"Raise" a new poem.....Does it inspire you?
Raise your eyes, hands and heart
raise your voice, spread the word do your part
Raise your consciousness be aware.
People are dying everywhere
Ignorance is no longer bliss
its selfishness and carelessness
Raise the standard, raise the bar
Shout to the masses near and far
We lose it all if we don't snap out of this daze
The clock is ticking..Its time to rally, time to Raise.
Thank you all for your comments
Thank you also for taking the time to answer..in such a well thoughtout manor. I realize my style can be "simplistic". Perhaps it would have been beneficial to refer to various issues plaguing "OUR" world today. ie; The War in Iraq, Darfur, Abuse in all its forms, Aides, World hunger, Child agraphy, the evironment and countless others. My point being..there are too many to list..I didn't want to exclude an issue that might have been important to someone. My goal was is to inspire, hopefully, each of us to not just laze about ignoring what is going on in the world around us.
- cade LLv 41 decade agoFavourite answer
Wow, nice poem and yes it did inspire me.
I enjoyed your meter/rhythm. I think this helped with the flow/consistency of the poem which enabled the easier comprehending and acknowledgement of the themes/issues revolving around improvement and continuously challenging and motivating ourselves to perform better to obtain better results. The meter and structure was a major attribute and key component within the poem and also perhaps one of the more prevailing poetic techniques you've used in the poem.
Perhaps to make the structure a bit more unique you could have used an enjambment amongst the various clauses yet this could have perhaps taken away from the issue of achieving better because of the inconsistency of the structure, which is a direct contradiction to the themes/issues depicted within the poem, depending upon perception, but this would only have been a minor adjustment.
I enjoy your use of 5 rhyming couplets once again adding to the flow of the poem and i think your choice of this particular rhythm and meter (aabbccdd) was excellent particularly because it complied so greatly to this optimistic topic of achieving to our optimum level.
I can't emphasise enough as to how great your choice/manipulation of this rhythm contributed to the overall excellence of the poem.
Moving on though lol, The imagery in the poem was quite abysmal yet i believe for a topic such as yours, you weren't intentionally trying to generate or evoke a particular picture in the mind but rather appeal to the senses and heart in trying to awaken a desire within us to achieve continuously. In this particular case, there is nothing wrong but imagery doesn't necessarily have to be simple descriptions and images generated due to these descriptions but can be more subtle and intricate. Imagery is quite flexible with there being different types of imagery.
I also enjoyed the last stanza and the 3rd stanza. The last stanza was great because it helped top of the surging passion and desire within the reader to go out and achieve to our best potential, by saying that we must act now before it is too late. This is somewhat dramatic and suspenseful but nevertheless it worked still. The 3rd stanza was great too as you contradict a particular saying and this acts as strong emphasis on your point of achieving.
Perhaps you could have used more poetic techniques such as juxtaposition by comparing 2 different situations, one of lethargy to one of dedication and work.
I loved your use of defamiliarisation. I thought it was great how you take a topic such as achieving to our best and manipulate and contort it in a way so new and unique through rhythm portraying it to us in this song-like manner.
All in all, awesome work!! This was a great poem!! add me, i can't wait to assess some more of your work!! =)
- tylorLv 44 years ago
i've got heard till now that God wasn't extremely male, the NT writers mentioned that b/c that grew to become into their understand-how and the OT writers used that adjective b/c they theory the be conscious 'it' wasn't important adequate. I nevertheless have subject concerns with the way the OT perspectives and/or describes issues b/c it extremely is from a masculine attitude. nevertheless, whilst the absurdities are taken away or the element is considered as all metaphorical, i ought to be sure how human beings ought to appreciate it the incorrect way in spite of if the final public of it extremely is sensible. I nevertheless have subject concerns with the entire individual element, too, plus i've got not got self assurance a loving deity (of any gender) might create evil. no longer undesirable, like getting your knee scraped yet I mean evil, like Hitler. interior the e book of job, some human beings (like me) see it as a tale that reflects God as very uncaring and keen to 'reason' with devil, yet others think of it extremely is a ordinary adequate tale approximately somebody's faith. So, in spite of if a individual has 'good' intentions, misinterpretation is often present.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
oh, it's a fine enough message...........
I just can't stand poetry, that's all.
More of a writer myself......short stories..........
poerty just ain't my thing, but I can still dig the message. !
- saveitokLv 61 decade ago
thats is inspirational
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- 1 decade ago
it's nice, good for you
- bijjeeLv 61 decade ago
excellant---keep it up