Should I be my sister's best man in her wedding?

This is my situation (Its a bit long). My wife says that if I attend or stand-up in my sister's wedding, our marriage of 7 years is over. Her reasons, my sister show's favoritism to my 2-older children from a previous relationship (they live with their mother), and shows very little attention to our daughter. Examples, my two older children are in the wedding and our daughter is not. My sister would leave compliments under the photos of my older children on my facebook and overlooks pictures of my daughter. My sister takes my oldest 2 children on vacation and does not offer to take our daughter. If she and my wife have a disagreement around holidays, my sister and mother will take back our daughter's gifts. My mother has called both my wife and daughter the wrong names for over a year. My sister and mom never pick up the phone to call my wife to speak to our daughter. My wife thinks that they don't buy appropriate gifts for her and our daughter while she buys all of my family gifts every holiday season. Example, my mother and sister would buy my brother's girlfriend designer hand bags and get her slippers. When my wife confronted her about the favoritism, my sister went off and said things that were inaccurate.

The other side of the situation is my sister says that she did not include our daughter because she is 4 and probably will have trouble following direction. My wife has relatives that have been mooching off of us ever since I could remember. This includes constant begging for money, a place to stay, cigarettes, a ride somewhere and so on. She has relatives that have problems with addiction and have made some scary scenes in front of our children that I don't think should be tolerated but she still keeps them around. My belief is, because I have put up with years of direct and indirect inappropriate behavior from her relatives without ever giving her an ultimatum (because I belief that most in-laws are screwed up) to have nothing to do with her family, she should have the same consideration. HELP!?

By the way, did I mention that we're an interracial couple? She's Irish/Italian and I'm African American.

3 Answers

  • Kelly
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    I think your mom & sister are wrong for the way they appear to treat your wife and daughter, but your wife is also wrong for issuing "ultimatums" over your family, while seeing things her own family does as "okay" that's also "playing favorites".

    Your position in the middle isn't easy however, you need to stress it to your mom & sister that you have 3 children not 2. If they can't do something for all of them, then they can't do something for any of them. By ignoring it or not putting your foot down, you're letting them know that this behavior is acceptable.

    I speculate (which may be accurate or not) that this is how your mom did things, since your mom and sister seem to have similar patterns of how they treat your young daughter.

    However, with your wifes family, when they do things the the daughter you have with her, do they exclude your other children? If so its the same concept of what your mom & sister do. My brother & his wife have 2 children of their own and then they have a nephew of hers who lives with them because his mom passed away. Her family, will pick up her nephew to do things with him, spend the night, etc however, they never include my niece or take her anywhere. My niece by the way, is their family too. When I decide to do something for my niece like take her to lunch, spend the night, go to the movies, etc I also include brothers wife nephew, I buy them both things for christmas, birthdays, other holiday's etc and I make sure the gifts I give them are in the same price range, and they have the same number of them. The third child in this situation is an infant so he has limitations of things he can do yet.

    Ultimately, your family isn't going to change and neither is hers, you both need to accept the differences between the two families and not let it effect your relationship. Your wife shouldn't be issuing ultimatums because of your mom & sisters behavior, these are their fault and choices, not yours.

    Yes, I think you should stand up in your sisters wedding, ultimately at the end of the day she is still and will always be your sister.

    Your sister is wrong though, 4 years old is a perfect age for a flower girl.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • wyllow
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    It's pretty obvious from what wrote that your family has an issue with the interracial aspect of your relationship. A 4yo can be a flower girl, in fact it's the perfect age for a flower girl.

    I think if you value your marriage you should respect your wifes views and insist your family treat your wife and daughter with the same respect they give to everyone else in the family.

    As for your wife's family being dysfunctional, one dysfunction doesn't excuse another.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    I'd say due to two points you mentioned: - He doesnt work because he is too short? What kind of excuse is that? How tall do you have to be to work???? - He has been married 3 times in 4 years Sorry for saying this, but he sounds like a loser, and not because of his height.

    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.