You cheated. Do you tell or keep quiet?

I never did, but this is just a general question that I want other people's opinions on.

When I was younger we had a family that lived next door. We all got along, going over each others house, eating dinner together, going places, yadda yadda yadda. The wife cheated on the husband, and she asked my dad what she should do. My dad said to not tell him, and to keep what she did to herself. Why hurt someone like that?

She told her husband her act, and in return he cheated on her with her best friend. So their marriage ended in a divorce. My dad, every once and a while when we get on the subject, said that if I ever cheated to not say anything. He said to save it until I am on my death bed. (FYI my parents are divorced as well) My father never cheated, but my mom did. He kinda knew about her affairs, but didn't have much proof.

Let's say you cheated. Do you tell your other half what you did, or do you keep it a secret so you don't hurt them? I have seen people cheat and not tell their other half, and they live happily together. I've also seen it where people cheat, tell their half, and both get hurt in the end. Is it really a good idea to keep quiet about cheating and live life normally?


Once again, I never cheated. This is just a general question and wanted people's opinion on. I've seen relationships when one finds out their spouse is cheating. I've also seen people cheat but not say a word. (I married in Oct 2010. Been with the guy for six years. Happily married, expecting a new addtional in Spring...a dog! I'm not ready for kids yet. I'm 24 and enjoying time with the hubby before the screaming kids come along.)

Here's an example:

My friend, not using her real name, Megan used to date someone name Mark. (Once again, not real name) Mark broke up with Megan, found a new girl, and is engaged to her. Mark's new fiancee said no sex until marriage, which he didn't like. He calls Megan and they do some things together. They have oral sex, but to Mark that's not cheating since it's not real sex.

Megan is friends with Mark's fiancee, and Mark's fiancee doesn't have a clue what they are doing.

To me it's still cheating, but Mark's fiancee thinks everything is great. She d

20 Answers

  • 10 years ago
    Favourite answer

    Both get hurt in the end. It's better only one gets hurt.

    Don't cheat.

    Lies end up surfacing.


    I still maintain what I said, lies have a way of surfacing. I feel sorry for Megan because he isn't going to suddenly stop as soon as he say I do. He'll continue to find reasons to cheat. Sex is sex is sex. That is why it is called oral sex and not something else.

  • 10 years ago

    Let's look at this cheating thing. First, in order for it to be cheating there must be some form of a committed relationship/marriage right? OK, now if you had an affair outside of that commitment, it is called cheating because you crossed the acceptable boundaries for the relationship/marriage. If you did this and you really feel bad that you did it and you won't ever do it again, the remorse from your cheating is a sign that you have love for your mate and that violation bothers your conscience and your heart. This is a good thing. Under this condition, you should not tell and hurt the other person with this info. Now if you cheated more than once and continue in it, you don't give a hoot about the other person and you are selfish and if you have any morals or heart at all, please have enough respect for the person to let them go so as not to cause them devastating emotional trauma. Some folks have nervous breakdowns or even contemplate suicide behind the emotional hurt of finding out that their lover messed around and continues in it. Be decent enough to let this person go before you destroy what's left of their heart. That's just the decent thing to do.

  • 10 years ago

    Firs of all, of course I have to say that I love my husband more than I've ever loved anyone or anything, and the thought of another man touching me in that way makes me sick. So as far as I can see, this will never happen. BUT hypothetically, I really think I'd have to tell him. I get what you're saying but we both have always been VERY honest with the other, even when it hurts. I wouldn't be able to live with the lie, he'd know something was very wrong because of my behavior, there's no way it wouldn't come out one way or another. My guilt would make it very apparent. So I would have to just come clean and tell him. The thought of how badly that would hurt him is more than enough to keep me from ever doing such a low thing.

  • 10 years ago

    You hurt them during the act of cheating. No matter what is done or said after the fact will not change that. Many cheaters are merely searching for guilt relief from their actions by telling their spouse. That is a double edged sword with no constant direction. Sort of like "buyer beware". The simplest solution to this dilemma is not to cheat in the first place, but we all know that is a given.

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  • 10 years ago

    Why do people always assume there's guilt involved? That isn't always the case. I guess if someone feels so guilty to the point that it interferes with their life then they should tell. But before they do tell they should really be prepared for whatever consequences and reactions come out of that. I had an affair and still haven't told him to this day. I feel no guilt about it whatsoever. I like the deathbed idea.

  • 10 years ago

    Why hurt the other one twice?

    If it was a one time to keep it to your self and move on and hope that things will get better between the one you love and you.

    There are many reasons people cheat....but mostly in the end it comes down to selfishness of not wanting to control ones self and live up to a vow/ commitment.

    Often the spouse knows ...but if they have some plausible deniability, choose to ignore the other ones lapse.

  • 10 years ago

    I honestly would have to tell my partner. Just because that's a difficult guilt to carry around for a long time. I mean, obviously if you cheated on someone that tells you A LOT.

  • 10 years ago

    It's called cheating for a reason.

    When and If the partner finds out, come clean. Unless you want out. Then tell and hand them the papers.

    Source(s): cheated on.
  • 10 years ago

    I think if you cheat and are not caught you should tell.. If your man or woman enough to do it then you should be man or woman enough to say yeah I did it.. I cheated.... What would happen if you cheat and catch something??? Would you wannna give the person your with what you got?

  • S C
    Lv 4
    10 years ago

    i cheated on my husband twice.. once i kept secret until i told him about my other affair.. when i told him about the recent affair.. he was ok and willing to forgive me.. but when i told him about the one i had hidden for a while.. he was so hurt he couldn't stand it.. we are now divorcing.. (thank goodness) and i wish i would have told him about the first affair when it happened.. i say be honest and tell them.. hurts less when they find out later..

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