22 and my parents control me, wont let me study abroad?

So im 22 years old and i live in an unfairly strict household. I am the oldest child and I get treated like a second class citizen. I am the most successful in my family so far, ive gotten my bachelors degree, now im getting my masters and im applying for a certificate in something else. I work for the federal... show more So im 22 years old and i live in an unfairly strict household. I am the oldest child and I get treated like a second class citizen. I am the most successful in my family so far, ive gotten my bachelors degree, now im getting my masters and im applying for a certificate in something else. I work for the federal government and i get good grades. I do a lot of humanitarian work in my spare time and work with youth groups and student organizations. I definitely think that I am the 'good' child because ive always listened to my parents. Ive always excelled, and never rebelled. My brother who's 2 years younger does drugs, drinks underage, goes clubbing, sleeps around and sees women as objects. He's also very abusive and ive been beaten up by him pretty badly when ive tried to protect my younger siblings from him. My father is abusive too and doesnt care. My mother just wants peace in the house so she tells us to keep quiet. So basically, my brother gets to do whatever he wants, but i want to study abroad for the first time in my life by my self-and btw, it's actually for my thesis project to examine the widening gap and economic conditions between the rich and the poor in another country-and i dont think i could respect myself if i didnt do this. i want to continue to work for the govt, and i need overseas experience. Im willing to pay for this by myself, but i know that if i go against my parent's wishes, i could be endangering my own well being by getting hurt or getting kicked out of my house and my family's life. they think i would be shaming and dishonering them, but i believe id be giving them more honor by continuing my studies, staying focused, and writing a paper that might make a difference. my mother has offered to go with me (i honestly doubt she would. my dad controls her, she doesnt have money, and i know she said that so i would end the subject and hopefully forget about it), but frankly at this point in my life, i dont want my mother chaperoning where i go and who i speak to. I might be open to taking someone with me because although i know the country, it'll get lonely and it might be unsafe being with myself, but im not taking parents...i dont know what to do. I want to be able to look back on my life when im 60 or 70 and know that at the very least I lived my life and no one lived it for me. If God gave me free will, who the hell is anyone else to take that away? I just want to live up to the expectations and goals that i've set for myself...i want to be proud of myself and make a difference...

I dont have the finances to move out on my own, but even if i start saving from now i could be putting myself in danger (and my mom has a heart condition. with any additional stress she could have another heart attack)..what should i do??
7 answers 7