In love with one man and falling for another?

I have been with one man who I love and who loves me very much. However he has no ambishion to better his self or our life. He has no desire to get his Ged, or a better job. He is always thinking of himself and doesnt do anything without putting himself first to include in the bedroom. He is not there for me emotionally either. I love him still but am not in love with him. We are not married but do have a child together. So anyways about 6 months ago I met another man and we quickly became close. He is everything that the other isnt, He is there for me in anyway I need him to be, He is always putting me before himself and has the ambition to better his life. He has told me that he would like a relationship with me. and I feel the same but dont know what to do. If you were in the same circumstances what would you do? Would you just deal with being unhappy, would you have your cake and eat it to, or would you keep number 2 a secret untill you found what you wanted? What would you do?


First off I have not cheated on him, And the relationship with number two has not gone anywhere other than just being friends. So there is no dragging along being done. And excuss me for being human and being confused, I only wish my life was as black and white as yours booboo, also I am not asking for a lecture only what you would do in my shoes. And having the feeling that you could wake up 20 yrs from now and still not be happy. AND LEAVE MY KID OUT OF THIS

Update 2:

yes wee, man number two is aware I have a child as I am aware of his children. And thank you for such a honest and uncritical answer

4 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    Sometimes love just isn't enough. It is very possible for two people to sincerely love each other thoroughly and completely, and still make each other miserable. Needless to say that is very rarely intentional when two people do truly love each other, but if they are not compatible for one another (and in your case probably want more out of life than the other), then that causes problems that sometimes can be fixable, but only if both parties want to really work at it.

    That is how it sounds in your case. The hardest part of being in a relationship like that is that is hard to let go because you do love that person. You have a desire deep down to make it work. Even you are not married (which is becoming more of the norm nowadays) the commitment you made to each other is a bond that is hard to break.

    One suggestion I would have is to separate from the one you are with right now for awhile.....but not have sex with anyone else. That doesn't necessarily mean not to form relationships with anyone...just hold off on having sex. This would give all parties time to understand and accept the situation.

    You apparently have quite a history with the first man and the other makes up for what the first one lacks. If you have invested time in a relationship, and have really given it your all to make it work but nothing changes, then it is time to move on. I know that sounds easier said than done.....especially if there is a kid involved, but it would be the best thing for all parties involved in the long run.

  • 1 decade ago

    your partner has been out of shape from the start, if you've together for too long already yet there is no changes in him and desire to have a bright future and a self-centered creature, then leave him. You have done your part and stayed for too long already to show your love and devotion and yet he just keep taking you for granted. In your case, it is time to let go. The common mistake in a relationship is staying because you have children and hoping your partner will change. It is true that children need an environment with a complete and a happy family. But the thing is, ur not a happy family anymore. Can your currrent partner provide and give the future you wish your children to have?..But anyways, this new man that comes into you life, can he accept the fact that you have a child of other man?..Can he still love you the same after knowing? Will he provide for your child's needs if ever you will end up together?...and mostly, are you really in love with this guy or you just found the the missing qualities of your partner?..maybe the qualities he have are the qualities your current patner miss to show and you got fascinated that you found a man with the qualities you have in mind?..think things over..or yet it is better that you will leave your man and have a space and a time for yourself first. Then after soulsearching, and thinking things over..then that will be the time you will decide if you really want to give this new man a chance...dont rush things. Think a hundred times.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    there is all kinds of love..but if you really are in love with your b/f then you won't want to hurt don't do anything out of haste and don't expect him to understand your finding someone else..too bad you did not think about this before you had a they are going to have problems because of your sound confused and struggling for vindication..only you know in your heart what you should do..I would give it a hard good men are hard to find and you are looking at number 2 guy with rose tinted glasses..

  • 1 decade ago

    your not married,but you shouldn't be playing head games with people.You need to act grown up and make a decision and not play the field-would you like to be strung along like you are doing to your signifigant other.

    It sounds as if you need to leave your main man and move on,but don't expect to go crawling back when things aren't greener on the other side of the fence.

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