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  • SAHM's - do you get an 'allowance'?

    I say 'allowance' because I hate the idea of 'pin' money for a woman who puts in just as many hours, albeit unpaid as the working partner.

    How do you manage your finances? Does your OH give you an 'allowance'?

    Basically, I control our finances. We have a joint account that we pay rent, utilities, food, insurance etc out of, a savings account that an allocated amount goes into per month for a rainy day and two separate accounts. My OH gives me an allowance of £50 a week for me to do with what I please. He doesn't ask and I don't tell. He has the same allowance from his salary that goes into his account that he spends as he pleases. Our Child Benefit and Child Tax Credit goes into my current account for our children's expenditures and anything else they need.

    If we have something big to buy I'll run it by him and we'll agree together whether we can afford it or whether we should wait to buy it.

    This way we have expendable income, all of our bills are covered, he has his own money to spend as he pleases and so do I. We have an extra amount in the joint account for things we need as a family.

    Some people don't agree with this and think that sharing out an 'allowance' is bad for us. They think that I shouldn't be paid or have some money for being a SAHM and they think we should manage our account from one joint account. That may work for some people but we find without our budgets we sink into the red because we each overspend.

    So, do you SAHM get an 'allowance' from your working partners to spend as you like or do you just spend the family money however you see fit? As far as we see it our money isn't mine or his, it's the family money and is just divided up so we can all use it for gifts, daily expenditures, treats, bills and so on while keeping on top of things. I don't feel like a kept woman because I work around the house, with the children and arrange all of our finances.

    12 AnswersParenting10 years ago
  • I just pulled out of my friends wedding as MOH and I feel crap!?

    My friend is getting married next September and I was asked to be her MOH. I originally accepted and thanked her because I know it's a huge honour but for the past few weeks I've been feeling uneasy. I'm due to deliver my second baby in two weeks time, my fiance is in full-time education and will only be on part-time wage when he returns to work in January so including all of our bills and expenditures it doesn't leave us with a lot per month for luxuries. I'd have to buy my own dress, my own accessories, my own flowers, provide my own transport for myself, my fiance and our two children, buy the children's outfits, buy my fiance a suit since he was supposed to be an usher, organise the hen night, pay £40 for the hen night (£40 per person for a pole dancing class I don't want to do plus the expense of drinks when she wants a night out afterwards) and help organise and set up the wedding all with two children in tow.

    I text her and told her we needed to talk and asked if I could call her but she told me to text her the issue. I feel like crap but I knew I had to do it. Can anyone help me feel better about the way I feel?

    16 AnswersEngagements & Weddings10 years ago
  • Odd pregnancy craving!?

    I have an odd pregnancy craving that I've had in both my pregnancies. I love sponges. I'm not talking cake sponges, I'm talking bath/kitchen cleaning sponges. I buy a large pack of sponges, sit there and literally suck, chew and knaw at them until they're all worn out in which I bin them and start a new one. I can't do the washing up with a washing up sponge without having a brand new one in my mouth and I could literally sit and chew on one for hours on end.

    There's something about the scent, texture and taste of a new sponge that gets me. It doesn't bother me when I'm not pregnant and I bin them when the taste/scent goes away. So odd.

    Has anyone else had this or heard of this? In my first pregnancy I only craved bath sponges but this time I can do kitchen sponges with the scouring pad tops and bath sponges. <- ones like these.

    I only wish I was joking. Why couldn't I crave Nutella on chips like other people?

    7 AnswersPregnancy10 years ago
  • SAHM's housework routines?

    I'm a stay at home mum to a two and a half year old little girl. I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my second daughter and my fiance is in education four days a week from 8:30am to 4:30pm.

    Every day I:

    Wash the dishes at least twice.

    Do a load of laundry.

    Mop the kitchen and bathroom floor.

    Generally tidy the bedrooms and living room.

    Make at least two full meals.

    Vaccuum the living room and halls.

    Clean the toilet and wipe down the sink and shower after use.

    Wipe down the kitchen surfaces.

    Put away clean washing.

    Once a week I dust everywhere, do a thorough clean of the kitchen and bathroom, iron everything that needs it, wash towels and bed linen and dust the ceilings for cobwebs.

