Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 10 years ago

Girls, how do you deal with rape?

Years ago, I was a17 yo girl who told my bf no at least 7 times. He tried to put it in, and I said no. He stopped. And he said, "Aren't you glad you aren't a virgin anymore?" I was traumatized for life.

Every encounter after that I consented because I thought I was no longer a virgin, why did it matter? 7 months later after still not feeling right and still feeling violated, I told authorities. But my bf kept telling me I said yes. He said if I really didn't want it then I could of yelled, I could have hit him, and that he said he knew many more guys who were more aggressive than he was. Though he was right that I did say yes, I said it only AFTER that first encounter. The first time... very first time, I had said no. I told them my bf's story of the events instead because I had so much self doubt about the first encounter. Did he really put it in? does it count? He didn't finish, after all. Maybe that didn't count as sex. The cop pressured into pressing charges, but I didn't want to. I never told them of the first encounter thinking it didn't count. After that, the cop ridiculed me for trying to accuse an "innocent man." I cried a lot thinking the cop was right. My bf was after all a Christian.

I lost a friend even because she doesn't believe me since the cop agrees with my bf. Both my friend and my ex bf have been harassing me for at least 6 years through email, IMing, and other messages while I have stopped talking to both of them and not contacted them for 8 years. My bf was confident I would return to him even after the rape accusations. My parents allowed him to be in a relationship with me again and let him in our house. I was terrified. Thinking I had very little control in getting rid of him. I didn't want a relationship with him. So I forced the break up.

But somewhere deep inside, I think he knows what he did was wrong now that he's older. I think that's why he still tries to contact me. No innocent man would still follow a girl accusing him of rape.

Anyway, it's been 10 years now. Things have surfaced up again since hearing from him on fb. I just don't know what else to do to calm my anxiety. I haven't been able to sleep again for a few days now.

5 Answers

  • 10 years ago
    Favourite answer

    Wow. He sounds like an asshole. If you have said NO numerous times, he did not have the right to try to have sex with you... only because you didn't yell or scream!! Also, just because someone doesn't finish, it doesn't mean it isn't sex!

    I was raped when i was 18 by a colleague at work. My boss didn't believe me at all. It's hard to deal with. Almost 10 years later, I succeed in ignoring what happened, but sometimes it comes back up when I visit my old hometown. Who cares what he thinks deep down inside. It doesn't justify his behavior. Sorry to say, but most cops are animals anyway. You know yourself what happened if you feel like it wasn't with your consent, don't doubt yourself!

    How I deal with rape? It's hard. But I still lead a very happy life and have had amazing relationships. I just don't try to visit my hometown. If it comes up, I do get anxiety issues. Delete him or block him on facebook, change your number, just get him out of your life.

    You're ok. He won't try to hurt you anymore, he just has heavy issues.

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  • 10 years ago

    do yourself a favor and delete him and block him off of facebook, IM, etc. Change your email, get a new phone, with a new phone number, and tell all your friends to keep the number confidential. If he comes to your house, call the cops, and if he approaches you in a public place, leave.

    You annoy me because you sat here and told everyone how you're trying to avoid this guy, yet you added him on facebook... quit pretending like you dont know how to erase someone from your life. Either delete him or delete this question, because if you keep him around, your question becomes nothing more than an attention seeker.

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  • KennyG
    Lv 7
    10 years ago

    None of what he did could be called "Christian". It wasn't the first time, nor was it any other time after that even though you thought your viriginity was now "gone," and it no longer mattered. (Where did you get the idea that it no longer matters after the first time?) If he has any Christian scruples inside him, he likely WILL come to feel guilty about what he did to you..or he should! If his contacts do not contain apologies and requests for you to forgive him, then he hasn't learned anything yet.

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  • 4 years ago

    bypass to conventional practitioner and get regarded at, ok get counciling one on one or crew counciling. communicate with family participants and friends. bypass to church , get kept if no longer kept. get in the direction of Him. pray. he might want to help and handbook you. it takes time to heal mentally and bodily. if can't be healed= it receives more advantageous ideal as time is going with the help of. desire this enables.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    So a guy gets carried away one time, and you blame him for your slutty behaviour from then on?

    Did I miss anything?

    Source(s): Is Singles and Dating really an appropriate place to ask this?
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