Hannah
Lv 5
Hannah asked in PetsHorses · 1 decade ago

Funny horse jokes?????

Boredom is a wonderful thing isn't it? lol.

Just wanted to know if you had any funny horse jokes.

Heres some I know of:

How do you......

induce labor in a mare? Take a nap.

cure equine constipation? Load them in a clean trailer.

cure equine insomnia? Take them in a halter class.

get a horse to stay very calm and laid back? Enter them in a liberty class.

get a horse to wash their own feet? Clean the water trough and fill it with fresh water.

get a mare to come in heat? Take her to a show.

get a mare in foal the first cover? Let the wrong stallion get out of his stall.

make sure that a mare has that beautiful, perfectly marked foal you always wanted? Sell her before she foals.

get a show horse to set up perfect and really stretch? Get him out late at night or anytime no one is a round to see him.

induce a cold snap in the weather? Clip a horse.

make it rain? Mow a field of hay.

make a small fortune in the horse business? Start with a large one.

One morning the farmer went out at sunrise to feed the horses, he fed all of his horses but one. As he was walking to his mare's stall to feed her, he discovered she wasn't there. So he told his wife and they looked for her all day and finally at sunset the farmer opens the door to the barn and discovers his mare with her head in a half empty bag of sweet feed, and the farmer yells to his wife: "FOUND'ER!"

There was a preacher who was trying to sell his horse. A man stopped by to see how the horse rode. The preacher told the man that instead of saying, “walk", say, “praise the Lord,” and instead of saying, “whoa,” say, “amen.” So the man got on the horse and said, “praise the Lord,” and the horse started to walk. The man then said, “praise the Lord,” again and the horse started to trot. He said it a few more times, then the horse started galloping. Suddenly a cliff appeared. The man yelled "Whoa!". The horse didn't stop. He tried yelling al sorts of things, and he tried to pull the horse up, but it wouldn't stop. Then suddenly he remembered what to say. The man said, “amen.” The horse stopped right before they fell off. The man was so releived that he put his hand on his forehead and then said, ”Praise the Lord.”

MURPHY'S HORSE LAWS

There is no such thing as a sterile barn cat.

No one ever notices how you ride until you fall off.

The least useful horse in your barn will eat the most, require shoes every four weeks and need the vet at least once a month.

A horse's misbehavior will be in direct proportion to the number of people who are watching.

Your favorite tack always gets chewed on, and your new blanket gets torn.

Tack you hate will never wear out and blankets you hate cannot be destroyed.

Horses you hate cannot be sold and will outlive you.

Clipper blades will become dull when your horse is half clipped.

If you approach within 50 feet of your barn in clean clothes, you will get dirty.

The number of horses you own will increase to the number of stalls in your barn.

Your barn will fall down without baling twine.

Hoof picks always run a way from home.

If you fall off, you will land on the site of your most recent injury.

If you are winning, then quit, because there is only one way to go. Down!

There's more but I don't want to bore ya'll! Haha.

What jokes do you have?

4 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    He He - Thanks I had a good laugh... here's one for you!!

    Seller's Terms...what they say & what they mean...

    Big Trot: can't canter within a 2 mile straightaway

    Nicely Started: we can lounge him, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet

    Top Show Horse: won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusual low entries due to a hurricane

    Recently Vetted: someone else found something badly wrong with the horse

    Big Boned: good thing horse has mane & tail or he would be mistaken for a cow

    Well Mannered: hasn't stepped on, bitten, or kicked anyone for a week

    Professionally Trained: hasn't stepped, bitten, or kicked anyone for a month

    To Good Home Only: not really for sale unless you can 1) pay twice what he is worth, 2) are willing to sign a 10 page legal document

    Light Cribber: we can't afford to build any more barns & fences for the buzz saw

    No Time For Him: he's lucky to be fed

    Clips, hauls, and Loads: Clippity, clippity is the sound his hooves make when he hauls a$$ across the parking lot when you try to load him

    Great Halter Prospect: Bred for beauty, not for brains

    Lovely looking... forget about him being able to ride him

    Lots of Potential: Under the right circumstances, you might be able to ride him

    Great Bloodlines: He can't do anything, but that's okay because some horse 20 generations back did something

    Unregistered: probably stolen

    Lady's Horse: Perfectly sweet with women, but will kill men

    Started: we quit while we were still alive

    Event Prospect: Big, Fast Horse

    Dressage Prospect: Big, Slow Horse

    Hack Prospect: Pretty Colour

    Sporting/Novelty Prospect: Short, Fast Horse

    Camp Draft Prospect: Fast Horse which can turn

    Endurance Prospect: Fast Horse which will turn sometimes

    Flashy: White Socks

    Attractive: Bay

    15.2hh: 14.3hh

    16.2hh: 15.3hh

    To Loving Home Only: Expensive

    To Show Home Only: Very Expensive

    Needs Experienced Rider: Potentially Lethal

    Elegant: Thin

    In Good Condition: Foundered

    Free Moving: Bolts

    Quiet: Lame in Both Front Legs

    Dead Quiet: Lame in All Four Legs

    Bombproof: Old and Lame all Round, Deaf and Blind

    Loves Children: Kicks and Bites

    Pony Type: Small and Hairy

    Arab Type: Looks startled

    Thoroughbred Type: Hard to keep weight on

    Quarter Horse Type: Chunky/fat

    Warmblood Type: Big and Hairy

    Draught Type: Big and Exceedingly Hairy

    Easy to Catch: Very Old

    Must Sell: Wife has left home and taking kids

    All Offers Considered: I am in Traction for 6 months

    Good Jumper prospect: Jumps out the paddock regularly

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  • trusso
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Funny Horse Jokes

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    MURPHYS TOP 10 HORSE LAWS

    1. what goes up(your horse), must come down(you)

    2. your horse will always find some way to get you off of him

    3. your brand new saddle will always get torn up within the first week

    4. your first headstall will get bitten into tiny fractured pieces

    5. you and your horse must see eye to eye, or you will see eye to eye with the pretty new tan arena sand

    6. that green horse in the paddock no one wants to ride, and kicks everyone that comes within reach will be the next olympic horse

    7. all the color tests you did with your mare and stallion came out t make a match of 100% black color, so you breed them. then your foal comes out with a paint pattern, then you sell him, and he sheds his baby coat, and becomes the most beautiful grey appaloosa

    8. the new rain blanket you just bought your horse that was $90 will be torn, laying in the mud by tomorrow

    9. you are going to a show tomorrow morning at 6 am, so you groom, wash, dry, and braid your beautiful all white stallion. you wake up to find a horse of a different color(brown)

    10. you have a halter class to show in that you paid $120 to get in to. your horse founders, your show halter breaks, and your truck tire rolls flat. what does that tell you?

    so i heard this really gross joke about this horse, so if you want to read this at your own risk, its a really dirty joke about this poor horse, ohkay, here it is. . . the white horse rolled in the mud. ahahahahahha lol, get it, dirty, the horse is dirty ahahaha roflmfao lolz :P

    thats all i know, srry

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  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    This Site Might Help You.

    RE:

    Funny horse jokes?????

    Boredom is a wonderful thing isn't it? lol.

    Just wanted to know if you had any funny horse jokes.

    Heres some I know of:

    How do you......

    induce labor in a mare? Take a nap.

    cure equine constipation? Load them in a clean trailer.

    cure equine insomnia? Take them in a halter class....

    Source(s): funny horse jokes: https://biturl.im/ZLfkH
    • Commenter avatarLog in to reply to the answers
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