How hard is it for you to start dating again after a divorce?
I have been going thru a lot of emotional and mental abuse for the last 7 months. In the beginning i was completely devistated and thought i was heading for deep depression. Then after a while i just got sick of it... that and i found out about her and a couple of other guys. That put the nail in the coffin right then and there. Anyway, now i would like to get out and dating again, but feel somewhat scared. First, i dont feel as if im good enough right now for anyone. Secondly, i have to start the whole process over after 7 years with the same girl, that is a bit unsettling. I also never really had any gf beside my wife, so i am clueless on how to have a successful date. Furthermore, i feel as if im ready to go out dating again, but i dont know how i would actually feel if i did set up a date. There are a lot of other mixed feelings as well. Scared of getting hurt again, caring again, trusting again. So im wondering others feelings and conerns as well, how you deal with these things
I dont want to sit around, have life pass me by, and miss out on something good, but i just am uncertain
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
I know what your going through and its hard. First of all, you need to start thinking positive, take a deep breath and start being social. I'm not talking about clubs or anything like that because you can meet someone anywhere. I'm referring to the coffee shops, book stores, etc..... Always look your best and walk with a smile. Believe me, you will find someone when your not even looking!!! Good luck!!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
First of all, you are thinking too far into it. I have been through this believe me, I know how you feel. My first date after my husband of 3 years, together a total of 7, I could not eat, I spent most of my date in the bathroom with diarrhea, and I felt nauseous and I even felt like I was cheating even though I was single. When I would go home after a date, I felt so bad about myself, as if I had been unfaithful. Then I realized that I was pressuring myself to find someone fast cause I didn't know how to be alone. I quit looking for someone, I began to work on myself and heal myself. I started making friends and going out just to be going out, no hidden agenda. I slowly learned how to talk to the opposite sex, not to date them, just to get practice as well as make a friend. After a few months, after I had dealt with my past relationship and felt true closure, I began to date again and it was awesome. You will not be able to give a new relationship a go until you are truly happy with you, have had closure with the other relationship and know that you aren't looking just because you don't like being alone. I wish you the best of luck, it will take some time but I promise you, you will find someone and all of your feeling of getting hurt and trusting will be laid to rest because you will have new hope and outlook on relationships.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
It all depends, it sounds like your divorce was pretty recent. And since you don't feel that comfortable yet, I would suggest taking some time to concentrate in yourself.
I was separated for a year before I got divorced. Right after I separated, I started exercising and lost about 60lbs. Then I felt so good and looked better than ever!, I finally dedicated so much needed time to myself, not only exercising but doing all the things I loved, whenever I felt like it (Reading, shopping, traveling, partying etc.). So I started to have "FUN" with new guys after that. They just fell out of the blue, and I had so many options!
If you dedicate time to yourself until you feel comfortable, things will just happen. You don't actually have to make a conscious decision to date. Hang out with your friends and family, enroll in a gym, take a course in something you enjoy or had ever wanted to learn but never had time, I guarantee you doing these things will not only make you feel better about yourself, but at the same time offer opportunities to get out there and meet people with your same interest... but ..do give yourself some time, or you will end up making wrong choices.. GOOD LUCK .Source(s): LIFE, (was married for 13 years, dated for 2, long term relationship 2yrs and counting)
- drjaycatLv 51 decade ago
Just take your time and start living again when YOU feel ready. Too many people rush into a new relationship because they're scared of being alone again. You also will have a lot of anger to deal with before you can trust someone again, so get yourself sorted out first.
Took me just under 2 years before I started dating again, after 25 years of marriage...made a LOT of mistakes, things have certainly changed out there!
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- feetal2003Lv 41 decade ago
JEEZ! i know first hand how out of touch a guy can be tryna get back into the game after a long time away from it. but u sound like a Wuss dude. u need to address your insecurities before u get into a relationship. Google David DeAngelo and his double your dating site for some insight cause u need alot of help. that site is really informative for clueless guys like u.
- 1 decade ago
get your self some hobby's . get to the gym ,
make yourself feel good about you !!!!
once you feel good about you , then you can move on