i think in the end the reason my marriage won out is the kids. i wasnt happy. my wife wouldnt even try, wouldnt get counseling, nothing. i had given up. honestly, if it werent for the kids, i would be with my mistress now. what i ultimately couldnt walk away from with my sons. i couldnt face just being a part time dad. every dad i know that ends up there ends up not having a close relationship with thier kids. no matter how hard they try, they end up being the interuption the kids endure every other weekend, two weeks in the summer and every other holiday. you just can make a close relationship if you arent in the home every day. ultimately, that was why i decided that no matter how bad things were at home, i would make the sacrifice to be there. fortunately things worked out far better than that. the affair woke my wife up, and got her into therapy with me. it got her making an effort for sex, and it lead to us being closer than ever. i think it is easy for women and men to take what they have for granted. women hang on this faithfu thing, thinking a man should endure without his needs and wants, or men do the same. in the end, if one or the other fails to meet thier mate's needs, things arent going to work.