Your husband should know everything?

Question

Do you agree that your husband should know everything? Including everything about you, your experiences, all your ex-boyfriends, any past history, etc. Some women believe you should leave some kind of mystery about you and others feel that your partner should know everything because they're a part of you. What do you think?

Answer 1

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Well, speaking as a husband, I think it's important to share all the critical things. Long before he becomes your husband, he should know the number of partners you've had, whether you've been pregnant, any major issues you've had with your family. Why? Because your physical and emotional health are not only important to you - they're important to him and will have a bearing on your life with him and any children you will have together, for as long as you live.

The number of partners you've had, and the seriousness of the relationships, will give him a better picture of what to expect from your relationship (people with tons of breakups may have trust issues, for example), and of course he needs to know whether you both should be double-checked for STDs. Aborted pregnancies can affect your ability to bear children in the future, so he needs to know that, especially if you're planning to have kids, and it can also have long-term (and potentially deeply-buried) psychological effects (guilt, depression) that might not manifest themselves for some time.

Family issues are important to communicate as well - any abuse, again, can bear on the mental health of your family, and he should be willing to help you through counseling. Mental health issues can also be deeply-buried but can affect your long-term relationship, and some may be passed on to your children genetically.

And this probably goes without saying, but you should absolutely open up to him about your hopes, dreams, fears, etc. You should work together to build a picture of your future, and full understanding of each other is critical to ensure that the marraige will last for the long haul.

All that said, you can certainly draw the line at details. He doesn't need to know the names of all your past boyfriends - though if he asks, it's not something that should be hidden (because of course it will plant a seed of doubt in his mind - wondering why you're withholding information from him, and whether there's something you're trying to hide.

I hope that helps. I've been 100% open and honest with my wife, she's been the same with me, and we're going strong after almost 15 years of marriage.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:

Wow lots of answers, there was a lot of answers I liked but I can only pick one. This answer was very long and I can tell you put your time and energy into it. Thanks =)

Answer 2

Leave some mystery. It's the only way to keep the spark alive over long periods of time. And, let's be real here, not everything you've ever done is his business anyway.

The rule I follow is: Divulge information that will have a direct effect on him and his happiness (STD's, fertility problems, etc). And, no, never EVER tell someone how many sex partners you've had before them. He'll assume that you are telling the truth or lying and he won't be happy either way.

Answer 3

No, I don't believe that a husband should know everything.

While it can be romantic to think that he could know most about you, in reality, I think it's hard to practice.

I wouldn't want my husband to know that have to pluck hairs from my chin or that I had a one night stand or that I stole money from my roommate or pee in the shower... don't you agree?

I'm not saying we all have weird secrets, but somethings can just be painful to share - perhaps watching a beloved pet die, or having an abortion - something like that.

And personally, I don't anyone needs to know my entire sexual history - as long as I can take a test and show that I am disease free now. What I did in the past, is in the past where it should be.

It would be awesome to have someone in our lives - particularly a husband that knew everything, but that takes time and years of trust to get there. I don't think you can spill your guts on the first date, nor should you.

Answer 4

I told my husband everything about me, before anyone else could tell him, as a young adult, I was very wild and promiscuous - sex - drugs and alcohol. I also slept with his brother as a teen. We grow up together, however; he went away for 17 years; we both got saved during our years apart and had so much in common, but I knew although I had changed drastically people would tell him about my sorted past. So I told him everything, from sleeping with his brother to the threesomes. He accepted me totally, he loves me with the love of God - unconditionally - that's what I wanted - someone to accept me with all my stuff - mood swings and all, and he has. I believe you have to be honest about yourself, a lot of people are getting divorced because they married a lie. A person who was pretending to be something they're not. ie - pretending you like to cook and clean to get him; but ur really a mess and hate cooking. All these things come out in the wash. Let him see who he will spend the rest of his life with - when you marry - you buy as is. Change will come, but you have to accept that person the why they are until, the appointed time comes.

Source(s):

If he does not like what he hears and sees; then he is not the one. You husband will love you; no matter what through no matter what.

Answer 5

Some things, you just don't need to know. I know about my wife's past, somewhat, but not because I wanted to know. I guess she just felt like telling me how many (supposedly 2), etc.

