I really need your help. Terrified life in danger etc.?

I'm 16 and I was recently in the hospital five times. I had a major chest wall repair and then my lung keeps collapsing. It's collapsed three times. At first i was kind of joking around saying I was dying (the other people knew i was joking, so i wasnt lying about it) . I only had one friend come and see me... show more I'm 16 and I was recently in the hospital five times. I had a major chest wall repair and then my lung keeps collapsing. It's collapsed three times. At first i was kind of joking around saying I was dying (the other people knew i was joking, so i wasnt lying about it) . I only had one friend come and see me in the hospital all of the times I was there. She's two years older than me and she's always really nice to me. For my birthday, she took me out and hung out with me all day bought me lunch and stuff. She used to always call me her little brother, and i got her a good job recently. I've gotta pal in Sacramento (which is across the US from me) and we've been playing games online and talking for the last two years or so. He's in his 20's and he's been treated for lung cancer and it's coming back again. He and I were both hospitalized at the same time. He also can't see ever see his daughter again, and i lost my little brother 2 years ago and i really feel like i can relate to him on a friendly level, but I feel like I know a lot of his pain too. I've got other "friends" but they're so shallow and there's nothing deep between us. These two friends are the only ones I ever can relate too. The guy always asks me how the lung's coming and i ask the same to him. We always check on each other etc. The girl, well, lately she just doesn't seem to really want to hear from me at all.

The thing is, I'm terrified after this. At first it didn't really bother me, but when i was out on a walk tonight (I have to walk to help recover from surgery) a mosquito spraying truck passed me and I got terrified. It was spraying poison and I know that inhalants have a good chance to make my lung collapse again. I was terrified of the lungs collapsing and even if they didn't the poison weakens them more. So I got home as fast as I could. I was scared. I mean that stuff could mean death for me. It didn't really sink in until then. I tried to send her a text so i could talk to her and i haven't heard from her in about a week. But I got nothing. She didn't respond. I know her phone could just be off or something, but this isn't the first time she's blown me off for no reason. I don't know how to tell her that i really need her. I'm really absolutely terrified now that I'm going to die. I've calmed down since I got home, but the fears still there completely. I don't know what to do. I don't want to scare her on one hand, but on the other hand, I don't want her to just blow me off like it's nothing. I really don't know what to tell her at all.

Emotionally, I'm completely lost. The girl was the only one of my friends to come see me at the hospital. The rest of them haven't even asked about me. I told a couple of them i was coming back to school soon and all i got was "oh, cool". The physical stress alone plus spending a total of 34 days in a hospital bed alone has not helped. On one hand, I hate them. They've pretty much abandoned me for no reason at all. The most important time to be with a friend and show them you care is times like this. The pain killers leave me in a state of constantly being furious at anything that moves for no good reason at all. I find huge mood swings from the spontaneous fury to being exhausted to being depressed as hell.

I don't know what to do. I mean I can't avoid cigarettes, paints, aerosols, etc my whole life. I can't freak out like that, but at the same time, it could mean serious damage to my lungs. I really have no idea where to even start or the slightest idea of what to do. The doctors basically told me if I ever smoke or if I ever snort any substance, it will basically mean instadeath for me. But I don't know how much of the other smoke and chemicals in the air my lungs can take before something goes wrong. If anyone has even the vaguest idea of what to do about this or about how to tell my friend, I would really appreciate any advice. Thanks for the help.
4 answers 4