Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 10 years ago

his mom is a control freak. she cant stop trying to control the relationship. how do i get her off my back?

we have been dating for 1 year and 7 months. we are finally adults but he still lives a home due to financial issues. however his mom drives me nuts. she is such a control freak trying to influence every little decision, she speaks poorly of my respected family and she is over dramatic about everything and blames all his mistakes on me. how do i deal with her. he tries to talk to her and sometimes she listens for a while then goes back to her ways. he isnt a mamas boy. thank god but no matter how he approaches her she wont stop.

Update:

sorry for the misunderstanding. im moved out but he isnt.

10 Answers

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  • 1+1=2
    Lv 4
    10 years ago
    Best answer

    It seems as if you guys may have started dating as teenagers and "are finally adults" meaning you just turned 18. Being 18 means you two have become of legal age, not that you are really adults if you both are not self-sufficient and still need assistance from your parents. That being mentioned, you've also disclosed that he still lives with his mother, which, in her mind, would give her the right to interfere into his life.

    Realistically, you can't "get her off" your "back" in the given situation. In her mind you guys are still kids and she is still a mother-hen who is there to protect her son. Your boyfriend, her son, needs to stand up to her. If she's criticizing you and your family is should be apparent that she doesn't like you and/or doesn't feel you are good enough for her son.

    You should take the high road in trying to be respectful of her, yet firm when it comes to making your decisions (if you're a good and prudent decision maker) or learn to evaluate whether you are making a good or bad decisions. Also, learn to have a thicker skin when it comes to matters concerning her, since you know she doesn't like you. It's hard, but if you intend to be with your boyfriend for a long time (even marriage), you will have to learn to live with his mother. If you begin to attack her or her character he will only begin to dislike you.

    Source(s): Life.
  • 4 years ago

    Hi i totally understand what your saying about doctors looking down on you cause they do at times and its horrible. I have also had chlamydia and have had alot of other problems relating to that area such as pelvic inflammatory disease and i now have a scarred tube and a low risk of getting pregnant. I had unprotected sex for months and i never got pregnant but then after a year or so it happened i also don't have regular periods i get 1 every 7 months or so. When i explained this to a lady as the sexual health clinic she was really nice and said when it come to the point where i want to have children they can give me something to regulate my periods so i can get pregnant. In your case i wouldn't worry you are going to have to go to your doctors and just tell them you have been having unprotected sex and haven't got pregnant yet and you are really scared (youdon'tt have to tell them about the sti or anything)they wont be able to tell you if youdefiantlyy can have children but they can help you get pregnant when the time comes so dont worry, and by the way just because your 17doesn'tt that you would be any less of a mother than a 30 year old Good luck and i hope you get what you want xx

  • 10 years ago

    Its great to see that someone out there is having the same problem as me...my bf mother annoys me to the highest degree..she has an opinion on everything, even things that dont concern her. What I did was went right to the root of all our problems, her. I spoke to her about how she cannot continue to act like such an a**hole. She has backed off for now, but god knows how long that will last.

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    As long as he lives at home Mom is going to try to exercise what she believes are her parental rights. Some mothers just don't get that their children have become adults. He needs to tell her in no uncertain terms that he chooses to have you as his girl friend and she needs to back off and let him make his own decisions. He could also try to appease her a bit by saying he does value her opinion but please let me make my own decisions and if I really need your advice I will gladly come to you for it. If he is not paying any kind of room and board I have a feeling that is fodder for Mom to think she is still in charge. He also needs to tell her that she needs to keep her opinion of your respected family to herself. She doesn't have to like them but she does need to keep her opinion to herself if she wants to avoid more arguments. I am afraid that you may always be the fall guy as far as her son goes which is sad but all too common. Maybe if you invited her to go shopping in the mall or invited her for lunch one afternoon. This way she could get to know you on a 1 to 1 basis and she will see that you are not shutting her out of her sons life. I am only guessing but is he an only child or an only son? These are the mothers that hold on the tightest and it takes diplomacy and tact to wrench them free from Mommy. If all else fails he may just have to wait until he moves out to free himself from Mommas apron strings. I hope you can resolve this soon because more relationship's break up because of this very situation and that is just sad. Good Luck

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  • 10 years ago

    If you are an adult, and your over 18 you need to talk to him first and next time she starts talking **** just stand up and tell her off, tell her exactly whats been bugging you, sometimes moms just need to realise you arent just going to deal with it, let her have it, they need to hear it most of the time.

