Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 1 decade ago

Am I the control freak? ?

Hi - 52 years old male. Nice girlfriend, very nice. At the weekend she went to a leaving party for a friend at work. A colleague she planned to go with let her down. As she was nervous I offered to escort her. She said no. I asked if the people knew about me. She said no. I was surprised and a bit hurt but mostly confused. 2 years into a relationship would make me feel that I should be visible. This is an ongoing angst. Not a jealousy issue but it spooks me that a partner can be selective about who knows I exist. Makes me feel that she may be a little ashamed of me in front of her colleagues (and I'm no caveman) or that she does not understand that I need an identity within her life? I'm beginning to think that I may be some kind of control nut. But my mind keeps saying that my expectations are not abnormal. Advice gratefully received.

9 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    No, you are not a control freak and your worries are valid.

    If you cannot think of a obvious reason why she is doing this then I would confront her because it's not exactly what you'd call normal behaviour. Is she a lot younger than you?

    Women don't usually introduce their b/f/husband to their work colleagues, unless it's something like Christmas party where the spouse is included, but the majority of women are more than happy to talk about their other half (I never stop talking about mine! lol)

    Of course you need identity in her life, talk to her and if she says (or you think) that she is ashamed of you then perhaps you should consider finding someone more suitable.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sounds like some things need to change on your part and her part.

    You sound somewhat insecure in this relationship. Actually, she may be the one in control here. I'd say back off and BE YOU for a change.

    You're right you'd thing you would be an important part of her life at all times.

    Work on your own self and get more self esteem and find yourself some friends. You can't change someone else but YOU can change YOU ! If you are being too controlling then work on NOT doing that.

    Jealously will not change another person ! The relationship will get worse if you are being too jealous, or too demanding. I suggest you get this book I recommend to everyone I meet that is personalized just for you and it has your name throughout the book with positive affirmations about you. It is a great confidence booster and you may need to learn more about yourself and grow in your own maturity. Which is not a bad thing, don't we all need that? You can only do it for YOU, and not for her. Let her see YOU are changing ! That would interesting, huh? Not being mean but becoming a better you than ever.

    Change your thinking and you can change the world around you. Bring peace into your own life. Learn who and what you are becoming. You may just like the new you ! And she may also.....Fill out the first page online and you can see this actuall book before you buy. It is worth the investment, believe me I know. We continue to always be growing in our lives...But we have to pursue growth for ourselves. Start working on you and see what happens. You might be surprised ! Hopefully so!

  • mulry
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

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  • Marina
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I can understand her not wanting you at the leaving party if it's all coworkers. I can even understand their not knowing about you if she is a very private person. But you aren't a control freak. It's natural to feel marginalized unless there's an explanation.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I would say that you are correct, your expectations regarding being known of or about are quite acceptable.. this is commonly known as the Pecking Order.. it where you are in the scale of the person you love,list of order of priority of importance .. they do vary from person to person , but if it makes you uncomfortable , then it is not right .. you do need an identity in every aspect of her life .. just reverse it ? do you exsclude her from any parts of your life .. ? you are no control freak . your instincts are right for you .. Good luck ..

    Source(s): My Own knowledge
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If you don,t know each others friends after two years the relationship is going nowhere.She obviously is not as serious about you as you are about her.

    Except this or move on.

  • leelee
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    i agree with you my partner lives a up north and i have been with him for 3 years, and even though we take it in turns to travel and see each other, whenever i go to visit him and his friends show up, he pulls me to the side and says they arent aware that he came to stay with me, bearing in mind he used to live with me. I know how you feel. I feel surplus at times and pushed out of that side of his life whereas im always talking about my friends and family about him

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    being blunt mate she obviously does not want certain people to know about you. so why is this, is she embarassed or has she been telling lies about her life to these people. either way mate this is very unhealthy. i am not going to tell you what to do, you are old enough, you just have to open your eyes.

  • 1 decade ago

    maybe shes embarassed by you...i suggest talking this out thoroughly with her

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