abusive relationship to a new one healthy one.. how to handle!?

i was in a very bad relationship 2 yrs ago.

he has made my life miserable, he cheated on me with his ex.

and got her pregnant.. he forced me for sex..etc... yes i know very bad stuff! :(

i was blind i didn't know what i got myself into.

until i opened my eyes and realized i was in an abusive relationship.

Now thank got i am in a healthy relationship!!

yes. he knows about my past and all

but.. jealousy caught me,

i get upset about little things now.

i trust him, but for no reason i start thinking negative..

i feel like this is going to break us up.

i feel like he is going to do what my ex did.

i feel sooo unsecured about everything,

and i do not want to loose him, cause of this.

..i really need some help and advise please!

Update:

thanks for all your answers and support! it really means alot!!!(:

8 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Best answer

    I know exactly how you feel! I was abused in a relationship too. Gun pulled to my head etc.. he lied to me about being married. I mean I've never had a good relationship to be honest. But if he clearly doesn't do those horrible things relax.. but always have your guard up. DON'T MAKE IT OBVIOUS. Paranoia causes conflict. But don't be afraid to ask questions. Make sure you word them right. Make sure he does bring around his friends. Make sure he does let people know he's with you. If he just acts like your just a fling...or a friend. Chuck him. Put yourself first. I believe things happen for a reason and what ever happened to us makes us stronger. Don't let something like that get to you. Your traumatized. But...try to be optimistic. Stay strong and good luck!

    Source(s): Personal experience.
  • 9 years ago

    To start you need to relax and let go of the past. Yes you have been hurt before, but the past is gone and you can't do anything about it. It may be hard to let go, but it's the best thing for you. If this new person makes you happy and you enjoy being with him as much as he enjoys being with you then have fun with him. Dont let your past relationship interfered with your new relationship. If you keep thinking about stuff like that, then it might break up your new relationship and you'll be hurt again. When ever you think negative take a deep breathe and remove those thoughts from your head immediately. Its not worth you getting hurt again. Every guy is not the same and you gotta realize that. Go have some happy times with your new mate. Take long walks, go watch movies, hang out all night. Do things that will make both of you smile and laugh. Hope I helped you and the best of luck.

  • 9 years ago

    Yep your Ex has still got a hold here hasn't he! You are waiting for the bomb to go off and if it doesn't you are going to create one just to satisfy the " need" for a calamity. So STOP! Your new bf wants you and you need to have the low self confidence and self worth given a real big boost. So here goes. You have no reason to be negative, you have what many want and may never have, you are wanted by a guy who knows your past and has accepted you are going to be a little cautious. You can either be backwards and inverted or you can really give it all you have, and girl you know you WANT IT ALL so go for it. Tell the bf you feel insecure he will understand, tell him you need more cuddles and affection and let it flow into you around you and over you. when you start feeling good tell him to keep it up (stop it! LOL) and start giving back what you are recieving, life will suddenly get a whole lot more intreseting and certainly better!

  • Time is a great healer BUT having said that, you have been through a lot, which will take a long time to get over. You won't be able to move on fully & enjoy what you have now though until you have fully let go off your past. Speak to your doctor about some councilling to help you move forward. Good luck, hope things work out for you.

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  • 9 years ago

    What has happened to you is horrible and undeserved by anyone. Because of what your ex put you through, especially the fact that he forced you to have sex with him, i would recommend counseling. Not only because of the way it has and is affecting you, but because what he did is called rape. Yes, you were in a relationship, and yes happy couples have sex, but a healthy relationship does not mean that your partner can force you to do something you don't want to do. If your new boyfriend knows and respects what has happened to you, you should be able to talk to him about what is going through your head. Do this because people in healthy relationships talk openly with one another (and if you cant talk to him, then you shouldn't be with him anyways) and also do this if you don't want to/or/can't afford to go to a counselor.

    I wish you the best of luck with this and hope everything works out for you :)

    Source(s): I was in a similar situation
  • 9 years ago

    Well take it from my experience..it will destroy your new relationship if u dont let go of the power your ex n his abuse has on you. if you do not let it go n move forward to happiness your ex will continue to have that power over you you may as well have stayed in the abusive relationship. It wasnt your fault what happen to you n how u were mistreated, but the result damaged your SELF esteem, n regardless of what party is at fault in any relationship A good successful relationship STARTS W YOU....GoodLuck

    Source(s): personal experience
  • 9 years ago

    If you trust him than you wouldnt be jelous. So maybe you dont really trust him.

    Talk with him and if you feel insecure still. Than it is your problem and you will have to get over your problems within. You cant expect everything to work if you wont let it.

  • 9 years ago

    ive gotten cheated on three times in a row after telling the people my past bf cheated on me and im crying still..

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