weekend he's considering marrying me one day and having a family, but when we are both ready and out of college.
I told him he could have a "get of jail free" card while we started getting back together because he couldn't get past me having sex with another guy. I told him I understand and that I wanted him have sex with another girl and decide if he really wanted to be in a relationship with me. He did just that, but it hurt more because it was his ex who I know he used to care about.
They offer free couples counseling at our university and he said he would go with me. He asked me to be his girlfriend again and that he wants to take the steps to make it work. I believe him, but I feel like I've set myself up for heartbreak by having sex with him so soon. I cringe at the thought of him having sex with another girl (just like he did with me) and whenver it crosses my mind he sees it in my face and we talk about it.
Also, when we sleep next to each other (even before we broke up and things were pretty good) I have bad dreams about him cheating or lying or leaving me. I usually yell or cry or push or kick him and wake us both up. I had one of those last night again. He tells me I do a lot of weird things in my sleep, which I've also heard from friends and family.
What should I do? Can we possibly have a healthy and successful future? Or are there too many redflags this early on that will inevitable lead to our demise in the future? We've done a lot of making up and breaking up this past month or so and everytime I try to erase him from my head and heart I fall for him again. When we are together I feel like our souls are talking and our bodies were meant for each other. Gah! Young love..