What is wrong with me?
Please can someone tell me what they think is wrong, or if this is totally normal.
I dont know where to start. Anyway all my life i have felt the need to impress my teachers, ever since nursery. I am nearly 15 years old now. I have a HUGE crush on my teacher, i have always had crushes on only teachers, but this one is obsessive and i come hoem crying almost every day because i love her so much and know nothing can or will ever happen. I have a happy life, both mother and father roles, can talk to my mum and best mates etc so i dont need a parenting role or anything like that.
I am really interested in serial killers, psychology and mental illness and have been studying these since i was 11. People think im sadistic for these interests (but am not evil and would never harm anyone). Everyone thinks im disturbing and wierd and lots of people think i am a "psycho". I think its cos of my body language and interests.
Last year i managed to convince myself i have bipolar, tehn it was borderline, then it was schizotypal because i seemed to have all those symptoms. When i told my mum all this, she made iot clear to me that i was being stupid and i began to confide in her and all that stuff and eveything was forgotten about and i was happy apart from obsessing over my crush.
Last year, i concerned the teachers by writing song lyrics in my books about the hatred of my absent dad and all this other stuff. I was always paranoid and over concerned about what my teachers thought about me but now i am convinced that they all think that im a wierd messed up freak and am always really nervous around them.
Anyway, i look and act a lot different tro others and have short spiky purple hair and my teachers had a go at me for it. Everything was sorted oput eventually after my teacher said my hair looked a bloody mess. I was allowed to wear it but now i think all my teachers hate me and gossip about me behind my back and think im a freak. Im still in love with the teacher and always self harm about her everytiem i see her cos it hurts loving her when she is either scared of me cos of the way i am around her or is secretly laughing at me.
I told my mum this and she said im being paranoid about it and i need to let go of this whole rediculous crushing and being paranoid over teachers.
I seem to revolve my life completely around my reputation to teachers at school. Im always daydreaming about impressing teachers (and i mean always) which is probably one of the reasons i get so nervous around them.
All that ive said by the way is the only things i am. All this takes over me completely
Sorry for the long story. i just want to know if i need help or something
btw Claire3b, my mum doesnt need parenting classes. She is always there for me and is a good parent
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
The good thing is you are not alone. There are a lot of people have this so called "Problem", but always remember this is not a problem because it is part of our character. People may think that you are weird or paranoid just because you are different from them.
I somehow share the same problem. A was a loner before and people seem to think that I'm weird, but I don't really care; I'd rather be a loner that to talk to other people gossiping and some nonsense stuff. We don't need to be part of the " society". We are all unique in someway, people just don't accept "NEW" attitudes and new characters. Anyway you can find your solution; Every problem has it's solution and you know that you can overcome it.
- 1 decade ago
Jesus Christ I know how you feel, man.
Some people are just different. Like us, we're just plain different. We're not "psycho" or "demented" (5 times in one week, I swear! I got called demented 5 times in 1 week!)
I'm so interested in schizophrenia and other severe mental illnesses, that I actually WANT to be a skitzo. I too at one point convinced myself that I was bat-**** insane and needed to be put in an asylum.
And don't mind those people who tell you **** like that. "Oh, somethings wrong with you!" No, nothings wrong with us, we're just different and are capable of thinking differently from the rest of the world. It's a gift.
Have confidence. You're different, and you're bloody proud! Yea...been through the purple hair thing...it usually doesn't go over too well with people.
You don't need help, unless you really have considered killing people. Not like a spur of the moment, "I'm so angry I could kill you!" thing. I'm talking about you've actually planned out how you would kill this person and thought about all the things that could come with it. Then, you might need to see someone, but other than that, you're doing fine.
Yup, certain people have certain interests...homicide, death, suicide, it's all normal as long as you don't attempt these things. I find myself looking up the Zodiac killer on Wikipedia subconsciously...it's not really something I can help. Some people do it to be "edgy", I do it because it really truly interests me.
Don't worry about it, and stay yourself.
- 1 decade ago
right where do i start?....
first of all i think your mom needs parenting classes or something because she keeps saying to you "stop being paranoid", i mean you obviously have a few mental health issues going on here,
i think you should get your self to the doctors and asked to be referred to a counsellor the doctor will probably ask why so tell them that you feel like you need to talk to somebody because things are getting on top of you and if you have to tell them a little about what is going on in your head.
and lastly don't be afraid to admit to having mental health problems,its nothing to be ashamed about.
good luck for the future xx
- 1 decade ago
Your not weird at all, just going through some stuff,
I feel the need to be liked by teachers, but its a crave for acceptance (my guess)
Please take care of yourself = [ Write down your feelings, punch a bag, cry, but please dont hurt yourself over un requited love
I know how it feels, to be in love with someone older who you act weird around
I felt so unworthy and insegnificant
Try to avert your attention elsewhere, its hard when you have to see her most days, but do try
Other love intrests, friends, hobby
Good luck xxxx
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- 1 decade ago
you need someone to talk to. Maybe a school councillor or if you can, try your GP . There is no easy answer to this but do not feel you are alone it is just finding the rite person to talk to and will listen to all that you are saying, as I'm sure there is a lot more you could say plus what is hiding between the lines. PLEASE, PLEASE do try to get help. Do not be afraid to ask. There must be someone, as Much as your mum loves you she may not be the person you need to talk to.
- 1 decade ago
I don't think you are abnormal. I know a lot of kids who are obsessed about their teachers...and even serial killers and psychopaths. Wanting to impress your teachers, again, is not weird at all. In fact, most kids who want to impress their teachers, do extremely well in class.
You are still young. You'll grow out of this obsession in a few years.
- 1 decade ago
hey - u know u sound like a normal teenager with normal stresses - all of us daydream about someone close - feel we are getting paranoid that no one understands us at that age - believe me its normal
take a couple of steps back in ur life and a few breaths - ur actually like loads of other kids your age
and on the serial killer interests - i have loads of books on that sort of thing, witches and supernatural things - all from when i was that age - ur suppose to be interested in odd stuff ur 15
look after urself