my mum and dad have given me an ultimatum either its them or my friend to go to my wedding is this wrong ?

i am my mothers only daughter, and i am getting married next month.. A friend of mine whom my parents don't like, wants to attend..I just mentioned to her that my friend wants to attend, and she went ballistic saying that she and my stepdad will not go if my friend does.i would truly appreciate any advice

Update:

thank you for the responses i greatly am thankful, in regards to frofrous reply more info.

Eight years ago we all had an arguement myself my mum and my friend.my mums was going to my defense and even i stopped talking to my friend alot of things were said in spite..I forgave my friend and havent looked back but my mum and stepdad haven't..They wont visit me incase she is here.i have to go and see them ..its always negativity against her..This is something that happened 8 years ago. how long do we hold a grudge.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    I would tell them that your friend means something to you and you want her there and that you love your parents and would be very upset if they didn't come. There is nothing you can do if you want them all there, you will just have to let these adults be grown up enough to not hurt you over their own issues.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Its a tough situation darling. I had a similar one except it wasn't just a guest, it was my ex who happens to be my husband's best friend. My parents strongly dislike my ex and didn't want him at the wedding and really weren't happy that he was in the wedding, and surprise, the day of the wedding, my husband made him his best man. I didn't have any problems with it, my husband, ex, and I all get along great! But my dad was barely even civil to my ex, I think he spoke less than 10 words to him the whole day and he was even there to help set up before the wedding. I personally don't think they should give an ultimatum, I think its rude of them to because it is your day and you want to be surrounded by the people you love, not by just your parents pick of guests. Maybe write a letter to your mom about how much it would mean for both your parents and your friend to be at the wedding. A wedding lasts a few hours, and while it might be hard on your parents, I'm sure they could be civil for that long to someone they don't like.

    Source(s): I wrote a letter to my dad about my ex being at the wedding and asking him to please be civil to him and not cause a scene.
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  • 4 years ago

    First, I'm way confused --- sounds like you have been with your "babysitter" but there was only talks about an older child in the house --- does she live with you? your wife should be the one you are scared of, It's called a restraining order and your older son will get over her on being there I'm sure he can find his own friends to come over to the house You need to be focused on your marriage, the fact that you have drugs in your house (with a small child?) and a gun being available to anyone at anytime - sounds like the "babysitter" is more of a "sex toy" for you and she sounds REALLY young - you need to get some balls, grow up and make a choice you are hurting your family and the girl is obviously very toxic to an already toxic environment

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  • Avis B
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    YOU, the Bride and Groom, have the right to invite anyone you wish to your wedding. Does your friend make you unhappy? Does your friend make you feel uncomfortable? Does this friend make you angry? If they did, you would not call them your friend.

    Have you asked your Mother and Stepfather why they do not like your friend, there may be a valid reason.

    And if your Mother and Stepfather do not have a good reason why your friend should not be invited, then invite him or her. This is YOUR wedding, and if you are mature enough to get married, then you are mature enough to decide who you do or do not want at your wedding ceremony.

    Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

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  • 1 decade ago

    Well, technically, you get to invite whomever you want. That said, if they are footing the bill, they do get a say in who is invited. Also, family trumps friends, especially if they have a good reason to dislike this friend.

    My mother really disliked one of my best friends, and I couldn't understand why. But 8 years later, when push came to shove, she stabbed me in the back and didn't look back. And then I saw what my mother saw all along.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Honestly that's a tough spot to be in. I would simply invite them both and if they come it's up to them I would not facilitate any ill feelings or discussion. If you discuss this issue with your parents it will just add more unnecessary stress to your big day.

    So seriously invite them and do not discuss anything about your friend coming or not. Then leave it up to your mom to decide. They will manipulate you and make you feel guilty if you try to discuss where in the situation will be better if you just behave mysterious....say nothing.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You know they don't like this (boy? girl?) and I bet you know why, but you have not stated it. You won't get a good answer by omitting information.

    Being an only daughter does not give you license to step all over your mother's feelings. If she is that uncomfortable around this person, why would you subject her to that, and particularly at your wedding? My point is that, after the bride, the bride's mother views her wedding as a milestone. Way moreso than any friend.

    No, wait. It is your wedding after all, not hers. Go ahead and ruin it for her. Make your friend happy while you're at it.

    Source(s): Good luck.
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    That's sad...it's your wedding. Even if your parents really dislike your friend, (and probably because they're trying to protect you from, in their opinion, your friend's bad influence,) surely for your wedding your parents and your friend could co-exist in peace? It's not like they have to sit at the same table!

    But I think it comes down to who is paying...if your parents are footing the bill, they do have a big say on who attends, if you and your groom are paying, I think it's up to you. Having said that, I think I would opt for my parents over my friend, even if I'm paying. There must be a big reason for this, it probably wouldn't come as a surprise to your friend if you have to explain the reason why your parents don't want him/her there. If he/she is a real friend, they will understand and stay friends with you. Parents don't usually make that strong a statement unless they are trying to protect their kids.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Going against the grain here, but keep your parents, drop the friend. If they are that set about this, your friend had to have done something to cause this. I doubt they drew her name as someone to hate out of a hat.

    In 10 years, odds are great that friend won't even remember you, your parents will always be there.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Call their bluff. Invite your friend and your parents. No offense, but if your mother follows through on her threat then she's really petty.

    Unless your friend has done something to warrant this hate, then you have no reason to not invite her - whatever there is between your mother and your friend is between the two of them, and if your mother can't put her differences aside for one day, then fine. Her loss.

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