Anonymous asked in Society & CultureOther - Society & Culture · 1 decade ago

indian parents...not native americans...but east indian parents...WHY R THEY SO STRICT?!?!?!?!?!?

i'm not realy a cheerleader...and my name isnt emily messer either...jus made that up...i'm an indian too...and the worst part- i'm a girl...both my parents r frm tamilnadu(south) and they r very very strict...its jus not my parents but my older brother is very strict 2...its realy frustrating...i'm posting tis question cause i see indians at my skool and they're parents r very flexible and non-controlling and i jus wanted to know if theres any1 out there like me...

heres wat my family does(SRY ITS A VERY LONG LIST):

-i'm not allowed 2 wear anything that shows my knees

-not allowed 2 wear make up 2 skool(not ever eyeliner or mascara)

-not allowed to IM,hav facebook or myspace etc.(had 1 behind their bac but i didnt know my bro had bugged my computer and he found out and told on me)

-cant babysit after 10pm

-cant b close 2 boys(but i hav best frnds that r guys and we hug...)

-cant hav crushes(but they cant stop me frm havin crushes)

-cant talk 2 my frnds abt boys or their relationships

-cant hang out w/my frnds

-wont get me texting

-NO privacy...(and i mean i TOTALLY dont hav ANY privacy)

-cant go 2 skool dances(i'm in high skool now and i'm cant go 2 skool dances or prom)

-wont let me play sports cause they uniforms r'nt "decent or convering" (oh yea...i'm not allowed 2 wear sleeveless shirts either)

-cant do beauty stuff(ex.wax eyebrows, professional manicure or pedicure etc.)...but i do these stuff myself...

-cant wear bikinis,monokins,or i've been in U.S. for 3 yrs and so i never went 2 the pool or the beach...

-cant talk 2 frnds on fone(tats the new rule...they think i'll get "exploited")...thats bull****

-no concerts or parties(not ever b'day parties) sleepovers...cant go 2 frnds' house...i cant invite them 2 my house either...

-wont let me tel them how i feel(they ask me wats goin on in my mind and wen i start tellin them, they start argueing and yelling at me and they always expect me 2 live by their way!!!...its like livin in a communist country...i cant express my thoughts)

-every decision i wanna make,i hav 2 ask my parents AND my brother...its realy frustrating knowin that every1 has control over ur life and decisions but u...

-they say family is ALWAYS 1st and friends r not important(which i completely disagree with...2 me,both friends and family are very important)

-cant listen 2 songs like donk(soulja boy),or hips dont lie(shakira)...they think they're "bad"

-NO DATING(not even indian boys)...hav 2 b arranged married...which i'm not gonna...i'd rather go my whole life not being married rather than marrying sum dumbass i dont even know

-cant go 2 college outta city...(ex. if i live in roanoke,VA,i cant go 2 college in Charlottesville,VA...and if i go outta state,my mom says she'll move w/me cause they place she works has a company in like every city)....cant stay in dorms

-not allowed 2 move out till i'm married

-cant drive 2 skool(i hav 2 wait till i go 2 college)

The worst part is that i dont even hav any1 2 talk 2 abt tis...its realy depressing cuz they werent like this wen i was in india...i was allowed 2 hav frnds over and stuff...wen i ask them why they wont let me do it anymore, they say "cuz wen u were in india,u were a,u r a fine young woman(i did hit puberty after movin 2 US)...i jus wish theyd giv me a chance 2 prove them i'm rite...they always tel me that i've changed but the truth is jus that i've stopped livin my life their way...


(sry abt the long list and shortening of words...)


i'm not allowed 2 join the armed forces...i dont hav any relatives nearby...and i'm not allowed to go 2 the movies w/my frnds either...

but thanks guys


Update 2:

i'm not getting married parents r gonna wait till i finish college but wen i do get married, my parents think its goin 2 b arranged by them(which means they choose who i marry etc.)

yea i know that IS BS.

10 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    OMG! theres someone out there who has the same problem as me! i m indian to and my parents are exactly like urs. I moved to the states in 5th grade and now i m almost 18! i cant wait to get out. how old r u? hopefully u dont have to long to live with for too long :( do ur parents ask u to tell them whats wrong and then they just start yelling at you? my parents call this "discussing". i dont know how old u r now but when i started high school i kept a diary. it might seem like its a kids thing but i used to write down everything in it and i thought it was very helpful to vent out ur feelings.