    I ask my fiance to make dinner from time to time if I'm feeling pretty tired from the day (only once or twice a week, sometimes not at all), take out the bins, take out the recycling and clean the cat litter.

    Am I being unreasonable to ask him to do these small chores when I do the majority of the child care, cooking and household chores? Am I lazy because I don't do more every day? I've had both of these points brought up in conversation with family and friends who tell me I ask for too much and he shouldn't clean or cook at all since when he's home he's also parenting and I'm lazy because I don't do enough every day.

    I don't think I'm being unreasonable especially since I'm 37 weeks pregnant and in three weeks time I'll be breastfeeding a newborn all through the night as well as taking on two children plus all the other duties I usually do.

    15 AnswersNewborn & Baby10 years ago
  • How to stop complaining so much to DF?

    I'm having some trouble in my pregnancy at the moment. I'm 37 weeks with sciatica and SPD, a large baby whose movements feel ridiculously painful sometimes and to top it all off I have a stinking cold that is kicking my butt. My DF helps around the house, helps with the child care and understands that I'm in pain but keeps reiterating the fact that he can't do anything about it. I get that he can't do anything about it but he's the only person in my life apart from DD who's two who I can complain to and share things with. When I can't sleep he tells me to try to sleep, turns over and goes to sleep himself when all I need is some reassurance and a cuddle. He thinks I complain too much but if I don't complain or speak about my feelings I feel like I'm going to cry/smack something. I'm so fed up of this pregnancy and illness it's frustrating but I know I have another three weeks to go and I don't want to be burdening my DF with all of this when I know he does his best for me and I'm being unreasonable.

    Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with pain and frustration when you can't complain to your other half? Do you keep it inside and just find a way to deal with it and push on or do you talk about it with other mum's online? My friends are all child free/going through rough patches themselves so I feel like I can't burden them with my trivial aches and pains.

    I know I'm being hormonal and generally annoying but I just can't seem to stop :/.

    2 AnswersFamily10 years ago
  • What do I need to prepare for newborn?

    I'm 37 weeks pregnant and I've been told I am not going further than my due date and am scheduled for an induction on the 10th December if she hasn't made her early arrival. This gives me three weeks to sort everything I need for her. This is DD2 so I feel like I should be more prepared than I am or maybe I am prepared and it's just my irrational 4:25am self being awake and worrying over nothing.

    I have all the basics: clothes, sheets, moses basket, blankets, moses basket stand, a pack of newborn nappies, bottle steriliser, breast pump, bottles etc.

    What would you recommend to buy extra? I have lots of Sudocrem, sensitive wet wipes, Johnsons talcum powder, Johnson's baby bath/baby lotion/baby oil.

    Also, what would you recommend I do? Should I wash sheets out of the pack or will they be fine to use from the pack for the first go? I'm in the process of washing and organising all second hand and older clothes but not sure whether to wash brand new clothes and sheets.

    11 AnswersNewborn & Baby10 years ago
  • Who will pay the fees? UK Divorce.?

    My sister and her husband have been separated 15 months and now he's filed for divorce on the grounds of her adultery. She's signed that she will not contest the divorce and the divorce papers should be with her within a few weeks to sign before she gets her decree nisi.

    My question is, because he filed does he have to pay the fees? There's no children and nothing to divide so it's a very straight forward divorce but she is on benefits and can't afford to pay for the divorce. Does she need to see a solicitor now or will she be free from paying for it without legal aid since he filed?

    She's in the UK.

    6 AnswersMarriage & Divorce1 decade ago
  • I feel so selfish - MOH?

    One of my friends is getting married in September 2011 and has asked me to be her Maid Of Honour. I originally agreed to be part of her bridal party but now it seems like things won't work out. I have a two and a half year old daughter who will be three at that point and by then I'll also have a ten month old baby to look after and as bridesmaids/MOH we have to pay for our own transport, our own accessories and our own dresses. I can't afford to do that. She also told me as her MOH I have duties to stay until right at the end of the reception which I won't be able to do with two young children and I'll have to arrange and attend her hen night. She wants everyone to go pole dancing and then out on the town but that would cost £40 per person. I don't have that kind of money to throw away let alone to go pole dancing. I would be sat out watching due to back problems and not wanting to do it and I would still have to pay the £40.

