gmirp
Lv 4
gmirp asked in Society & CultureLanguages · 1 decade ago

a new poem "Le Chanson De Mon Coeur" what do you think?

"Le Chanson De Mon Coeur"

by Gloria E. Pardo

La chanson de mon coeur

- The song of my heart

Et pour mon cheri

- Is for my beloved

mon epoux

- my spouse

Je ne sais pas pourquoi

- I don't know why

Il est difficile

- it is so difficult

De chanter avec mon voix

- To sing with my voice

Que je sens dans mon coeur

- What is in my heart

Mais mon cher reste votre tête sur mon coeur

- But my dear rest your head on my

- heart

Et il chantera pour vous et pour vous seul

- And it will sing for you and for you alone.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    If you don't mind, I will correct some of your French. Most of it is fine, but some doesn't make any sense.

    La chanson de mon coeur

    Est pour mon cheri

    mon epoux

    Je ne sais pas pourquoi

    Il est difficile

    De chanter avec la voix

    Que je ressens dans mon coeur

    Mais mon cheri, repose ta tête sur mon coeur

    Et il chantera pour toi et pour toi seul

    Source(s): I'm a French teacher and French is my first language. Very nice heartfelt poem.
  • 1 decade ago

    Here are a few changes I put forward to you, so that the French text matches the English one:

    La chanson de mon coeur

    - The song of my heart

    Est pour mon chéri

    - Is for my beloved

    mon époux

    - my spouse

    Je ne sais pourquoi

    - I don't know why

    Il est difficile

    - it is so difficult

    De chanter tout haut (or "avec ma voix")

    - To sing with my voice

    Ce que je sens dans mon coeur

    - What is in my heart

    Mais mon cher, laissez votre tête couchée sur mon coeur

    - But my dear rest your head on my

    - heart

    Et il chantera pour vous et pour vous seul

    - And it will sing for you and for you alone.

    (I stumble on "mon cher", it would be more playful than "my dear", more teasing, but I can't find something closer to "my dear")

  • Orwell
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Very nice; i wouldn't even try to write poetry in English!

    Maybe you can change a few things to make it even nicer:

    la chanson

    ma voix

    Ce que je sens dans mon coeur

    Mais mon cher posez votre tête sur mon coeur

    Source(s): French native
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Damn it, i knew i should have paid attention in those damn French classes, so as far as i'm concerned the french sux, but the English translation is very good, as is usual for your poetry, i may be uneducated and perhaps even biased but i know what i like, Cheers ♥ ;{) ♥ xoxoxoxox

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Lovely.

  • poe
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Well shucks....I don't speak a work of French, and I'm from the south, so most people say we can't speak English either, but I do like your poem g-lo. It is just beautiful. So as far as I'm concerned, I would leave it "as is"! Thanks for sharing.

    Source(s): Published poet
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