Why Are Married Men Upset When Their mistresses Date Someone else?

This isn't about me so before everyone starts calling me a whore and home wrecker just read the question.

I have heard this many times. A married man is seeing another woman and will swear up and down that it isn't just about the sex, that they have something deeper than that. Yet he won't leave his wife. So the other woman thinks he's full of it and starts dating other people, then the married man freaks out and accuses her of "cheating on him". What is this called? Delusion? LOL And what is more confusing is that the mistress mistakes his anger and jealousy of the other guy for LOVE even though he still won't leave his wife.

He won't leave his wife for her but the mistress still can't see anyone else. Anyone been in this situation or understand this. I won't bash the other woman...for those of you that would like to answer. I don't judge unlike the other crazy self-righteous people on here. Best Answer 10 points!

Update:

To black pea: I don't judge. It's just not me, not something I can do. I'm always objective and am really interested in both sides of every story. And FYI I have been cheated on. Actually by my fiance with a close friend of both of ours while she was staying in our house trying to hide from her abusive husband. He actually left me for her. But that was almost 3 years ago, I'm over it, I've moved on and it really has nothing to do with this question. I just wanted opinions and since you didn't answer the question you're out of the running for Best Answer. In the words of Perex Hilton "Sorry BB" LOL

26 Answers

Relevance
  • Ella
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    Because the married man doesn't want what little time he has with the woman to be interrupted by someone else.

    It's OK for the married man to give his mistress scrap time, but it's not OK for her to do the same to him.

    • Trish6 years agoReport

      They have nerve

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 1 decade ago

    The other posters may be right when they say that it may be because he is afraid the mistress might contract something then give it to him. How WOULD he explain that to his wife? It could also be that he may really have true feelings for the mistress but for one reason or another is unable to leave his wife. Maybe he can't leave due to financial reasons, religious reasons, family issues, children, or for the simple fact that he is comfortable and scared to leave. It could also be because the guy is just a selfish prick-he could just want to have his cake and eat it too-yet doesn't believe that anyone should object to it. I've been in a similar situation...the guy was married (didn't know this at first) and wouldn't leave his wife (once I found out). I found that when I was in a relationship is when he wanted to see me more, and when I was single he backed off. Wierd, kinda opposite this. Needless to say 4 years later he is still around...I don't get the sense in that! haha

    Source(s): Been there!!
    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 5 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.

    RE:

    Why Are Married Men Upset When Their mistresses Date Someone else?

    This isn't about me so before everyone starts calling me a whore and home wrecker just read the question.

    I have heard this many times. A married man is seeing another woman and will swear up and down that it isn't just about the sex, that they have something deeper than that. Yet he...

    Source(s): married men upset mistresses date else: https://tinyurl.im/2ZExF
    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • Amy
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Playing devil's advocate here:

    It is possible that he does love the mistress, despite being unwilling to leave the wife. There are many advantages to keeping a marriage together, not the least of which is financial, but also to keep both parents under the same roof as the children, social standing, etc.

    Jealousy certainly isn't proof of love - plenty of controlling, possessive people have no love for the object of their jealousy. But it is possible.

    More likely he doesn't want to share his playground or risk having her meet someone who is fully available to her and be left behind.

    Source(s): My opinion.
  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • Lola
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    because men are selfish, territorial and greedy! LOL naahhh, all jokes aside, they want to be the only one in both women's lives! it's a macho thing i think. Not all men though feel this way, some men know and are OK with their misstresses having other lovers. But most of them want to be the only ones. I'll give you one example, i have a friend that has a "booty call" and when this guy told her he won't be seeing her anymore because he found a girl he wants to be exclusive with, she had a fit!!!! why?? they weren't a couple, it was just sex, right? wrong!!!! deep inside nobody wants the person they are with to be with anyone else. It's human nature. Is it right? NO, is it hypocritical? yes!! just one of those things about us humans!

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 1 decade ago

    Cheating is about a lot more than society cares to address. After all who wants to be cheated on - and each person that enters a relationship knows that cheating is so plentiful and is one of the major courses of divorce – so why do we still get married?

    Most males/females talk about someone who has cheated and comment and judge --- eventually at least 1 in 4 of us will be in the same shoes of the “cheater” or the one being cheated on.

    However, Cheaters are people with emotional immaturities – feelings of low self-esteem and unfulfilled egos of self-worth. Intelligence won’t allow them to address issues that are deep within their own characters – “why do I behavior or feel this way” and if a person cannot take an honest and direct look into themselves – they cannot address and “fix” what’s wrong.

