my daughter was wedded and she expects us to pay for a wedding?

My daughter told me she was married. I wonder why we should have a wedding. My daughter told me I don't have to attend, or contribute. She's already married, what's the point?

Update:

I didn't get to attend the REAL wedding, why should I pay for the ceremony?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favourite answer

    I'm not sure I understand your question. Your daughter is already married but she wants to have another wedding ceremony? Was her first one small and she now wants to have a big one? What ever the reason, If that's what her and her husband wants, If that will make her happy, And she is paying for it, Why not? Lots of people have another wedding ceremony to renew their vows. usually its on an anniversary or after many years of marriage, But its a good thing when a married couple want to voice their Love to each other in front of friends and family. If you have told her your opinion (and you have the right to it) she might have been hurt you don't see her point. If she has the wedding, Go along with it. Don't only attend but ask her if there's anything you can do to help. Not only would it be fun but it will make your relationship with your daughter stronger.

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  • 1 decade ago

    If she wanted a wedding she should have let you in from the begining. She is now a "married wife" and should be reponsible for her own actions. Eloping with no family was obviously enough at the time she decided to tie the knott.She cut the ties already by getting married and should expect it to include the "purse" strings also. Then she doesnt care if you attend or contribute? What kind of B+LL SH*T is that. She obviously didnt think of anyone but herself and now regrets the lack of pictures, so hey, Mom should pay for that one too... I dont think so! She made her choice,now live with it. You only get to do it once!! That is the hardest part of parenting , to know when to let go, This time she told you. However if this is because you are bitter about not being invited, you should talk with her yet remain firm on where you stand financially. Neither of you should hold the money as" a reason to be mad" or "to get back at someone" If you are hurt, which you have every right to be, you should talk it out before it grows, Hope it all works out well

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  • April
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Well, your daughter gave you the option of not attending or contributing, so I don't see the problem.

    However, just remember this; she may have run off to get married and maybe now she regrets it or wants to celebrate with everyone there. It may have hurt your feelings that she didn't invite you to the real ceremony, but forgive and forget on this one. This is your daughter...the point is she wants you there. No, it may not be the real ceremony, but it is still a celebration of two people sharing their love...that is what weddings are all about.

    If you feel hurt about what your daughter did, then talk with her. Get it all out in the open, then just move on. You want your daughter to be happy, and obviously this is what is going to make her happy.

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  • 1 decade ago

    My fiancee and I are asking our parents to contribute financially what they can for our wedding, which should happen next year and which they will all attend. Since your daughter went and got married and did not tell you about it or invite you or anything, I would tell her "sorry, but you're on your own with this one." Sometimes, lessons come the hard way. To those who are confused, what this person means is that the daughter is saying that they don't have to attend or contribute in more or less a sarcastic way, but really would like them to pay for a wedding.

    Source(s): b2b Sept 2009!
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  • 1 decade ago

    Your question is kinda confusing. First off, if she already got married, there isn't a point in having a wedding, nor is there a reason for you to attend or contribute. And it doesn't make sense if she's telling you don't have to pay for it.

    So why are saying she expects you to pay for it?

    To answer what I *think* is your question - no you don't have to pay for any bills she presents you with regarding her wedding (past, present, or future). To quote Dear Abby, parents paying for a child's wedding is a gift, not a requirement.

    Sounds kinda like you and your daughter need to sit down and talk about why you weren't invited in the first place. If they eloped, that was their perogative. If they chose to not invite you specifically, you need to find out why. Otherwise, this has family fued written all over it.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Tradition is that the brides parents pay for the reception.. but that isn't an automatic given! My parents said they'd help out where they could (they bought my dress) but my fiancee and I are paying for almost the whole wedding ourselves (we're 25 and 27). She should not automatically expect you to pay for a whole wedding. My understanding is that she went off and got married and you didn't even get to know about it to attend the ceremony but she wants you to pay for the reception. I find that pretty offensive, but that's me. You give what you feel is appropriate.

    Source(s): b2b may 16 2008
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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!!! You sound very bitter about not being in attendance when your daughter was actually wed. That doesn't seem quite right on her part, but you need to let it go or it will eat you alive and ruin your relationship. Traditionally the girls family would pay for her wedding. However, most couples pay for their own weddings now days or both sets of parents help them out. Tell her the amount that you can contribute or that you can only contribute your time and help. Then put behind you the fact that she wrote her name on a piece of paper and pretend that the upcoming wedding is her wedding. This is her day and if she wants to have a ceremony she should get one with her mother love and support. Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I never understood why someone would elope and then have a big wedding later. Tell her you would be happy to chip in for a reception for family and friends, but not for an entire wedding when they are already married. My step-daughter got married at the courthouse last Summer but they plan on having a reception this coming Summer.

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  • 1 decade ago

    If these kids expect the bride's parents to pay like the tradition was 30 years ago, the groom better be asking the parent's for permission to marry their daughter. Seriously, my husband and I paid for our own wedding, our parents contributed what they wanted, when they could, but without us asking or expecting. We are in our mid and upper 20's. My younger sister is paying for her own wedding too. Tell your daughter that with the right to vote, and the right to equality in the workplace, also comes the right to take care of herself financially.

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  • 1 decade ago

    If you don't want to pay for her to have a "wedding" then don't. That's simple.

    That's sad though that she said you don't have to attend, and that you didn't get to attend the "real" wedding. I'm assuming they eloped. I hope the KIDS who are considering elopement read this, and realize that their decision to elope isn't just affecting them, but affects their entire family. I understand wanting a small wedding and not making a huge fuss, but not allowing your parents to be a part of that day in your life is a HUGE mistake many people make. The only reason you should exclude your parents on your wedding day is if they've been abusive towards you.

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