Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

i wrote this poem. tell me what you think?

i asked like two other questions and someone had really helped me and it really helped here is the poem. tell me what you think. i need some criticism. and tell me where i can fix things at.

love is the way i felt when we first met,

the way i got butterflies in my stomach

love is the way i felt when you walked towards me,

the way my heart pounded so fast

love is the way i just walked up to you and spoke,

the way i felt so nervous

love is the way i wished you had your arm around me,

the way you had your arm around her

love is the way you told me you liked me,

the way i liked you

love is the way i felt when i looked into your eyes,

the way it sent a tingling sensation down my spine

love is the way i felt when you tickled me,

the way you wouldn't let me frown

love is the way i felt when you called me babe,

the way i had known i was your one and only

love is the way i felt when you told me you loved me,

the way i feel for you

love is the way you understand me,

the way i understand you

love is the way you put your arms around me,

the way i feel so secure

love is the way you did all this,

the way i knew i loved you too

Update:

what is an ice pick??

Update 2:

also for those rude ice pick vomit comments. im sure if you love someone close to you. maybe not love like i wrote about but about a loved one maybe a friend or a family member. you have feelings too you know.

Update 3:

hey thanks poppinfresh. now i know what an ice pick is!! you rock

Update 4:

good way to make me feel. im not bloated im only 92 pounds. my mom is bloaded but thats cuz she has chroan disease and i wasnt tryin to rip anyone off. on one of my other yahoo answer questions someone suggested the first to parts which helped me write the rest of my poem. all i wanted to do was to write a poem so that i could express my feelings and get them out. not to make ppl call me names.

Update 5:

here are the lyrics to my heart will go on. i dont think they even go together!

(Love Theme From "Titanic")

Every night in my dreams

I see you. I feel you.

That is how I know you go on.

Far across the distance

And spaces between us

You have come to show you go on.

Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time

And last for a lifetime

And never go till we're one

Love was when I loved you

One true time I hold to

In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are

I believe that the heart does go on

Once more you open the door

And you're here in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

There is some love that will not

go away

You're here, there's nothing I fear,

And I know that my heart will go on

We'll stay forever this way

You are safe in my heart

And my heart will go on and on

10 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    i think its really sweet!!!!!!

    but it is just a little repititve, keep writing peotry yr so good!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Way to repetitive and if you didn't notice it kinda copies the song by Celine Dion, My Heart Will Go On. If this was your first try at poetry don't give up just keep writing and it'll get better over time.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I think you expressed what you feel and sense...how about dropping the "love is" in each stanza and just saying "it's"... The "love is" repetition is a little distracting from everything else you are saying...which is more what you should highlight as THOSE are your feelings.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Not bad - here's a few suggestions ...

    love is the way i walked up to you and spoke,

    the way i felt - so nervous

    love is the way i longed to have your arm around me,

    the way you had your arm around her

    love is the way i felt when you called me babe,

    the way i knew I was your one and only

    love is the way you put your arms around me,

    the way it makes me feel so secure

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  • 1 decade ago

    i feel like jabbing an ice pick in my eye!

    ps-yes i have feelings but i dont' express them by ripping off someone else's material in a cheesy, uninspiring way you bloated bag of treachery and deceit!!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Ill Love It,

    & Its On My Favorite Subject,, Love :)

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    you say "love" so often that it makes me want to vomit!

    its so bloody repetitive and loses its meaning.

    "thats deep...it has a really good flow." - Ben S

    omg! Ben you are a jackass!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Thats so great it almost makes me cry!

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  • 1 decade ago

    its really cute and relatable

    but not really a poem

    please comment on my poem too! nearby...

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  • 1 decade ago

    thats deep...it has a really good flow.

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