    Some are sex addicts who have not addressed issues from childhood, some could be sexual abuse, domestic violence in the household; learned and repeated behaviors that they saw from their own parents and social “norms” accepted in their cultures and/or homes.

    Rarely does cheating lead to leaving one spouse and marrying the mistress or other man because if it’s the cheaters ego – he/she is only in it for the thrill of “almost being caught” “having someone he/she is not available to” under their control;’ or feeling good while in the act and if it’s sex then forbidden sexual encounters act out what drugs would be to an addict. Almost all cheaters feel a sense of shame and remorse but if you have ever tried to kick a habit – it’s not easy – to give up feeling “good” for a moment and not thinking about feeling bad latter on.

    Cheating is a lot more complex than some man or woman sneaking out on their mates – it goes beyond not being satisfied at home – Cheaters might tell their mates they do not satisfy them – but that is to justify their actions and make them feel less guilty. Without Cheaters Jerry Springer and Maury Povitch would be out of work eh?

    Source(s): studied relationship and behavior modification as an undergrad
    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • 5 years ago

    I was dating a woman for about five weeks when I found out she was seeing a married man. I was with this woman when he threatened her that he was coming around to sort me out. He never turned up but I realised there was something between them still. I finished with this woman but a month later she convinced me it was all over between them again and I started dating her again but I caught him at her house three weeks later.I don t understand if I was used to make him jealous or she actually liked me but couldn t get away from him. Reading all of this site has really helped me tho as I know I wasn t doing anything wrong.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Because everyone know that women who sleep with more than one man at a time are immoral whores who probably used their womanly wiles to lure the man away from being faithful in marriage. Duh. Everyone knows that.

    ((Please note strong sarcasm))

    Actually, you hear about that kind of thing from both sides, it's just men tend to be more vocal about it. Women who cheat on their husbands tend to do the same thing to their boytoys. The married person tends to use speacial reasoning for themselves ('oh, but I'd be only with you if I wasn't already married.' or 'It's different what I'm doing because my spouse isn't making me happy anymore, but I thought you were still happy with me?") and alot of times the married person even convinces themselves that they will leave their spouse for this other person, knowing deep down in the pit of their brain that they don't really intend to at all.

    The guy I'm with (who I've been friends with since sophmore highschool year, if you wonder how I know all this) was another woman's 'other man' when he was 18 (she is a married woman who still aparently goes after younger guys all the time, her main tactic being to take her band off and waiting until her and the guy have that strong just-fell-in-love-so-everything-is-wonderful-and-this-could-last-forever bond before dropping the bomb: 'Oh, by the way..')..she kept telling him she was about to leave her husband, yet he still saw them together, and they seemed pretty happy he said dispite her swearing she was miserable. She even got POed at him when a girl gave him her phone number at his work.

    It didn't even end for a while after he finally ditched her. She stilled texted him asking if he missed her and crap like that. When she saw us a while later in a restaurant, she sent him a message telling him how much it 'hurt' her to see him with another woman 'so soon' (this had been nearly half a year since) and got all melodramatic about how wrong he was for moving on, though we found out later that she'd already moved on from him to a few other 'other guys', probably before they had even broke up, and yes, she was still married to her husband...

    It's just the self-centered hypocracy of human nature I guess..

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • .
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    You said: "I don't judge unlike the other crazy self-righteous people on here."...which means you just did (judge)...pot calling the kettle black, eh...LOL!

    What's wrong with judging??? It's not always a bad thing and I've judged many people to be quite wonderful...ohhh, does that make me "crazy" or "self-righteous"??? If you think so, it matters not... ☺

    Married people who cheat are trash (take that for a judgement) so it's not odd that someone that selfish would want their play-toy all to themselves...and not odd the person who would cheat with them would have no problem fooling around with others also (they apparently are as morally deficient as the cheater...how's that for judgement???)...

    I'm sure some married women who cheat also get quite upset when their lovers screw other women...many people want to be their partner's only-one, even if their partner isn't theirs...

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • ab
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    That's because I want for my mistress to be with me and me only so that she won't catch any other std's from someone else. I know this sounds pathetic as hell but its very true.

    And also he does want to leave his wife because it feels good having two women, two lovers total, at the same time. Just my wild guessing here from a man's point of view.

    Its just love..love speading around....not murdering anyone. lol

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.