Child friendship/bad company problem..pls advise..?

My 8 yr old daughter had this small circle of similar age friends (all staying nearby) and they used to play very well together. Few months back a 13 yr old girl has started playing with them, rather playing them - always one against the other. She does not have any friends her age, though there are plenty of them around. But apparently she had a fight with all of them.

Now this circle of 6 -8 yr olds seems to have got poisoned. She dominates them, decides who is in and who is put - changes every week and everytime they play, one kid is ridiculed by all others and sent home. This girl's father is also in a very influential job and position and somewhere that card is played all the time too.

I have stopped my child from playing with her. But she wd send some kid or the other o convey messages. The thing is these kids are too small to see thru the politics but as a mom her undue influence worries me. (The girl's mom is also like her - never smiles, never mingles with anyone and has that sense of entitlement - my husband is in an influential job and so we all deserve to be bossy/ get extra special treatment)..

What is your advice?


yes blissful, the other kid's mom also called me up and said the same is worrying her too and I have called her over for tea to see if we can find a positive way out (thou that mom will freak out if we ban this 13 yr old - so we have to figure out how to go about this)

Update 2:

I mean the 13 yr old's mom will freak out if the rest of us do this..

6 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    Definitely talk to one or two of the other moms (ones you think will feel similarly). And host play dates at your house that are invitation-only with one or two of the kids who are best influence on your daughter. Or take a few girls to the movies, etc.

    Sad that this kid can't make friends her own age. But you absolutely can't let her poison these little girls. You are right to be concerned. Who wants a mean teen as a second grader's social influence?

    Definitely intervene. You are being a good mom.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I find it very strange that a mother would find 6-8 year old girls suitable playmates for her 13 year old daughter.

    Is the older girl's father the employer of someone in your group? If not, who cares that he has "a very influential job and position"?

    The 13 year old is toxic, there is absolutely no reason why she should have any contact with any of the younger girls.

    So what if the other girl's mom "freaks out"? You are the adults, you can decide who your daughters play with and with whom they do not.

    Don't let this horrible family poison everybody else.

    If anything, tell the woman the truth. A 13 year old is much too old to be playing with 6-8 year olds. And if she doesn't like it - tough!

    Source(s): mom of 2 (my daughter is 9 and I would never let her play with a 14 year old).
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  • 1 decade ago

    Been there done that. Let your daughter handle 'most' of this...however you need to tell your daughter to let this 'teen' girl KNOW that she (your daughter) is NO SUCKER! Then follow through with it. I'm sure this is fun for your daughter however when she isn't the 'one' on the receiving end (meaning being sent home or made fun of) - but once she gets a dose of 'how it feels' maybe she'll get her friends together and let them know that 'real' friends don't treat friends like that. THEN...she will see (your child) and also learn a very valuable lesson just how 'real' her friends are. It's a life lesson I think because it's the beginning of "which road do I take" sort of thing. Just be there for her to guide her, but let her make her own decisions (even though you know it's the wrong one) - just offer guidance and advice for her is all you can do.

    Note: Our son who is now 11 finally got up the gumption to let some kids know that he was no sucker (and I mean literally the words out of his mouth) and they left him alone. Part of them are now his friends and the jerks are still being jerks, just not to my son.

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  • 1 decade ago

    There is clearly something wrong with the 13 year old if she does not seek out her peer age group for friendship and prefers to manipulate kids 5 years younger. I would also suggest talking to the other parents with children your daughter's age. You could try letting the 8 year olds have a play date at your house, by invitation only. Maybe the other parents could take turns doing the same.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Talk to the mothers of your daughter's other friends and see how they feel. They shouldn't want this thirteen year old girl bothering their kid either. Once you have everyone on your team get them to ban their kids from hanging out with the girl like you did.

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  • 1 decade ago

    keep doing what your doing and keep her away from your daughter. allow the younger girls to play at your house but dont invite the older mean girl. she couldnt control the girls her oun age so she moved on to the younger more easily influenced croud. she seems creepy.

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