gmirp
Lv 4
gmirp asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

"Naked" a new poem...What do you think?

by gep

Stripped bare for all to see

Exposed my insecurity

My careful layers

crumpled at my feet

Backed in a corner

with no retreat

They come in droves

to watch and stare

to taunt me with

judgmental glares

With smudged face

and teared cheek

I struggle to find the strength to speak

"Look at me... my shame is true,

next time we'll come to gawk at you."

10 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    hm....interesting.....i agree with dondi! i liked your poem! i like most of your poems! lol

    ^(0,0)^ "put you hands up and step away from the keyboard!"

    lol they're gonna arrest me for putting "lol" too much! lol xD ha ha ! i cant stop saying lol~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Source(s): me and my messed up mind!
  • 1 decade ago

    I am liking what I am reading. The person exposed who still has the will to stand tall. While it is free verse, some editing on the last lines would tighten the flow. You also have some phrases that border on cliches like: "backed in a corner" and "they come in droves." Maybe some better words to paint the picture. This is worth keeping!

  • Dondi
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    We do tend to stare and gawk when a person bares all. Whether it is baring the skin or the soul, someone will gawk.

    edit: We have many negativity experts today, I would challenge them to post something better or just shut up with the negative vibes.

  • Alobar
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Juvenile, and not in a good way. And the final couplet sounds about as contrived and true as a Hallmark knock-off greeting card.

    Sorry to go all Simon on you, but that's what I read. It's just bad, tired, cliche poetry.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I love it..

    its like weird but awesome at the same time!!

    I would love to hear more of ur poetry...ur a true poet...and so am i...well thats what people say

  • 1 decade ago

    The expression you've written is kind of sweat,

    enjoyable to read a lovely treat,

    thanks for sharing your inner most feelings, it has so much meaning.

    A lovely rhyme to be proud of too,

    keep up the great job,

    And I loved it too..

    ;0)

  • 1 decade ago

    A very cute and sweet poem.i'll like to read more from u.

    will ya be my friend?

  • casper
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Good One!!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I like it!! Very cool.

  • 1 decade ago

    awesome! very well written:) I like it too!

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