I don't answer many of these any more, but you are in a corner, hon. I hope this helps.
Marriage is a partnership, isn't it? And as such, you two agreed that you would be the stay at home mom, and he'd be the provider. Fair enough.
But you are getting little respect for your role. As the homemaker, you are getting trounced. No guy ought to think you are his personal meal maker at the drop of a hat, and left overs ought to be just perfectly fine.
Problem is, you have allowed this to occur. He has slowly and relentlessly painted you into this corner. (An that is pretty damn mean spirited.) And as well believes it is perfectly fine for you to accept that he goes out with his drinking buddies until 3am.)
As a little side note, kids have always been a girly thing, and men often aren't much involved. But Fathers are! And so far, from this posting, he's simply the sperm donor.
Marriage is for sure Admiration Respect, Passion and Trust. I'm guessing at this point there is very little of the first two. So your marriage is pinging along at 50%. Last I remember 50% was an F in school... gotta be an F in marriage too..
You could play tit for tat, and go get a job, and just be unavailable. If there is no food from the store? oh, well. If dinner isn't ready because you are late? oh well. And if you picked the kids up late from the sitters and you and they ate out together instead of coming home? oh, well. If you weren't there to fix it for the family? oh, well.
But this in the end, won't solve your problem. Your problem is a non-participating husband and father to your children.
No one said having kids was easy. He doesn't appear to understand this.
A respectful husband and father doesn't expect his wife to be his personal servant... he needs an attitude adjustment here, hon, and he won't get it unless the two of you get some couples' counseling. Your marriage appears to be an undeclared war, when it ought to be each helping the other in all your combined roles...wage earner, father, mother, homemaker, cook, shopper, chauffeur, etc., etc.
In a word, your husband is a resentful baby, and you need to find out why.... Is he a control freak? Is he angry? And if so, at what? Does he have a sweetie on the side? Or is he just a basic jerk? And why would he expect you to be so subservient? Is his arm broken to go make a sandwich?
You write well, so you have skills to work. And if you do so, then half of the household duties then become his...fair is fair.
And though all of them are now yours, he has pushed it into rudeness and inconsideration...if what you have said here is at all true.
Sweetie, you and he need some counseling on how to agree that it is a home to which you each contribute. And as well, remain each respectful of the other.
And if he won't go, get an hour yourself.
teacher/counselor 26 years.
· 1 decade ago