    In all honesty, I also don't want to be wrapped in a cadbury purple prom dress with netting and a white sash.

    I feel so selfish but I just don't have the money to do it and I don't think I could provide all the duties she's looking for. Am I just being selfish and should I do it because she's my friend or should I pull out and give her chance to make other arrangements? I still want to attend her wedding but just not be a part of the bridal party.

    4 AnswersFriends1 decade ago
  • What would you do (re: Stacey Soloman)?

    I read in the papers recently that Stacey Soloman was being slammed for choosing not to return to her £25,000 per year job to go into the jungle on I'm A Celebrity...

    She was quoted as saying that she was providing a future for her son with the money she would be earning but many slammed her for cashing in on her menial celebrity status and embarrassing herself in front of millions on TV.

    So, what would you do? Would you embarrass yourself and cash in on what little fame and publicity you could generate to earn £25,000+ in a few days rather than slave away in a job that earns that per year or would you rather 'take the high road' and work for that money?

    Me? I'm not opposed to making an idiot of myself on TV and cashing in on whatever menial publicity I could generate to provide a stable financial future for myself and my children. No, I wouldn't go without underwear for a quick paparazzi shot but I would eat bugs! Derogatory? Maybe but I think you'd be silly to turn down that amount of money that could help your life and your child's life.

    10 AnswersParenting1 decade ago
  • Would it be tacky to ask for money as a Christmas present?

    My fiance and I are surviving on benefits at the moment due to both losing our jobs during the duration of my pregnancy. I am 36 weeks pregnant and due to give birth just before Christmas. Family have offered to buy us Christmas presents but we know we'll end up with things we don't want/can't use. Is it tacky to ask for money as a Christmas present or give them our electric and gas card to add money to so we don't have to worry so much about bills over that period?

    12 AnswersChristmas1 decade ago
  • Surviving on benefits - could you?

    I am not advocating living on benefits but for some in some situations it is essential and their only form of income. Right now, I live on £130 per week for a family of three, four on the weekends with my fiance's toddler son and soon to be a brand new baby in three weeks time. We weren't expecting to be in this position - I had a great job at home working full-time hours whenever I fancied (2-3am sometimes to make ends meet), he had a part-time job in a bar while he studied and within a week we both lost our jobs with no redundancy pay when I was 20 weeks pregnant.

    I resigned myself to benefits since being a high-risk pregnancy I was advised to take maternity leave early and I have a two year old so working out of the home without a lot of money being spent into childcare wasn't an option and that's if someone would even hire me! We thought we'd be fine with him working part-time because bar jobs are ten a penny in a university city: WRONG. Despite him having worked and held down jobs for seven years with no more than a two month break in between, despite excellent references and experiences in everything from sales, labouring and bar work he was lucky to be called to interview.

    So we find ourselves a family willing to work on benefits of £130 a week to pay £10 rent a week, gas, electric, water, our debt, tv licence, food, cleaning supplies, things for our baby and transport. Neither of us own a car since we can't afford to so we rely on paying public transport and walking and we still find it a struggle to make it through the week.

    Could you survive on £130 a week with a family to provide for? I'm managing money successfully so far even though it's a struggle but I'd LOVE to be one of those families on benefits who the papers write about as being well off and living well :/. How do you survive on benefits? Do you cut corners with your bills? Do you shop around? Do you live on the bare essentials?

    8 AnswersParenting1 decade ago
  • Countdown 6 days - how to keep busy and take my mind off things?

    I'm counting down to my next OB appointment where I'll find out my date for induction/planned cesarean due to being a high-risk pregnancy. I am 36+1 and finding it difficult to concentrate on anything but when my next appointment will be because I'm so uncomfortable. I'm a stay at home mum to a two year old little girl and I find it difficult enough to clean the house, make dinner, get engaged in play time with her and take her for walks let alone do much else. I feel like I'm going insane doing the same thing day in, day out and with my fiance working full-time it's usually just me and my daughter at home.

    Does anybody have any recommendations to take my mind off 'the countdown' and on to something more positive? xx.