    Hope it helps

    Source(s): me
  • 10 years ago

    i think the only answer is..either you have a deep talk with her saying it hurts you when she talks about your family like that . orr put up with it until you have the money to move out :S i can't think of any other way sorry .. except councilling? family group councilling

  • 10 years ago

    Oh jesus... a monster in law lol! hmm id talk to him about it. ** SPEAK AS KINDLY AS POSSIBLE** thry to plan what you are going to say to him before you actually talk to him (so you dont wind up saying somthing bad about his mom) my mom hates my grandma (dads mom) lol and it sounds like you and my mom are in very similar situations . my mom just deals with my grandma and my dad knows my mom dislikes her. and he is FINE with it. try talking to him. Hope it helps. good luck!

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    one can only control other if other let them to.

    all you should worry is if the guy loves you and respects your family ... his mum gives lots of importance to you ..you must be very important :) ..why do you give her so much importance ? ignore her as if she doset exist.

    concentrate on your guy

  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Quote "he isnt a mamas boy" Theres your problem.

    Mamas so kind to you she make you dinner.

    I WILL FIGHT THIS HEEEERRRRRRRAAAACCCCYYY!!!!eleven!!!1! TIL YOU ARE DEFEATED OR UNTIL MOTHER CALLS ME TO DINNER!

    Source(s): I grrew up in da hood/basement.
  • Anonymous
    10 years ago

    Talk with him about his mother. He has to talk with her. Tell him to straighten his finances up and move out of her house because she is hurting yall's relationship.

    You can not allow what people say about you or anyone else effect you- take it with a grain of salt and move on. Talk with your boyfriend and ask him to talk to your mother-- if that does not work you should invite her to lunch and tell her that she is upsetting you by her actions and that she needs to cut the apron strings and she hurts your feelings when she puts your family down. I hope you and her work things out. Have him move out as soon as possible- get him in college in a dorm- yall get an apartment together- or something.

    I am a mother and my kids are 19 & 20 and I will be coming into a lot of money soon. My kids will be getting their own money and I will be giving them money -- the money they get will be in trust and divided into a specific amount until they get their education and mature. This is not being controlling but protecting my children's future. My children hate my relatives as much as I do and if I speak poorly about someone I have reason- my relatives will be arrested and sentenced for crimes against humanity with Tabitha and many others soon and my children could care less. Everything I say about my relatives can be proven and not only do I have the proof but law enforcement agencies and military personnel have the proof as well and will make the arrest. My relatives will not have ppl fake their death and leave them money- will not mooch off my kids money-- and will be arrested for their crimes against humanity and sentenced and I will not stop until the arrest are made. My relatives are garbage to say the least and since Im online I am being very polite. They will be arrested & sentenced and I can not wait.

    As a parent-- the decisions I make for my children are to protect their future. They will be given enough to live on while going to college and as they mature they will gain control of their money and the money will be in trust and no one pulling any strings. I'm not going to fake my death or allow anyone else to fake their death- Im going to make sure the sentence my relatives and Tabitha and the others get is as real as everything they done to me. I am not controlling my kids- keeping them from dangerous people who will be arrested and sentenced for crimes against humanity. My kids hate my relatives as much as I do-- my relatives are criminals and garbage who from the time I was 6 years old plotted against me to kill me- my parents tried to kill me more than once- they sided with Robert Crider to try to hurt me and I ended up being raped, beaten, tortured, intentionally infected with hepatitis c (undetectable now after the treatment), poisoned, etc... not only do I have the proof but so do many other people who are in military, law enforcement, and the entertainment industry(Tabitha who was involved when she and I were adults in crimes against me-- Rob Thomas from Matchbox 20 named his first band after her-- Tabitha's Secret- his drummer Paul-- in MB20 Adam-- you see Tabitha had a son named Adam by a guy named Paul in Des Arc Arkansas- this is all online) not to mention many other people know of Tabitha and my relatives and others crimes and they will be arrested soon. My point being- my relatives (the list is a long list) were involved in harming me and will be arrested and so will Tabitha, Dwayne, and many others. My children hate my relatives-- all of them and will be just as happy when they are arrested and sentenced as I will be. I will not stop until they are arrested for their crimes against humanity.

    Interesting tidbit of info: My name Dianna like Princess Diana (my psycho Grandfather who had custody of me was named Charlie (Charles) and resembled Prince Charles a bit. )Another coincidence is my bday is June 1st- same as Marilyn Monroe -- Elton John sang a song about Marilyn Monroe and then changed it for Princess Diana after she died and my name is Dianna-- also Lizzy Borden died on June 1st. My birthday is a curse day--

    All that to say-- when I say something bad about someone I have a reason--- I can prove everything I say and so can other people-- law enforcement, military, & people in the entertainment industry. I will not allow those individuals to be anywhere near my children and the sooner they are arrested the better.

    Get him to move out if his mother's house. Get an apartment together- find guy friends for him to get an apartment with- get him in college in a college dorm- etc.... but get him on his own.

    One more thing- my mother is not going to be around me ever- my upcoming events -- she is not going to be a part of-- never -- when I say someone is out they are out- plain and simple.

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