gmirp
Lv 4
gmirp asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

"I Won't Admit"~a poem...Does anyone understand ?

"I Won't Admit"

2/07/08

while u sleep

i cant take my eyes of you

you don't even realize

i carefully brush your hair away from your eyes

you will never know,

each day i wait for you to come home

yet publicly i'll push you away

and say "leave me alone."

why do i act contrary?

is it the thought of opening up that's scary?

i used to love to hold your hand

when side by side we would stand

Now I force myself to stay away,

yet I long for your touch each day

been hurt soo much, soo much betrayal

this wall ive built , is so high

and hard to scale

i would love to go back before

my heart closed up so tight its door

what will i do..so i no longer feel this way

be patient with me

i have it take this day by day

I won't admit I Love You

I won't admit I really care

I won't admit I need you

as though you are my air.

Update:

Gina D.

yes it is abit rough still...ive been reworking it for a while...I appreciate honest feedback.

as cliche as some of my word choices may be...They do come straight from my heart and where I am..and what I am going through.

thanks for your comments

Update 2:

deepseteyes,

the thing is i was seperated from my husband for 9 mos..we have been back home for 9mos..He tells me everyday, he loves me.that i am beautiful and I know he is sincere....but although i care i just can't tell him...i know i love him but i do not know why i am having such a innerconflict ...i thought wrting about it was atleast a start..although, i don't know if i want him to read it.thanks also for your comment

Update 3:

thanks all for your insights...trust is an issue for me still...there was no cheating going on just alot of mind games. It has left me rather leary to let down my gaurd. As for the poem i will take your comments into consideration and rework it some more..I liked the idea of 3rd person..so i can be more objective and so i can better explore my turmoil. It's nice to know that many of you do understand, your words have helped me....

Thank you

Update 4:

coolkkshah..of course i remember when we chatted...i agree "wont" is stubborn..i feel as though that's how i had felt when i wrote this orginally on 2/07/08..but recently i was thinking maybe " I Can't " is more like i am feeling now. I want to be happy but i'm finding it difficult to open up enough so that i can RUN WILD..emotionally and poetically. thanks for your comment.

18 Answers

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  • Dondi
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    I understand that your love has been stepped on and injured, and you are now protecting it to the exclusion of your own happiness. You must face your fears head-on and tell, no, show your true feelings if you want this union to prevail. The wall you have built must be torn down comletely in order for love to survive.. Yes, I know by tearing down the wall, you will leave yourself vulnerable to hurt, but it is the only way. You must trust him, or the wall can never be torn down. First trust, then bring down the wall, then bare your soul, but if trust is not there, it will not work. This advise comes from personal experience.

  • 1 decade ago

    Try to view the words objectively as if you are talking about a third person. Write it like "Why does she act contrary" and then come back to it using "I" You might then think of words that will work better for you as well as sort out your feelings and face up to reasons why you feel the way you do. You might be able to view objectively as if it is another person experiencing these hurts and betrayals. This may reveal to you the reasons and remove confusion so you can use words much more effectively

  • 1 decade ago

    I must say I'm really impressed by you.

    From the start (from when i know you) , i had an idea that you had gone through something by reading your work and talking to you.(IF you remember....?)

    Well this is another good piece by you, I think 'I CAN'T...' would sound better than "I WON'T..." it sounds a bit stubborn. I know you are not stubborn but you are sweet and somewhat into your own self. YOU have a caring touch.

    Dont go on what i say , its your poem , mend it as you want , or leave it as it is , let yourself run wild....!!

    Source(s): What's 2/07/08?
  • 1 decade ago

    You need to look into the heart of yourself. The reason you can't reach out is because you have been so hurt yourself. Until you heal yourself you cannot have a healthy relationship. Also, you must look at him. There is probably a reason that you are being on guard with your feelings. Could it be that you really do recognize that he is exactly what has hurt you before and that is why you have closed the door?

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  • poe
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I think your poem is lovely. There are only a few grammatical errors that can be fixed by reading the poem aloud and listening as you read. As for the cliche and other bits, I wouldn't worry about that, This is something that you wrote to your husband from the heart. It has emotion, feeling, and heart. Thanks for sharing.

    Source(s): Published poet.
  • Qyn
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    To the poem it is delight and especially slick. The girl in the poem is betrayed, and this makes life terrible, because she feels that guy is the person she loves but, cannot say it to him, because she has become a hard hearted alice.

  • 1 decade ago

    I understand

    a poem doesn't have to tell you the person involved or whats happening! i write poems that seem to make no sense at all but people still understand!

    no one could understand unless they have had these feelings before or had something close to those feelings.

    really, sometimes people don't have to understand each others poetry, you just have to understand your own...only then will you be able to understand others! am i right or wrong?

    before asking others if they understand you then ask them if they understand themselves! am i just babbling here? i guess so....

    ~Hara Kantana

    Edit: whats wrong with being stubborn? i wont admit that i still like this guy...but i just did....but still! whats wrong with being stubborn?

    Source(s): fellow poet (but in training)
  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds like you're trying too hard to make it rhyme. Just relax and let the words flow through you; it will enhance your words and make the rhythm and poem as a whole, much better.

  • 1 decade ago

    I can relate to the feelings, and it always a good thing that people can relate emotionally to words.

    The poems seems a bit too...cliche as far as rhyming and word choice.

    It sounds like a good rough draft.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    That has the premise of the beautiful poem i know it will be when you have finished it to your satisfaction. Not knowing what happened betwixt you and your hubby or why, you may say you love him and undoubtably do, but you can't seem to forgive him or yourself, whom ever you hold responsible for your separation. anyway thats only my opinion made not knowing any facts, and i know Jack ****, but i loved your poem. big hugs ((('g'))) xoxoxox

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