    6 AnswersPregnancy1 decade ago
  • Menstrual like cramping in back and lower abdomen but no tightenings?

    I'm 36 weeks pregnant tomorrow and I'm having menstrual like cramping in my lower back and lower abdomen but when I press my stomach all I can feel is the baby and it's not particularly hard like with some of my BH.

    The baby is low but not engaged (second pregnancy) and my cervix is low and closed with no signs of dilation or effacement (I haven't been checked since 33 weeks though). Does anyone have any idea what this is?

    I can't bathe since I only have a shower in my apartment :(

    2 AnswersPregnancy1 decade ago
  • How much effort do you put into your appearance now you're a mother?

    Do you put in the bare minimum effort now you're a mother or do you put more effort in? Do you like to look good for yourself, for other people or for your other half? What are your grooming routines and would you consider yourself high maintenance?

    For me, every day I put on make-up even if I'm not leaving the house or expecting visitors. I like to not catch myself in the mirror looking terrible because it just puts a dampener on my day.

    Every day I:

    1. Shower and shave.

    2. Do my hair (rarely with straighteners or heated appliances, just a brush to make it look tidy and I wear it down).

    3. Make sure my nail varnish isn't chipped and if it is, re-do it or take it off.

    4. Apply mascara, eyeliner, powder and lip balm to make myself look relatively human. Sometimes I'll put on lip gloss or lipstick if I'm going out.

    5. Put on decent clothes that I wouldn't mind being seen in in case of unexpected visitors.

    6. Fill in my eyebrows since they're very light with an eyebrow pencil.

    7. Put on perfume.

    Every month I dye my hair and get waxed.

    For me, this is normal procedure. I don't think twice about it and my make-up routine takes me 2-3 minutes in the bathroom so it's not like I spend hours scrutinising my appearance. I do it for myself because it makes me feel happier and healthier, for my other half who even though he's low maintenance likes me to look nice and feel good and for other people who may see me in the street running errands. I don't want to look like a slob but at the same time I don't want to look like I've tried too hard.

    I don't think this is too much to ask considering it doesn't take a lot of time and effort. My other half loves me with blotchy skin, greasy hair, unwaxed and with no make-up so I know I don't have to do it for him but I want to - I like to make the effort and show he's important to me by looking good for him. I know that's probably quite shallow. I also wouldn't want my child to grow up thinking that mummy doesn't wear decent clothes or put on make-up because she's lazy and slobby.

    I get criticised for being high maintenance but it doesn't take a lot of money or a lot of time.

    What do you do?

    17 AnswersParenting1 decade ago
  • Ladies - to what extent do you go to to look good for your other half/yourself even though you're a mother?

    I've been wondering about this a lot considering a lot of mothers my age (their early twenties) either plaster on the make-up or go make-up free and use the excuse "I'm a mother. I don't have to look good".

    I've been told many times that I put too much effort into my appearance but why shouldn't I? I'm not just a mother, I'm also a person and a fiancee. I want to look good for myself, my child and my man - is that wrong? My daily routine takes around 10 minutes tops! I'm not sat in the bathroom polishing myself to perfection on a daily basis!

    So, what do you do to 'glam' yourself up? Do you do your own hair or go to a salon? Do you do your own nails or have them professionally manicured? What's your daily make-up routine?

    I wear concealer, powder, mascara, eyeliner and lip balm on a daily basis which isn't a lot to look at, it just makes me look more put together and 'fresh'. I keep my eyebrows groomed and my nails varnished with no chips, I dye my hair dark brown once a month and rarely ever straighten or blow dry and I usually wear it down and voluminous. This is what makes me 'high-maintenance'.

    I know I don't have to do this for my fiance. Hell, he's seen me with no make-up, blotchy skin, unshowered and unshaven and still loves me and wants to be next to me. He's a very low maintenance kind of guy but I think if I ever stopped making the effort he would be a little disheartened since he likes the fact I look nice when he comes home from work.

    8 AnswersFamily1 decade ago
  • SAHM Pregnant with a 2 year old on a budget? Activities?

    I'm a SAHM with a two year old daughter and I'm 35 weeks pregnant with DD number 2. Lately, I've been feeling like I've been neglecting my daughter and focusing on all the pain this pregnancy is bringing (false labor for two weeks, SPD and sciatica all at once) so I want some ideas of things we can do together in the next five or so weeks before our new arrival comes.