    Source(s): my own life
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  • 1 decade ago

    Welp.. That is how your culture is. I know it very strict. Your family is too much on the book. I had an Indian friend that I use to work with. She is soo strict that she say that if her daughter ever go out or married any other races, she'll disown her own daughter. To me I think that is too much.. You're not the the only one.. I pretty sure there Indian girls out there that are in your situation too. But hey, you're in America now. Once you hit the age of 18, you can do or go to any college or University you want. Best if you just do what your parent are told since you're under the age of 18. I don't know about in India. But here in the US, Your parents can't force you to married some random guys. I'm a guy and I'm not Indian but I'm Asian. My culture is very similar to yours. My culture are very strict towards the females. Just as yours. But as the years gone by it start to get less strict because because they realize that they're in the US now and a lot of us/their kids or the younger new generation don't go by the book anymore. And the parent can't do anything about it. But there some that are still strict. We also have arrange marriage too.. and I think that is that is some BS.. To me.. how can you make a marriage work if you two just barely know each other. haha shoot just might as well go have sex with a random person out in the street.. Thats what I think about that. The worst part is(I don't know if you guys are)but in my culture, if a women gets married and her husband is having an affair or is abusing her and if she divorce her husband. They will look at her as a bad wife, no good, a whore, and everything you can think of. Thats made her look bad. and it make me sad too see how they can get away with this.. Anyways. Your parent are still too much on the book. and I don't blame them. All they want is the best for you. But I still can't see the whole arrange marriage part. But like I say earlier.. You're in America now, once you're 18, you're an adult and you can do whatever you like. even if your parent call the Police on you because you're not listening or don't do what they wanted you to. All they'll do is look at your parents and laugh. But yea. If I was you. I'll do what your parents say until you hit the age of 18. Just try to avoid any arrange marriage that your parents had for you. Tell them that you still going to school and you're not ready for marriage. and once you're 18.. They can't force you to married some kind of stranger that you don't know. In matter of fact. They can't even force you to get married if you're under 18 anyway.. Thats by law, unless you agree to it. Remember.. you have a CHOICE to how you want to live your life, NOT your parents. Your parents are only guidance , They can only guide you soo far, unless you want to them to make all the decision for you. Welp I think I wrote enough here. I wish you the best, hope's everything goes rite for you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like a lot of stuff you can't do, but I am sure your parents do it to protect you. My mom was once stricter than most, she mellowed out when she saw I was a good kid. Do not give them a reason to get angry and they will hopefully give you some space. If it is any compensation, at 18 you can join the armed forces and move far far away from them! Great luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Wow. That is really sad. If you just moved from India though,I'm not sure if most parents are like that over there. I moved from Korea a while ago (when I was three) and my parents were never like this. I'm really sorry about your situation and hopefully you will be able to work something out with them.

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  • 3 years ago

    I have Tamil parents too, but i am born and raised in Holland. It's really f***** up to see others going out and doing everything they want and that you have to sit home and may not go out. I am a boy and even i can't even go outsider after 11 pm, even on weekends i have go be home at 11 pm. I would really love to change this.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think this is typical of eastern cultures, I have Pakistani friends who live by the exact same rules. Their parents don't want them to disrespect their own customs and traditions, or loss their eastern identity.

    I know it can be frustrating, but you have to respect your parents, and remember, sometimes too much freedom can be a bad thing.

    Try talk to them and explain how you want to have a bit more control over your own life. Start slow- such as maybe going to see a movie with friends, or wearing make-up some days.

    Source(s): Friends.....
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  • 1 decade ago

    Tell them to stop being so controlling, I have quite liberal and laid back parents, and this would irritate me so much.

    Tell them you need to be your own person.

    I have an Indian friend, and she says her parents are strict, but seriously, this is ridiculous, you're in the US now, tell them that your in a new country nw, were things like that are seen as ridiculous.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Not even sucks!

    damn...If i were you I'd run joke..

    Im allowed to do all those things

    Im not from India thoug..i live here in the US

    Im so sorry your parents wont let you do ANYTHING

    you should talk to a teacher in school or someone you trust other than your parents

    do you have a relative who lives near you? maybe you could move in with them..

    good luck "/

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    How old are you?

    When you become a legal adult, you can move away from your parents and be completely free! It's their choice how to raise you, though. Just wait, and you'll never have to listen to them again.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    you have to run away or else change them

    i know

    smoke pot and let them see you then when they say no say F you

    and smoke pot every day and then soon they will learn they cant control your actions

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