Can someone give me an opinion on the beginning of a story I'm writing?

Here it is: be as critical as you like The only thing everyone is asking is why. And the only thing anyone is asking themselves is how it could have been their fault. Of course it was my fault. The butterfly effect. A long series of events that leads to one disaster that ruins the lives of many, but doesn't... show more Here it is: be as critical as you like

The only thing everyone is asking is why. And the only thing anyone is asking themselves is how it could have been their fault. Of course it was my fault. The butterfly effect. A long series of events that leads to one disaster that ruins the lives of many, but doesn't concern the lives of many many more. Doesn't change the coffee they get in the morning, the hopelessness thoughts of their own lives, the selfish thoughts, the need for material objects. Not that I'm judging, I know this because it's exactly how I live my life.
It's the same as a car crash, a tragic accident, a cold that isn't treated that is really just an imposter of a cold. They ask themselves, I should have invited them to stay for tea. I should have told them to get it checked out just to be sure. I should have been a better person and be less self centred and actually recognise the signs that are radiating from the ones closest to me that I am completely oblivious to.
The happiest people I know in life are the ones that have nothing to lose. Don't get me wrong, I know this is just a generalisation. But the ones that have no thoughts of responsibilities, major goals in life, expectations from other people, expectations from themselves. It's not just the fact that they take risks in doing the things they want to do, it's that they enjoy them.
She was at her happiest that day. And now I know why. She had already decided.
She was my high school sweetheart. After two years I thought I would never love again. I did, but as they say, you never forget your first love. And this was always true for me.
I remember all the small things. The small things, the memories you collect, are all you have in this life. It isn't the material objects you own, but the memories you have from buying them, the emotions associated with these objects that contribute to the story of your life.
I remember being naive. I remember the way she looked in the low light of my bedroom. The fact that she would never tie her hair back. How she let me put my feet up on her on the couch whenever we watched tv. The fact that no matter what anyone thought, I didn't care because she made me feel like one person on this earth wanted me for me, and only wanted me. I remember feeling completely content within who I was and wherever I was going because nothing else mattered because she was mine. Well she didn't in the end. But those feelings, those memories, are still fond ones of mine.
My mother never approved. She didn't think it was right for two girls to date, and only ugly girls and girls that couldn't find boyfriends date each other. She never told her parents.
I've always known that I would never be completely over her. Not in a way that I couldn't completely love someone else. Just in a way that I could always appreciate the moments we shared.
Update: Just to be curious, is the lesbian thing the problem with your morals?

Yes sorry I know it's confusing it obviously doen't explain what's going on at the moment but that will progress and be explained throughout the story.
Update 2: Also, thank you very much for your critique, my intention is not to shock, it's just a relationship between women. I understand that this will affect the audience for the text. I guess I still need to work on a hook. I was intending to kind of give the impression that the girl died, but the reader... show more Also, thank you very much for your critique, my intention is not to shock, it's just a relationship between women. I understand that this will affect the audience for the text. I guess I still need to work on a hook.

I was intending to kind of give the impression that the girl died, but the reader doesn't know how yet. I definetly agree that the 'hook in' is one of the most important part so I'll work on that :)
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