On the other hand, she never asked, and I never told. The only thing she ever asked was, "you're not one of those guys who wants a threesome are you?" My answer was, "no." An honest, but incomplete answer. Complete answer would have been, "no, I already did that, and it ended the relationship." She didn't need to know the rest.

Answer 6

Everyone has a right to privacy. His behavior is much too intrusive. I suspect he will use what he knows of you to control you. Do you know everything there is to know about him? If not this is very unequal and unfair
Spouses should have some life of their own that is separate - separate bank accounts, encrypted email, your own computer with a hard to break password, and so on.

Source(s):

Aging hippie

Answer 7

Disagree. My bf doesn't know a lot of things. No one can know EVERYTHING. No one WANTS to know everything. 1) I don't feel like telling him every moment of my whole life. 2) They probably wouldn't admit it but most guys really don't care. They don't want to know every detail of every relationship you've had since 7th grade. A person doesn't love you for every little thing that's ever happened in your whole life, they love you for who you are NOW.

Answer 8

You should be comfortable enough to share your past with them. After all, you are married to them. You should be able to share your past and be able to think that your pasts got you to where you are: in one anothers' arms. I think some histories are important to understand why your spouse reacts a certain way in some situations...knowing one anothers' histories will let you be more sensitive to one another.

Answer 9

I think there's a third option... you tell him what is interesting and/or relevant. Which is most things. But I don't think it's necessary to share EVERYTHING with your partner. For example, I'm certainly not going to give details about my sexual past beyond the necessary. What good would it be for my husband to know?

Answer 10

yes they should if they don't that's not a good relationship.i mean come on .If they find out your not how he thinks you are hes gonna divorce you Many women out they dont want to be honest because most are not marriage Matural but i guess the fact that u get half of what they got is enough reason for a women to get married

Answer 11

You don't have to let him know things unless he wants to know and can deal with it.Some things are better to leave in your past and as far as your ex's what right does he have to know about that.Your husband is a part of you now not your past.

Answer 12

No, I do not think your husband should know EVERYTHING. Somethings just aren't any of his business. Often there are things in the past that should STAY in the past, especially if it's something that would hurt him. Why do that to him?

Answer 13

I do believe he should know everything. I feel secrets are one thing that ruin a marriage/relationship.I also feel that if you can't talk to them what is the point in marring them? There are a few exceptions of course like B-day gifts LOL.

Answer 14

There is definitely no rule saying that your husband should know everything about you. Even if one is married, one still needs personal space and freedom. And yes, i believe women should leave some kind of mystery. Thats what men like.

Answer 15

It's not a good idea to tell your husband every single thing nine times out of ten he's not telling you everything. Us woman need to start making these men work hard for us to trust them so hardly. Tell what he need to know that;s it.

Answer 16

If you really love some one, and I mean really love some one! you should be able to forgive them, depending on how deep the hurt, but as for telling every thing, past and gone, could you hurt them, just to ease your conscience?..

Source(s):

Experience...

Answer 17

Well It's not necessarily wrong for you not to tell him everything. But if you tell that to him it may leave a sign that you don't trust him. Or at least leave him thinking that.

Answer 18

My god, NO, they should not know everything! What kind of nonsense is that? What I did before I met my man is none of his business, and vice-versa.

Answer 19

I don't have a nicely wrapped autobiography to hand him, but I'd be happy and willing to share anything my husband wants to know.

Answer 20

No, your husband doesn't need to know about so much of your past social life. You can let him know you are not a virgin but you don't give names, dates, etc.

Answer 21

wel i would tell my husband everything if i had one =)my mom and dad are still ogether they have been for 22 years now scence she was 16 =) and they tell eachother everything

Answer 22

lol you can never know everything about another person.

Answer 23

um i think your husband should know everything about you and not keep secrets in a marriage and i think he should love you no matter what even though some things in your past might be bad.

Answer 24

no your husband should defintly know everything..=)

Answer 25

It really depends on the shock value of the info, some things are better left between you and God!

Answer 26

NO!
Imagination and FACTS are a different "Ball Game".

Answer 27

Nope! He should know everything about WHO I AM, not what i've done. same goes for me...

Answer 28

Act blur and innocent .
Big trouble waiting if you tell everything.
Bor Hor Hor !

Answer 29

we are very honest, but we still have the right not to say every little thing if it isn't pertinent.

Answer 30

We should know everything about who u r , not what u have done.

Answer 31

it depends
unless your cheating on him it shouldnt matter