? asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 decade ago

Newborn at Wedding dilemma?

Im getting married in June and have a really good friend from college who's due to have a baby in mid to late may. So by June 13th, the baby will be anywhere from 2-4 weeks old.

My fiance and I decided that our wedding/reception will be adults only. For one, we dont have kids and would like to keep it to just adults. and also, its a late evening wedding and the reception is wine tasting/sit down dinner that will go on pretty late...not to mention pretty loud and roudy.

I suggested to my friend that perhaps she leave the baby with a sitter or family, but she is saying that she needs to be around to breastfeed him at that age. So now she is giving me an ultimatum...either she be allowed to bring the baby (which is unfair to everyone else, and also not what we want on our wedding day) or she won't attend.

Im not sure what to do. she's a really good friend, but it kinda puts me in a position where im the bad guy either way. Any mom's out there...can you be away from the baby at that age for an hour or so (im thinking maybe she can come to the 1/2 hr ceremony).

What to do??

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    Sorry...but I'm siding with your friend on this one.

    I have two children. I breastfed them both, and at that age, all they do is eat and sleep. I didn't start leaving my baby with anyone until they were at least 6 months old. Even then it couldn't be for more than an hour at a time, as I was still breastfeeding full time. Everywhere I went, babes were with me. It was either that, or not go. Just the way it is for a lot of mothers.

    To be honest, if she's a good friend you should let her attend with her baby. You probably won't even notice the baby there. Most newborns will sleep through everything and anything (I know mine did...the noise would actually lull them to sleep).

    I can completely understand where she is coming from. Her children come first and foremost.

    Also, it may not be worth the time to get out of the house for just 30 minutes. It's a LOT of work when the baby is that age. Your friend is going to be EXHAUSTED. Mothers get virtually no sleep at night with a newborn constantly waking up to eat. When my kiddos were that age, I was almost 24/7 in sweats and a tee-shirt...and unless we were going somewhere WITH the kids, I'd send my husband out to do any and all errands. I was just too darn tired. As most mothers are.

    You're going to have to be a little more understanding in this situation. It's a newborn, not a loud rioting two year old child. That's fine if you want absolutly no kids at the wedding...but you need to be more understanding of your friend. If she can't come, it's becase she's being a good mommy, and putting her child first.

    EDIT:

    To those of you saying that the friend should just 'get a pump, and leave expressed milk with a sitter'...well...this just DOES NOT work for a LOT of mothers.

    My two children BOTH refused to take the bottle. One time, my mother (who was babysitting our then 1 month old daughter), actually had to feed her with a dropper (like the kind that comes in medicine bottles), because she outright would NOT take the bottle.

    Sorry, but for many breastfeeding mothers out there, bottles are just not options. On top of that, if she is exclusively breastfeeding, giving a bottle to that young of a baby is NOT a good option. It causes nipple confusion, and can have severe consequences for a breastfeeding mother.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Chances are, that with a newborn, even if she had a sitter, she wouldn't want to stay late at the reception. I'm sure she's happy for you, but feels needed by her daughter more.

    Can you work with her to find someone to watch the newborn at the church (or venue) during the ceremony? Maybe even her mother (the baby's grandmother)... definitely someone she knows and trusts. I'm sure there is a separate room that she could watch her in, and that way there won't be a crying baby during your ceremony... but the mother won't be far from her daughter. As for the reception, I don't know how you could get out of this one. Your friend will probably leave after dinner anyway (new moms are usually pretty exhausted and I'm sure they'll want to get baby in bed). You might just have to suck it up and let the baby sit with her parents at dinner. People will understand... the baby is a newborn.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I TOTALLY feel your pain! I was in the exact same spot when I got married a few months ago except the person with the newborn wasn't a friend it was my sister. Just like you we had specified that we were having an "adults only" wedding & reception but even though it was never discussed with me my sister assumed I was okay with my niece being at the wedding who at the time was about 2 months old. My sister also brought up the whole breastfeeding deal so it's a pretty legitimate reason when you have a newborn. It just about caused a family feud days before my wedding but we ended up compromising and my niece came to the reception and not the ceremony since the one thing I was REALLY trying to avoid was a crying baby during our ceremony. And to be honest even though she was at our reception I don't remember ever seeing or hearing her. I was too busy with all the wedding festivities and talking to everyone and trying to enjoy the moment.

    It totally sucks to be in your situation and I can sympathize completely. If this girl REALLY wants to have her baby at a reception all night long then I think you should let her make that call. Even though it doesn't seem fair to everyone else I think you have to pick your battles and possibly losing a good friend over this doesn't seem worth it. I think you'll look back after the fact and realize that the baby being there didn't make a difference either way. Babies that young don't do much aside from sleep and eat and you'll be busy being the bride and enjoying your big day. Looking back at my wedding I wish I would have saved myself the trouble and just let it be from the beginning but it all turned out okay. Hopefully things will work out for you too.

    Source(s): Been there, Done that!
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  • Margot
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Infants who are 2 - 4 weeks old are a lot different from infants who are 9 months old. You know what infants who are 2 weeks old do? Eat, sleep and poop...and not much else.

    There was one time I attended a fashion show planning meeting and about 90 minutes into the meeting came a gurgling sound. It was the baby. I had NO CLUE that the baby was there. The baby never made any sounds!!!

    Your friend is not going to want to stay very late at your reception. It will be noisy and she will be exhausted. Your friend is not going to stray more than 5 feet from that baby and she will not have the baby on the dance floor.

    Brand spanking newborns sleep through a lot of things. Normally I would go along with the no kids thing and hire a sitter, but a 2 week old is a lot different than an older infant and no mother in her right mind is going to leave her 2 week old with anyone else. They pretty much only cry when they are hungry and then it is back to sleep.

