Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

Why do some men have cold-attitudes toward to their women after a while? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!?



Lost of interest?

My boyfriend wasn't like himself when I first met him. Before, he was so sweet and always responsive to me whenever I talk to him (such as MSN). We even used to talk on the phone as well for hours end, but we stopped. He only calls whenever his Internet would be down. The small things was nice. But he's cheap and self-interested when it comes to investment. Before I used to spoil him, now I will not do so.

After a while, he stopped leaving messages on my MSN about how much he misses me or how much he "<3"s me or something sweet in the morning, so when I wake up, I'll feel a smile on my face for the morning. And whenever I talk to him on MSN, it's like I'm talking to an unresponsive user who is constantly distracted and only replies whenever I have a question, but if I ask too many questions at the same time, he'll only answer one and the only time he would send me a message willingly on his end is to say "Good Night <3".

He's always saying how much he wants to "talk" to me. Right. I find that extremely UNBELIEVABLE. And whenever I do talk to him, he doesn't find much interest. I become depressed because of what Dale Carnegie said that everyone is only best interested in themselves even lovers, and that human beings are selfish naturally and instinctively and we don't even notice it.

So, in summary:

- Doesn't buy me gifts or anything, took me out to dinner once, that's it.

- Stopped leaving cute messages

- Stopped calling me; only to call when his Internet is down (rarely)

- MSN conversations are like dried up balls

- He doesn't seem to be interested in what I have to say

- Seems distracted

But, the thing is that, in REAL life, he is extremely affectionate and caring. Is it possibly that men's brains are mono-activity-wise? That they can only do one thing at a time, and they can't very well at all multi-task? And when they talk, they lack body language and they get precisely to the point of what they want to say?

What should I do to make him sweeter again? Should I make him miss me by not talking or seeing him for a week? Should I give him the cold-shoulder? He CLEARLY knows that I spoil him and that he understands that he spends all of his money on himself. He's extremely forgetful though. He forget that I had a foot injury and I wasn't able to catch up to him and I would be left behind often.

I sometimes feel very bitter. I read from, in the people's advice section that men don't get these messages from women and they honestly don't understand how relationship works.

I don't want to dump him, I want to make this relationship work out!


Should I just communicate to him like any other guy do? Just talk to him straight out and feel little emotions about it? Almost like a android! =D ...


"Um-mm how old are you guys?"

18 and 18

"do you feel that you are high maintenance?"

Not exactly, but I'm a girl and I want to feel a bit special. He doesn't give me anything though.

Update 2:


"Um-mm how old are you guys?"

18 and 18

"do you feel that you are high maintenance?"

Not exactly, but I'm a girl and I want to feel a bit special. He doesn't give me anything though.

Yeah, but I always think of myself secondly... It's still parishly selfish to say that I want what's best of me, but he already has the best of himself because of me.

The "expert" advice I was referring to is to this link.

READ "Jacequesne"'s first comment. He's so intelligent in his saying!

Update 3:

To DingleBored:

Then just answer the question, you don't have to read my long *** information which could be crucial to the answer i'll be looking for and possibly... irrelevant! Anyway, go ahead and try to skim through at least some parts...

12 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best answer

    do your own things, don't put so much effort in trying to talk to him on MSN. i've heard so many people say that always talking on the internet destroyed their relationships.

    try to stay calm, don't look to much into it. he may be the gratest guy, but maybe he's not very romantic or doesn't feel like doing those thing over the internet like he used to

    put your energy in yourself and in your real life interactions with your boyfriend

    good luck!

    Source(s): my own experience
  • Sheryl
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Well Sweety, That depends on whether or not you are a born again christian and how you wish to answer to God for your actions. And you WILL make an account for your actions and every idle word spoken. So be very careful in your decissions. Befor I answered this I read the other responses. I am a pastors wife and I have seen an unreal amount of divorces that ended short lived marraiges after there was a period of living together pre-maritally. I council people all the time and If you were sitting in my office, biblicly speaking God says NO! So, since I don't know you all I can say is consider prayerfully your actions. Many Blessings and good decissions, Tina

  • 1 decade ago

    Um-mm how old are you guys? I am guessing that you are not living with each other ... eHarmony ... you must be looking for more than just BF GF relationship by now. You trust other people's opinion and you want everything to go smoothly and perfectly like fairy tales.

    Think about it .... love is not all beds of roses... Don't try to change him back to the Sweeter Guy He Used to Be..... You love him for who he is, right? Just ask him why the change ... if he cares and loves you, he wouldn't get angry ... he should be understanding and would listen to you and what you need..It may take lots of time to get him to get to this point.

    On the other hand ... do you feel that you are high maintenance? Or has anyone said this of you that you know of? Coz if so, he might just need a break from giving you constant attention... he loves you but he feels tired of having to keep up with your needs... that could be possibly why the change... and thus you feeling bitter from time to time.

    You say that you don't want to dump him, and that you want to make this relationship work out...... well, it goes both ways.

    Could it also be that you are the one talking incessantly and he doesn't get to say much because you do all the talking? And he gave up because there is no point in talking when no one is listening... How about trying to listen to him more?

    You are depressed because of what Dale Carnegie said? About people being only interested in their selves? Maybe not only your boyfriend is interested in himself but you also are only interested in yourself and what you want so you are trying to get your boyfriend to do what you want? Figure this part out and be honest to yourself. Coz there is a truth about everyone being selfish.

    Well, It seems as if you worry too much about what "experts" know and say about relationships... remember these so called experts don't live all these relationships they don't know exactly what you are going through -- they talk in generics-- what most of the population is going through. They talk about relationships for the money and would say anything to anyone who would give them the time of day.

    This is something you and your boyfriend have to work out and only the two of you could work it out. Talk to him and listen to him. Don't threaten him about dumping him.

  • 1 decade ago

    Dear I have read all that u said... Yes thats the best trick... plz stop talking to him and ignore him completely for a week or two ... make him miss you... thats will really help ... In the meantime divert your mind somewhere else by spending time with frds.. tk care

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I'd say the eHarmony rubbish is completely wrong. It's not that men don't understand how relationships work, it's that some women don't understand that some relationships are short term, once the fun is had they dry up.

  • 1 decade ago

    you are the cause... you start saying you love us till we feel obligated to say it back... you want us just the way we are... only like that other guy in that romantic movie... you're happy with our talents til your gf tells you how she gets multis every night... you want to make us happy til we neglect to something you never mae clear we should do... you get butt hurt over nothing all the time... and you can never get the simple fact that all you have to do is see to our needs without expecting anything in return and do it without complaining...that and he's probably bored... get it fresh with some other unlucky guy and wear him out with your constant nagging about "i don't feel like you feel like i BLAH BLAH BLAH..." aarrargghhgf

    Source(s): i am the master
  • Anonymous
    3 years ago

    Need more details

  • Anonymous
    3 years ago

    Wow, Thankss! I was wondering the same thing today

  • 1 decade ago

    men always have changing behaviour without their knowledge. just try to understand his circumstances, for what reason he changed his attitued. i think you only started loving him, so it is your responsibility. all the best and be happy for ever........................

  • 1 decade ago

    You should communicate him

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