    My OH is in full-time education and work so is gone from 8:30am to 4pm every day so we have all that time together in which we usually watch TV, read books, draw, paint, make cupcakes, take a nap, make meals and so on. Is there anything I could be doing with her that doesn't cost too much money either at home or indoors due to the weather? The local park is out of the question due to the horrendous rain and winds of November in the UK.

    Thanks for any suggestions.

    5 AnswersToddler & Preschooler1 decade ago
  • Feeling guilty about leaving 2 year old LO in labour?

    I don't know whether this is just me and my crazy pregnant brain or whether this is justifiable but I am feeling nervous and guilty already about leaving my two year old daughter while I'm in labour.

    She's spent the night away from me before once or twice so she knows that she's going to be fine and she knows she'll only be with her nan, auntie and grandad but I feel ridiculously bad. I don't know when I'll go into labour and although I'd like to labour as long as possible at home I also wouldn't want her to see mummy in pain.

    Did any of you feel guilty about leaving your LO while in labour? I know when I'm in labour I probably won't realise because I'll be so focused on the birth but right now I feel like a crap mother. My fiancee will be there to pick her up as soon as I've given birth and am free to walk around again so I know in my head she won't be without me for long :/.

    It's like all logic has gone out of the window and emotions have taken over.

    7 AnswersPregnancy1 decade ago
  • When you were a clueless new mum what did you do?

    When you were a new mum what things did you do that you laugh about/regret now? Simple clueless things from not knowing how to change a nappy to not knowing that you had to wash bottles before sterilising?

    1. I was confused by this layering business. I still am, to be honest!

    2. I used to forget to button up Layla's sleepsuit or onesie and put trousers on over the top and then realise and have to take them off to re-do it.

    3. I was so paranoid about SIDS I'd sleep touching her stomach so I could feel her breathing and then got confused and upset when she woke up. I didn't realise it was me waking her up!

    4. I used to make up bottles before bed and leave them on the nightstand all night ready for a feed. I wasn't aware you had to make them up fresh or put them in the fridge! I feel so bad about that one.

    8 AnswersParenting1 decade ago
  • Fed up of being pregnant - depressed?

    I'm 35 weeks pregnant tomorrow, I have sciatica, SPD, a large baby, a large stomach (measuring 40 weeks) and a painful stabbing sensation in my cervix. I can barely walk five minutes up the road to my local corner shop, I'm finding money is dwindling when I still have a lot to buy for my hospital bag, I'm a stay at home mum and I have a two year old daughter who's potty training and throwing tantrums (mainly about potty training). I'm finding it difficult to do normal things like bend over and tidy the house for when my husband comes home from school and work all day and on the weekends we have our daughter plus my husband's son from a previous relationship and while my husband is brilliant and allows me to lie in and take a half an hour nap on the weekends, I feel like a complete and utter failure. I can't do all the things I could do before and most of the time, I honestly can't be bothered. I feel like I'm depriving my two year old of fun activities because I don't drive and walking to the park or the local indoor play centre is too much for me to the point where I'm in tears.

    I think I may be depressed but I don't know why. I have a gorgeous two year old, I have a fabulous step-son, an amazing husband and I'm over the moon about being pregnant but it's like every day is a struggle.

    Has anyone ever felt like this? Is it the pregnancy or could I be pre-natally depressed?

    4 AnswersPregnancy1 decade ago
  • Discharge question 34 weeks - TMI.?

    I'm 34, almost 35 weeks pregnant and for the last week I've been having some change in discharge and a lot more of it. I know it's common to have an increase in vaginal discharge but something about this doesn't seem right to me.

    I've been wearing pantyliners and the discharge seems streaky, brown and dark yellow. It doesn't smell like urine and happens even when there's been no pregnancy incontinence and just after I wipe thoroughly after using the toilet. It's not stringy or mucusy and there's no red blood but it's shiny like normal discharge. It seems like a light brown streak or stain rather than a normal pattern of vaginal discharge and I have no UTI or vaginal infection.

    Does anyone have any idea? The midwife doesn't have any advice to offer and has no idea what it is and I don't have another appointment with my OB for a cervical check until the 19th.

    1 AnswerPregnancy1 decade ago