    I think that your other guests who had to leave their precious darlings at home would certainly understand you making an exception for a 2 week old infant. They're different.

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  • If the baby is that young, the mom really has to be there for whatever he wants. He probably won't be on much of a schedule, and will need to feed pretty often. He probably could be left at home, but I don't see that it would be a problem for her to come to the ceremony part and just stand or sit in the back, that way she can leave quickly if he starts crying.

    My husband and I had 500 guests, and probably half were children. There were no problems, and you probably wouldn't even notice if a baby cried during the ceremony. I certainly didn't and I know there were quite a few babies there under a year old. It's up to you, and I do understand it will probably go late, but I personally wouldn't stay very late anyway if I had a child in the care of someone else.

    Good luck!

    Source(s): happily married for 19 months!
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  • 1 decade ago

    I am curious as to your "real" reason for not wanting her to bring the newborn? It does not matter if the reception is loud or rowdy, if that bothers the baby that is her problem to deal with. This is a 2-4 week old whom she clearly will not keep at the reception until all hours unless she is one lousy mother. A baby cannot be just taken off breast feeding. It has to be weaned off at an appropriate time. And I am not sticking up for her because I have kids....I don't have kids and don't particularly like them at weddings but this is a different situation. I am wondering if you have a bit of jealousy and don't want the baby stealing your spotlight? Sure she can be away from a baby at that age for an hour, but what she is telling you is that she wants to attend the wedding and reception not just be forced to show up to the wedding for an hour to appease you then be sent home.

    Your best bet would be to appreciate her friendship, tell her to come with the baby but be aware it may get loud and crazy....and that if the baby starts to cry please take it outside or to another part of the facility.

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  • 1 decade ago

    hey, I understand your situation. I had a baby three months ago and have been disinvited from a wedding because of that. I completely understand the bride's perspective and I'm not going to argue with anyone on their day! but even if I had been invited and I had to leave my baby at home, it would be hard.

    it's hard to leave a baby, especially if the baby is exclusively breast fed and they're young. their eating schedules are very unpredictable that young and REALLY, I haven't left my baby at home with anyone besides my finance for more than an hour since he was born. honestly, if you really don't want the baby there, then I wouldn't expect your friend to show either. tell her if she's got time that she's more than welcome to come at any point to the reception or the 1/2 hour ceremony. it depends on how close of a drive she is to you too. it would probably be easy to breast feed him and then come to the ceremony if she leaves him with someone she trusts. they could call and have her come home if he starts crying. I'd just leave it up to her whether she can leave him or not on that day and don't be disappointed if she can't make it. I'm sure she wants to, but her new baby will definitely be more important and it's so hard to leave them when they're that small. she might be ready for a few hours out though. good luck and congrats!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Seriously, I would want my best friend at my wedding no matter what. I think it would be perfectly fine to bring the little one to the reception. Newborns aren't going to run around all crazy like little children would. Newborns are fairly unnoticeable and sleep 70% of the time. Chances are she will come to the reception hoilding the baby in one of those Baby Bourjer things or wraps.

    Question: Is her bf/ baby's father attending the wedding?

    My best friend just had a baby and she carts her daughter everywhere. Last weekend my best friend, her bf, and I went to a bar for drinks, they brought the baby and everything was fine. She gave the baby a bottle while he ate, he burped the baby when she ate dinner and we all had drinks.

    Chances are your friend won't be drinking but the baby will not be in the way, he/she will barely be noticed at all. Plus newborns don't sleep through the whole night. Your friend would be up every 2 hours for feedings anyway. So staying out late will not be a big deal.

    I don 't think its "unfair" to others because this is your best friend. The rules can bend for her. Plus newborns are totally different then having 13 children running ranpid throughout the reception hall. I'm not a fan of kids but babys are ok.

    It kind of sounds like you might be jealous that the baby will bring the attention away from you on your big day. But you have no worries of that happening! Have fun at your wedding and congrats!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I would let her bring the baby if she really wants to come. As a new parent, she should be able to make the decision on when to take the child home.

    I'm not sure if you know this or not, but a breastfeeding mother can actually leak out milk if they do not feed their child. The breast will just overflow. So, that is a good enough reason for me for her to either bring the baby or choose to stay home.

    Also, I wouldn't leave my 2 week old baby with a sitter.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    A newborn baby who is exclusively breastfeeding needs to be with it's mother. Many babies don't take bottles, many mothers don't WANT to give their babies bottles. Those of you without children may not understand this.

    And yah...of COURSE this woman is going to put her child above others. She's the mother, it's her CHILD! There would something wrong with her as a parent if she DIDN'T do this.

    Chances are 9/10 that you won't even notice the baby at the ceremony or reception. Newborns eat, sleep and poop. That's it, that's all. The screaming doesn't usually start until the night time. NO ONE at the wedding is going to care if a newborn baby is there for a time with it's mother. If she's a good friend, you should be understanding to her situation. When you have children down the line, you'll understand what I mean.

    Contrary to belief, it's actually good for a baby to be around people. It strenthens their immune system. To the person who commented about the baby with thrush....breastfeeding babies do not get thrush from anyone but their mother. Thrush is a yeast infection in babies, that comes usually from breastfeeding. Even in the most serious cases it's NOT dangerous. It can be painful for a short time, but is usually very short-lived.

    ADD:

    Actually...Garnet Glitter...of all the midwives/doctors/pediatricians/nurses I've talked to, not a single one will tell you to keep your newborn trapped at home. Getting out into the world is good for their immune systems. I breastfed my kids till they were two years old, exclusively till age one. Breastfeeding in itself helps their immune systems.

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