my ex-boyfriend hates me. How can I be his friend?
I have been on and off with my boyfriend for a year. We just broke up a week, ago I think for good this time. He told me that he thinks that he still loves his ex girlfriend. I use to ask him all the time if he did, and he would always say no. Now all of the sudden I noticed that he was not paying me much attention. I asked him several times whats going on, and he send that he still wants to be with me but he wants to take things slow. I then asked him if he was still in love with her and he said yes. I yelled at him, told him don't ever call me again, called him an a**hole. Then I texted message him "I hope you die" However I texted him back and said " I don't want you to die but please never call me again, act like we don't know eachother and I will never speak to you again, hope you, and her are happy. It's been about a week, and I miss him, and want to at least be his friend, but I am afriad to call. What should I do, so at least we are not enemies. He has not contacted
- Top Alpha WolfLv 61 decade agoFavourite answer
First, I understand how you must have felt to learn he might still love his ex. It sucks, but it's reality. At least you weren't married when you found this out. That would REALLY suck.
Second, sorry, but it sounds like you really went a bit overboard with the wishing he'd die thing and it also sounds like you kind of badgered him a lot before he admitted to it. Hey, I understand all of that. I really do, but for him, he's afraid to go against your orders and contact you again. If you want to be friends with him, you'll have to go to him and apologize for going ballistic and all that. I think you probably scared him. And yeah, I know all of it wasn't really your fault. It's a blow to the heart to learn that the one you care about might still have feelings for an ex. Still, you scared him and the only way he's going to consider being your friend is if you apologize for the nuclear bomb explosion of words you threw at him at the time. DON"T apologize for being upset though. He really did deserve that. He should have come clean sooner, but didn't, yet you KNEW something was wrong. He deserves to know he did wrong too, so don't take all the blame on yourself. Just apologize for wishing he was dead thing and that's it.
However, do you really want to be friends with someone who doesn't even know themselves well enough to know what their feelings are or for whom they have feelings for? Do you want to be friends with a guy who is kind of deceptive in that he wasn't honest with you right away, but had to have information pried out of him? I'm not sure he's worth being friends with, but that's your choice. I just think that being involved in his life at all is going to cause you more pain. It feels like a part of you still has hopes that one day he'll want you back again. You said, "I think for good this time"....meaning, the decision to make it permanent isn't coming from you. You say that based on what you think HE will do or want. Keeping contact while you try to adjust is just going to prolong your pain. I know. I've been there and it sucked out 3 years of my life for a one year relationship. Almost destroyed me and I wouldn't wish that kind of aguish on anyone else. Before you try to make friends with this guy, get your own mind and heart together first. Be sure that you're not going to get sucked into a hole created by someone who plays mind games or who likes to twist your heart back and forth. Be strong enough to resist it if he suddenly decides he wants you back before you seek a friendship with an ex. It'd be best if one or both of you are in a solid relationship with someone else first, so the temptation to reconnect is weakened.
Just my advice, but I really think that leaving the relationship choices up to him is going to be very detrimental to you. Take control of yourself first and you make the decisions. Don't leave it up to him. THEN, decide if you want to be friends or not.
Just my opinion, but good luck whatever you decide to do.
- SunshineLv 61 decade ago
It's a hard thing to learn as a young person that when something is over, IT'S OVER. Don't try and make it drag on. Old boyfriends SELDOM can be friends with you. Think about his current girlfriend's feelings if he was still in contact with you. YOU didn't like it when he spoke of his previous g/f. so give a sister some respect and back out----COMPLETELY. Good luck!
- 1 decade ago
Honey, don't call him back. He is obviously NOT worth your time and attention. If he loves someone else, that should be enough for you to just run the other way. You shouldn't have to share him. You deserve 100% of a man's attention and love. Keeping in contact with him will only hurt you in the long run. Trust me. I have been there and done that with my ex. We haven't spoken in almost 3 years and all for the better. Good Luck, though!!
- buddyboyLv 55 years ago
Wow! I wouldn't want anything to do with you either. You nagging him about his other girl he's obviously still in love with and stuff really pushed him away and I ******* hate when people nagging others and shoving affection down their throats! No wonder he's losing interest in you. You got mad and started yelling at him calling him an a##sshole and tthat you hoped he dies! ?! Seriously, I would never forgive you for that if I were him. Who the **** you think you are? You sound like a petty, pathetic, needy, immature little girl who doesn't get her way. Stalk much? Just leave him alone because he really doesn't deserve what you put him through. You disgust me!!! >:(
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- Lyn BLv 61 decade ago
Cut your losses girl and move on. He has. Your pestering him about his attention was a sign of your insecurity. I would have dropped you at that time. Don't like insecure people. You pressured him to answer you and he tried to be kind to you until you finally pinned him in a corner.
He has moved on ....you do the same. And next time remember this lesson. Don't question a guy about previous loves. He should not question you about yours. What is past is PAST. A friendship develop from today.
And everyone one you meet will be the sum of all the people they have met and loved. So if you get a great guy remember all those other women are what made him that way. ENJOY and don't question.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
ah right, well if i was in your situation i would never take him back for anything more than a friend because obviously he doesnt seem to care about what you think of the situation that your in.
I would however text him/call him/email/talk to him and explain that you over reacted and you didnt mean what you said. Explain that you miss his friendship and that you hope he gets things in his life sorted.
Remember you cant always have everything you want in life, so be prepared to get knocked back but dont let it affect your life, move on meet new people show him that you can lead a life with or without him. Life doents evolve around the one person!!
best luck and wishes
- 4 years ago
Texting lets you control the tone and establish what kind of conversation you want to have. Learn here https://tr.im/en84S
This is probably the most important part. With texting, you can stop and think about what you want to say to your ex at each step of the way. Instead of reacting emotionally, you can take your time, figure out the right thing to say (I’ll give you most of it), and be strategic with your ex without saying something that you’ll regret.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
You showed him an insane side and I am POSITIVE that he has zero interest in being your boyfriend or friend.
PLEASE, let me call to your attention the things you did that resembled an insane person's attitude:
ONE- Asking him REPEATEDLY if he was wanting his girlfriend... he got tired of this.
TWO- When he finally asked to be released from your craziness, you LOOSE it on him.
THREE- You text messaged someone that you hope they die, and NOW you want to be friends?! I don't care how many times you apologize... friendship ain't gotta happen....
If he contacts you, I would say he is seriously desperate, or just as crazy-acting as yourself....
Please, review your behavior. You are turning into a FATAL ATTRACTION type...
- Phil MLv 71 decade ago
Why? Grow up. Look, there are going to people who come and go in your life and its not always important that you hang onto them. Typically, if it weren't to be (not the relationship, just friendship) it will work itself out.
Don't waste your time sending him numerous texts or blowing up his phone. You'll just push him away, not to mention cause problems in his current or future relationships.
Put it to you this way, just because you catch a fish doesn't mean you can't throw em back in the water, it also doesn't mean that fish was fit to eat.
- 1 decade ago
He is your ex for a reason. You set the groundwork by telling him you didn't want any contact with him and he is doing the responsible thing by listening to you.
You can't have it both ways where one day you tell him you want him to act like he doesn't know you and then the next want to be his friend.