gmirp
Lv 4
gmirp asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

"Raise" a new poem.....Does it inspire you?

"Raise"

by G-lo

Raise your eyes, hands and heart

raise your voice, spread the word do your part

Raise your consciousness be aware.

People are dying everywhere

Ignorance is no longer bliss

its selfishness and carelessness

Raise the standard, raise the bar

Shout to the masses near and far

We lose it all if we don't snap out of this daze

The clock is ticking..Its time to rally, time to Raise.

Update:

Jonah-i can appreciate your feedback

my cause may be different than your cause....i purposefully left that open to each his own intertretation..The point is ...Its time to stop focusing on ourselves raise our level of consciouseness and do something

thanks for your comment

7 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    Yes it does.

    It is a good poem.

    Quite positive.

    Nice work:)

  • cade L
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Same poem as the other one lol...

    Wow, nice poem and yes it did inspire me.

    I enjoyed your meter/rhythm. I think this helped with the flow/consistency of the poem which enabled the easier comprehending and acknowledgement of the themes/issues revolving around improvement and continuously challenging and motivating ourselves to perform better to obtain better results. The meter and structure was a major attribute and key component within the poem and also perhaps one of the more prevailing poetic techniques you've used in the poem.

    Perhaps to make the structure a bit more unique you could have used an enjambment amongst the various clauses yet this could have perhaps taken away from the issue of achieving better because of the inconsistency of the structure, which is a direct contradiction to the themes/issues depicted within the poem, depending upon perception, but this would only have been a minor adjustment.

    I enjoy your use of 5 rhyming couplets once again adding to the flow of the poem and i think your choice of this particular rhythm and meter (aabbccdd) was excellent particularly because it complied so greatly to this optimistic topic of achieving to our optimum level.

    I can't emphasise enough as to how great your choice/manipulation of this rhythm contributed to the overall excellence of the poem.

    Moving on though lol, The imagery in the poem was quite abysmal yet i believe for a topic such as yours, you weren't intentionally trying to generate or evoke a particular picture in the mind but rather appeal to the senses and heart in trying to awaken a desire within us to achieve continuously. In this particular case, there is nothing wrong but imagery doesn't necessarily have to be simple descriptions and images generated due to these descriptions but can be more subtle and intricate. Imagery is quite flexible with there being different types of imagery.

    I also enjoyed the last stanza and the 3rd stanza. The last stanza was great because it helped top of the surging passion and desire within the reader to go out and achieve to our best potential, by saying that we must act now before it is too late. This is somewhat dramatic and suspenseful but nevertheless it worked still. The 3rd stanza was great too as you contradict a particular saying and this acts as strong emphasis on your point of achieving.

    Perhaps you could have used more poetic techniques such as juxtaposition by comparing 2 different situations, one of lethargy to one of dedication and work.

    I loved your use of defamiliarisation. I thought it was great how you take a topic such as achieving to our best and manipulate and contort it in a way so new and unique through rhythm portraying it to us in this song-like manner.

    All in all, awesome work!! This was a great poem!! add me, i can't wait to assess some more of your work!! =)

  • 1 decade ago

    I help support the SPCA when I can so I help with spreading the word against the cruelty to animals. I help DARE too. I do my part when I can. I understand this poem.

  • 1 decade ago

    What you want to say is inspiring...but the imagery feels lacking to me. When it comes to poetry, it's not enough to have a powerful message but to also have powerful rhetoric.

    "For as we drown the sound of distant guns

    with cries of hope and songs of joy

    We finally feel that we are found."

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  • sher
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Very good work, hopefully this message goes far

  • 1 decade ago

    nice poem!and yes its inspire me.=)

  • 1 decade ago

    Very, very good work.

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