Ultimate boyfriend experience?

Hi ladies

During these times of economic uncertainties, I have decided to set up my own business, offering the ultimate boyfriend experience. I'd like to run this by you, if I may?

The evening would start with me picking you up, about 45 minutes later than agreed. I will bring you some flowers I've bought from a petrol station, or some half price chocolates. Once inside your house I will try to get into your underwear- I think this is what would be expected. After you have told me off, I will sulk all the way to the restaurant.

Once there, I will complain that I wanted to go to Nandos- or any cheap restaurant chain- and decide on the most expensive thing on the menu- you, of course, will be paying. I will flirt outrageously with the waitress and get annoyed that you don't find this attractive. We will order a bottle of wine which I will drink the majority of. I will obviously burp throughout the meal. When you order a sweet, I will make a comment about your weight.

We will then take a taxi to a pub/nightclub- on the way I will accuse you of flirting with the taxi driver and cause a scene. I will do the same with the bouncer/barman/ any male that looks at you in the pub/club. I will drink copious amounts of beer and vodka redbulls, refuse to dance and keep putting my hands on your bum. You will get annoyed with this, and I will shout at you and show you up in front of all your friends.

After the club we will go to a kebab shop, where I will try to pick a fight with all the men in there, as you are obviously flirting with them all. I will choose the kebab that smells and looks the most disgusting, and pour the whole bottle of chilli sauce over it so I can look really hard. We will then take a taxi back to your place, where I will raid your fridge for more alcohol, eat the chocolates that I bought you, and watch sport on the tv. I will beg you for sex, and settle for a hand job. I will then call you a frigid cow.

Staying the night will cost more. I think £250.00 for the whole night will be about right.

I expect demand to be high for this service, so please book early to avoid disappointment.

9 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    LMAO. Sounds like a blast, sign me up ;)

  • 1 decade ago

    That should work like gangbusters! Or, even better, have ex-boyfriends pay you to do this for their ex-girlfriends; they'll be so fed up and disgusted that they'll come running back to their old beaus. Which, for you, means cha-CHING!

    Wait, Dane Cook already made that funny.

    Source(s): http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1046163/ (My Best Friend's Girl)
  • Someone sent that to me in a FWD email a few years ago.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    dont forget the receding hairline and beerbelly and faint smell of BO and tacky aftershave ;)

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    Wow, extensively thought out! AHAHAHA!

  • 1 decade ago


    Its funny cause its true (of men in general!)

  • 1 decade ago

    *Sigh* How romantic

  • <3
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago


  • lmfao....that is all i can say

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.